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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
amother
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 Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:49 pm
| amother Oldlace wrote: | | What you say is one thing. What your baby experiences is what matters. So sick of parents who think their child isnt a real person until they reach a certain age. |
Pardon me????
This baby hasn’t been attended to by her mother exclusively for six months. This mama can FaceTime with her baby three times a day should she choose to.
Baby isn’t being abandoned.
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Genius
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:49 pm
| amother Bellflower wrote: | Saying that leaving a baby for a week will have no impact, is ignorant.
Saying that a vacation is worth risking your baby’s attachment, is a difference of opinion. |
What’s the definition of impact? That the baby will miss mom? Be confused? That’s very likely. Trauma until they go to therapy when they’re 23? That’s an opinion.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:50 pm
| amother Latte wrote: | | There is no way to know for sure but it’s the most plausible explanation. |
So are you saying you had a secure wonderful and loving upbringing but because your parents left you with grandparents once when you are an infant you now have everlasting issues?
I find that hard to imagine.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:51 pm
| Genius wrote: | | What’s the definition of impact? That the baby will miss mom? Be confused? That’s very likely. Trauma until they go to therapy when they’re 23? That’s an opinion. | Disregarding all the very real research that has been done on attachment, is ignorant.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:51 pm
| amother Mintcream wrote: | Pardon me????
This baby hasn’t been attended to by her mother exclusively for six months. This mama can FaceTime with her baby three times a day should she choose to.
Baby isn’t being abandoned. |
Leaving a helpless, non verbal, baby in a home she's not familiar with, and with people she's not very familiar with, is abandonment. We as adults wouldn't like if is someone does it to us..... and it's way way worse to do that to a helpless infant.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:52 pm
| amother Almond wrote: | So are you saying you had a secure wonderful and loving upbringing but because your parents left you with grandparents once when you are an infant you now have everlasting issues?
I find that hard to imagine. | That’s why it’s important to learn about attachment theory. It isn’t common sense. It has a biological basis.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:53 pm
I dont have a Psyd.
But I have taken a few child psychology courses. From what I remember, children develop secure attachments when their needs are met MOST of the time. I was relieved to hear that because it leaves room for error as parents. But not a lot of room.
Basically, if you do leave a young child, make sure they are in good hands and leave for as short as possible.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:54 pm
| amother Amaranthus wrote: | | Leaving a helpless, non verbal, baby in a home she's not familiar with, and with people she's not very familiar with, is abandonment. We as adults wouldn't like if is someone does it to us..... and it's way way worse to do that to a helpless infant. |
double post
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:56 pm
| amother Mintcream wrote: | Pardon me????
This baby hasn’t been attended to by her mother exclusively for six months. This mama can FaceTime with her baby three times a day should she choose to.
Baby isn’t being abandoned. |
Seriously? How exactly would Facetime help a 6 month old. It actually might be worse than no contact. Extremely confusing and upsetting. And yes, leaving a baby with a virtual stranger for a week IS experienced as abandonment.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:57 pm
| Genius wrote: | | What’s the definition of impact? That the baby will miss mom? Be confused? That’s very likely. Trauma until they go to therapy when they’re 23? That’s an opinion. |
I mean I go to therapy now, maybe it's because my mother went on vacation when I was a baby, who knows. My parents are/were great. They're not failures as parents just because their child is in therapy. Why is that the metric?
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:58 pm
| amother Melon wrote: | I dont have a Psyd.
But I have taken a few child psychology courses. From what I remember, children develop secure attachments when their needs are met MOST of the time. I was relieved to hear that because it leaves room for error as parents. But not a lot of room.
Basically, if you do leave a young child, make sure they are in good hands and leave for as short as possible. |
I hear that.
I can believe that an infant that is left over frequently and not in good care can have lasting attachment traumas as they get older. And usually if that's the their care as infants then their toddler, childhood and teen years aren't too much better.
But let's not get all hyped up about a one time vacation when it seems that the infant will be in the loving care of grandparents. Unless the grandparents are neglectful and abusive.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:58 pm
| amother Amaranthus wrote: | | Leaving a helpless, non verbal, baby in a home she's not familiar with, and with people she's not very familiar with, is abandonment. We as adults wouldn't like if is someone does it to us..... and it's way way worse to do that to a helpless infant. |
Enough with the 'helpless baby' tropes. Baby is going to have her needs taken care of. Mothers don't have exclusivity on being able to care for infants.
OP said she would spend more time leading up to this with her parents to establish familiarity.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 5:59 pm
| amother Mintcream wrote: | | Enough with the helpless baby tropes. The baby will be well cared for - mothers are the only ones who understand infants needs. |
It doesn't matter how well the baby will be cared for! What matters is that she will be left at virtual strangers in a home she's not familiar with.
We have no idea how this may affect the babies emotional well being.
It's just unfathomable that the same mothers that would never put their babies in physical danger, don't care about the babies emotional health. Emotional/mental well-being is no different than physical well being.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:00 pm
| amother Almond wrote: | I hear that.
I can believe that an infant that is left over frequently and not in good care can have lasting attachment traumas as they get older. And usually if that's the their care as infants then their toddler, childhood and teen years aren't too much better.
But let's not get all hyped up about a one time vacation when it seems that the infant will be in the loving care of grandparents. Unless the grandparents are neglectful and abusive. |
Said loving grandparents and their home, are unfamiliar to the baby. It's no different than leaving baby at strangers, it just makes the parents feel better.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:01 pm
| amother Melon wrote: | I dont have a Psyd.
But I have taken a few child psychology courses. From what I remember, children develop secure attachments when their needs are met MOST of the time. I was relieved to hear that because it leaves room for error as parents. But not a lot of room.
Basically, if you do leave a young child, make sure they are in good hands and leave for as short as possible. | Most of the time means most of the day. It doesn’t mean that you can leave for a week straight.
A baby knows their mother’s smell, touch, breathing patterns. They were inside their mother for 9 months. Leaving a baby at the sitter for a few hours is good enough parenting. Depriving a baby of their mother for a week is not good enough.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:02 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I mean I go to therapy now, maybe it's because my mother went on vacation when I was a baby, who knows. My parents are/were great. They're not failures as parents just because their child is in therapy. Why is that the metric? |
What does your therapist think about your vacation?
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Genius
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:03 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I mean I go to therapy now, maybe it's because my mother went on vacation when I was a baby, who knows. My parents are/were great. They're not failures as parents just because their child is in therapy. Why is that the metric? |
Maybe.
The question was whether the baby will be traumatized. If yes, she will need therapy.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:04 pm
| amother Amaranthus wrote: | It doesn't matter how well the baby will be cared for! What matters is that she will be left at virtual strangers in a home she's not familiar with.
We have no idea how this may affect the babies emotional well being.
It's just unfathomable that the same mothers that would never put their babies in physical danger, don't care about the babies emotional health. Emotional/mental well-being is no different than physical well being. |
OP is going to familiarize her baby with the home.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:04 pm
It sounds like you need to convince yourself all will be fine. No need to be nasty to those that are saying the uncomfortable truth.
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tichellady
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 6:05 pm
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I think it's fine but have her spend more time with them in their house before you go. help her feel more comfortable with them and in their space
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