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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
Elilove
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 Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:05 pm
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My 6 month old was familiar-ish with my parents and was a bit scared by them but after I spent 3 days at their house together with him he was totally fine and happy with them if I wasn’t in the room.
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flowerpower
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:06 pm
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Op, I say it’s ok. Go and have a good time! Baby will be fine. Don’t listen to all the naysayers
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:06 pm
| Elilove wrote: | | My 6 month old was familiar-ish with my parents and was a bit scared by them but after I spent 3 days at their house together with him he was totally fine and happy with them if I wasn’t in the room. |
That makes me feel better. We have time to do that before the trip.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:06 pm
It's a bit too late by now.... but whatever.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:08 pm
| amother Mintcream wrote: | Enough with the 'helpless baby' tropes. Baby is going to have her needs taken care of. Mothers don't have exclusivity on being able to care for infants.
OP said she would spend more time leading up to this with her parents to establish familiarity. |
Actually, I believe a mother does have exclusivity on being able to care for HER infant. Hashem gave each person one mother. Just one. Forever. A mother is irreplaceable for a reason.
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amother
Cherry
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:09 pm
Idk if this is helpful but I really enjoyed our vacation with my 6 month old oldest- and she was a really difficult baby in general. But unlike at home (my husband was in school and I was working pt) we weren’t rushing anywhere, we got to gush over her and just have our own little rhythm and it was really nice. Definitely some hard moments (husband had to take a different flight back and the flight back was really hard alone) also but overall would definitely recommend.
We went on vacation alone 3+ years later (after school was bh finally over) alone and that was also very nice but at that point my child was living next to grandparent full time and it was a very smooth exciting experience for her.
Probably won’t happen again for a bunch of years if ever lol. We now have 3 under 4 bh.
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tichellady
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:11 pm
attachment theory is a theory not a fact. there's a lot we don't know about this all but I will say that in some cultures children spend months or years with their grandparents while their parents work or attend school in a different country. I think that like everything the op needs to weigh the pros and cons. I think leaving a baby with a loving relative can definitely be on the table as something that may make sense or may not depending on how important this feels to op and her husband etc
fwiw, this is not a new thing. babies used to live with wet nurses and not even see their mothers for long periods of time. my parents and in laws traveled without their babies occasionally
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tichellady
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:13 pm
| amother Stone wrote: | | Actually, I believe a mother does have exclusivity on being able to care for HER infant. Hashem gave each person one mother. Just one. Forever. A mother is irreplaceable for a reason. |
then why did Hashem make so many mothers die in childbirth? an infant can be raised by another woman. in fact, mothers and sisters and grandmothers used to all be very involved in raising children together. it wasn't just up to the mom
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:14 pm
| amother Latte wrote: | | It sounds like you need to convince yourself all will be fine. No need to be nasty to those that are saying the uncomfortable truth. |
where was I nasty?
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:15 pm
Why is it a bit too late?
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amother
Lightpink
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:16 pm
OP, go for it. 6 months is the perfect age.
Enjoy!!
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:17 pm
| tichellady wrote: | | then why did Hashem make so many mothers die in childbirth? an infant can be raised by another woman. in fact, mothers and sisters and grandmothers used to all be very involved in raising children together. it wasn't just up to the mom | Why does Hashem make some babies lose their mothers? Or some mothers lose their babies? RL
It sure isn’t how life is supposed to go.
Back in the day extended families lived together and Bubby cared for the baby literally every day, from the day they were born. You can’t compare that to today, when grandparents live blocks or even cities away from their grandkids.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:19 pm
| amother Stone wrote: | | Actually, I believe a mother does have exclusivity on being able to care for HER infant. Hashem gave each person one mother. Just one. Forever. A mother is irreplaceable for a reason. |
Since you believe that its clear that you wouldn't leave your infants side.
I don't believe that.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:20 pm
Again, perfect for who? Are you thinking about baby??
Even in closed adoptions where baby never meets biological mother and is handed immediately after birth to an amazing adoptive mother, the baby suffers trauma from the abandonment. This is a lot worse.
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#BestBubby
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:24 pm
Are all you "baby will be traumatized" posters
Stay at home mothers?
Because sending babies daily to group babysitting
Is likely waaaaaay more harmful than a week vacay.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:25 pm
| amother OP wrote: | We're going on vacation for a week without the baby (she's 6 months old). Husband is in school so this is probably the last time we're going away for a long, long time. We're leaving her with the grandparents and I keep thinking she's going to be traumatized and feel abandoned. Can someone talk me out of this lol.
eta she is formula-only and has seen the grandparents a little more than usual lately due to simchas |
Are the grandparents prepared and able to handle sleepless nights with her? And know how to get her to bed etc?
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:28 pm
| amother Oldlace wrote: | Again, perfect for who? Are you thinking about baby??
Even in closed adoptions where baby never meets biological mother and is handed immediately after birth to an amazing adoptive mother, the baby suffers trauma from the abandonment. This is a lot worse. |
I'd like to read more about that. Can you forward an article?
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amother
Carnation
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:32 pm
If she is being put and cared for in the loving arms of her grandparents who will love her and care for her well then there should not be any trauma. It’s when the child is left and then neglected by the care taker that is the concern.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:36 pm
| amother Goldenrod wrote: | | Are the grandparents prepared and able to handle sleepless nights with her? And know how to get her to bed etc? |
They did 6 months ago when she was a newborn!
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amother
Clover
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:41 pm
When one of my brothers was 2, my mother had a friend's wedding overseas. She took the baby (under a year) and toddler stayed home with my father and us kids, who already had a million chores taking care of him so believe me he knew us very well. During the day he went to a babysitter. I think he'd gone to her previously but I don't remember.
He cried every single day for our mother. Hysterically. My sisters and I anyway already put him to bed each night from before she left and he still cried every single day for our mother. I don't think my mother even went for a full week, maybe even only five days.
After my mother returned, every time she left the house, even to go shopping, he would erupt hysterically. He was inconsolable. We would have to teach him mommy is coming back, mommy is coming back. It was so so sad. It went on for ages like this.
It's over thirty years later and I still remember this. By the way, half the kids in my family are highly sensitive, but he's not one of them. He wasn't a super clingy toddler (and was very independent growing up) so this wasn't a "highly sensitive personality". And I don't think my mom did anything terrible by leaving an over two-years old with immediate family but I wouldn't do it if I could avoid it because of what I saw. Definitely not for vacation.
And a six month old? Just for vacation? For a week? I personally couldn't fathom it.
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