Fasting today? Insane

amother

PlumPink

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 7:38 pm

I fasted till 5. Not on purpose I just didn't have time to eat between going to work and busy with the kids. I just found out I'm pregnant and she was pretty strong about not letting me fast. I general I fast well but only fast yk or tishabav if nursing/pregnant.

Dh is a terrible faster and usually ends up breaking his.

notshanarishona

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 7:52 pm

amother Hawthorn wrote:

Now I feel guilty that I didn't ask a rav. But was told by the doctor not to fast as am 33 weeks pregnant and they don't want me fasting 2 times in 3 weeks. My husband also told me not to fast...

There is No shayla to ask, pregnant women only need to fast 9 Av and Yom Kippur according to most poskim.

amother

Ballota

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 8:17 pm

Can everyone just pick up the phone and call their rav when they have a shailah? I know it's too late, the fast is almost over (in my time zone), but everyone stop paskening for themselves or each other.

And just saying, calling it insane is very disrespectful. You have a heter not to fast? Great. But don't call shiva asar b'tammuz insane.

amother

↑ Copper

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 10:20 pm

amother Copper wrote:

TMI, but I've been having diarrhea for 2 days and need to drink a lot to not feel dehydrated. I got my kids off to camp and went back to bed. I'm trying to rest and make it to chatzos but I doubt I'll make it through the whole fast. I definitely wouldn't even make it halfway if I had to go outside in the heat.

I actually made it through the fast! I just pretty much stayed in bed until my kids came home and on the couch afterwards. I skipped all my usual Thursday errands (luckily we won't be home for Shabbos!), and just tried to expend as little energy as possible.

amother

↑ Poppy ↓

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 9:04 am

amother Bone wrote:

How many of you who have been married for 25 years got a heter before having even one child? Anyone? Don't respond if you got one for a medical reason. Now-a-days people get one for right after marriage - no medical reason required. Just ask and you shall get.

I think you're trying to push all of society's issues into one box and trying to place the blame on 'weak' women.

The request for bc prior to having children is a sign of STRENGTH not weakness. It's an understanding that two strange people are coming together and they want to focus on building the right foundation so they have a long term wonderful marriage. That's a beautiful thing that the current generation should be proud of.

It also speaks to be prudence and understanding that when two strange people come together, things may not work out as planned. So the appropriate steps are being taken so that any one of them can remove themselves from an unhealthy situation if needed, instead of being trapped for life. This is also a sign of STRENGTH.

Some of us get hung over with the past, and think that everything we did in the past was so wonderful and beautiful. That's just not true. There are many things that we have done in the past that have caused harm, and it's a wonderful thing when we make changes to put a stop to it.

amother

↑ Poppy

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 9:09 am

amother Bone wrote:

My children were not running around unattended 25 years ago. If children are less capable of keeping themselves busy, (which I'm not buying) then that's a problem that needs to be dealt with. Not an excuse not to fast. (Not speaking about children with a diagnosis like ADHD etc..)
Putting unnecessary and in some cases anti-Torah pressures on ourselves (such as the bolded) should not then give us an "out" from performing actual mitzvot. Mitzvot that actually remind us that we are in galus which is something that a lot of people don't feel because of our cushy (by comparison to most of human history) lifestyles.

There's a difference between unattended 25 years ago, versus unattended now. Society wasn't such a dangerous place back then, and we were able to give our children a lot of more freedom that we can give to ur children now.

We are dealing with that problem by acknowledging it. We understand that our children need something different from us than what was considered norm in previous generations. We understand that we need to be able to provide that to them so we include those calculations into the decisions we make. So when it comes to fasting, attending to our children is a higher priority than it was years ago. And the Rabbonim seem to understand that. Maybe you need to revisit this concept, so that you can reframe your perspective. Most of us aren't looking for an out, we are simply looking to do our best based on what's being asked of us - in the present time, in the present moment and not based on the lifestyle of 25 years ago.

amother

↑ Bone

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 9:44 am

amother Poppy wrote:

You speak repeatedly of "two strange people". Maybe that's part of the problem. Why the heck would you marry a "stranger"? Of course you can't know everything about your spouse before you marry them, but a "stranger"? Come on.

↑ Ema of 5 ↓

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 9:52 am

amother Copper wrote:

BH!!! Hope you are feeling better

↑ Ema of 5

Fri, Jul 07 2023, 9:57 am

amother Bone wrote:

No matter how well you know the person you are dating, you are strangers when you move into the same house together. In some circles they really ARE strangers- they meet once or twice, v’zehu. In some circles they date, but not for months on end. In some circles they date for a long time, maybe even a few years. But when they get married, they are moving in with someone whose habits and little things they probably don’t know. It is a new stage in life, and there is nothing wrong with getting to know each other as a couple living together, before attempting to throw hormones into the mix.