Can't afford food | Imamother

amother

Silver

Tue, Aug 29 2023, 10:24 pm

Hopefully now that you're baby is getting older, you'll be able to use your degree and work more than making $4000/ year. It sounds like you're in a really tough spot, and I'm davening this will all be behind you very soon!!

amother

Ballota

Tue, Aug 29 2023, 10:34 pm

[quote="amother OP"]

amother Alyssum wrote:

If u live Cleveland, go to the chesed center - you'll get chicken, cheese, canned goods, etc besides for produce[/quote

I don't want to say where I live but my city has a kosher food pantry that gives items like that. It's definitely helpful but not nearly enough

If you get chicken (and I think you also mentioned ground meat), can you start trying to plan your family’s menu around that? There are cheaper supper ideas, it doesn’t have to always be fleishig. There are many other healthier sources of protein. Look up vegetarian meals and find some recipes that you think will work for you. It can even be a fun challenge!
Lol, I’m actually saying this as someone who doesn’t have a local kosher store, and when I run out, we just don’t have. We make do with what there is or what we can buy in a regular grocery store

TwinsMommy ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 12:21 am

Based on what you said about tuition vouchers, your husband's salary, and where you normally shop, Cleveland MIGHT be where you live (but I don't know who you are, I promise). If you are in Cleveland, please PM me for my address and I can leave extra food each week on my porch for you--- I won't come to you---- you come to me and I can give you specific times that I won't go near the porch so I still won't know who you are. We don't qualify for food stamps or chessed center, but we have a small family so often have extra food because we have generous neighbors who like to share. Smile

imaima

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 12:34 am

amother OP wrote:

It's not about permission. It would cause shalom bayis issues. He really doesn't want people delivering tzedaka to our house.

His ego prevents him from feeding his family. That’s where Hashem wants him to be humble.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 1:41 am

imaima wrote:

His ego prevents him from feeding his family. That’s where Hashem wants him to be humble.

I understand but I don't live his life for him

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 1:53 am

amother Ballota wrote:

I don't always do fleishigs. Sure I'd love vegetarian meals. My family is particular, I don't know what they'd take to. But I do eggs one night a week. 2 days fleishigs and two days dairy/fish (Tuna patties or tuna sandwiches)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 1:55 am

amother Ballota wrote:

Also the chicken is 4 packages a month which I use for shabbos and the ground meat is one or two which I definitely use for dinner each month.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 1:57 am

amother Silver wrote:

This thanks. Baby has some medical issues and another kid also needs lots of appointments so I cannot work full time. But I'm looking for something more part time than I do now. But it really will be just enough to cover childcare and the medical insurance that we lost because I made more money. Tried to get ssi for baby but we make just a bit too much for that too.

amother

↑ DarkViolet

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 1:34 pm

OP when I was growing up there was a family that lived nearby that needed tomchei shabbos but were embarrassed to have it come to their house so my family who was B"H well to do received the delivery for them and then they would come to our house to pick it up. We were happy to do the chessed. We put the food in regular shopping bags for them so it looked like my mom went shopping for their family.

OP do you have a friend that can take in the delivery for you and then you go to them to pick it up; maybe even your rav can do this for you?

amother

NeonBlue ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 1:40 pm

I don’t understand what you are looking for.
You have shot down every idea. You can’t work because you’ll have to pay childcare etc. we all pay childcare when we work.
You have to sit down and decide if it’s worth it to have your husband take a slight pay cut to get benefits. If not you are the only one who can figure out how to make this work.
If you say there is no way to make it work at all, then you must either figure out how to go to work or reach out to your local organizations.
What other advice would you be looking for?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 1:46 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

Just venting. No advice requested. Looking for others to say, I'm in the same boat and it is awful

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 1:47 pm

amother DarkViolet wrote:

Thanks, but DH would most definitely not agree to that. For sure wouldn't want a neighbor/friend Knowing.

I appreciate the though though.

Im not trying to shoot down all ideas here. Really not, just kind of bemoaning my situation rather than looking for change right now.

amother

↑ NeonBlue

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 1:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just venting. No advice requested. Looking for others to say, I'm in the same boat and it is awful

Hi, I’m in the same boat. It’s very difficult

Cheiny ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 2:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow so helpful thanks. How would you like me to increase my income? Who says I don't go to gmach for uniforms and clothes? DH is not a taker and refuses for me to call tomchei shabbos. And I never said anything about school. This was about food. Please read the post before responding.

I don’t think there was a call for that. The poster offered some valuable suggestions and she was trying to help, and just because some of the saving tips she suggested weren’t directly connected to food specifically, obviously she’s trying to say that if you can save in other areas there will be more money to spend on food.

I hope your situation improves.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 2:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

DH will not have tomchei shabbos. It's one thing the food pantry, but he doesn't want people come to our house to give food.

I don't really shop at the Jewish store (maybe once a month for just a few things). Mostly Costco, Walmart, Aldi

Well if he’s not allowing you to avail yourselves of the help that’s out there, he is at least partially responsible for your lack of enough food.

amother

Eggplant

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 2:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

Our local tomchei shabbas has a checkbox for whether your spouse knows you are applying or not.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 2:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's not about permission. It would cause shalom bayis issues. He really doesn't want people delivering tzedaka to our house.

So let him arrange with them for him to go pick it up at their warehouse every week.

This makes no sense. Obviously he doesn’t see the need as dire as you do…

↑ Cheiny

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 2:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok I just looked it up. One needs to be vetted by a Rav to be added, DH is really against that. He would be upset if I went to the Rav.

B"H the food pantry doesn't have that restriction so I can get from there. Also a weekly produce pantry, which is also really helpful (although a lot of times the stuff is moldy or mushy)

He can be unreasonably proud, or he can have food for his family,

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 2:19 pm

[quote="Cheiny"]So let him arrange with them for him to go pick it up at their warehouse every week.

This makes no sense. Obviously he doesn’t see the need as dire as you do…[/quote
Correct. He does not. Hed rather put it on cc than take tzedaka.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 30 2023, 2:19 pm

Cheiny wrote:

He can be unreasonably proud, or he can have food for his family,

Correct. But I don't live his life for him