Too much "speaking" at event (s)

Yakira

Thu, May 08 2008, 8:28 pm

The nicest simcha Ive ever been to was a seudas hoda'ah this past Chanukah of my uncle who b'h is recovering from a successful heart transplant. THere was ONE speech -- his experiences as he was being wheeled into surgery. THe rest of the night was singing and shmoozing and eating.

There should be a two speech limit at every simcha.

mumoo

Thu, May 08 2008, 8:34 pm

Fox wrote:

Boys and girls both need instruction -- not just practice -- in public speaking skills. How much Torah do we lose simply because people aren't able to communicate it to others? Likewise, not everyone should speak in public. You don't earn the right to an audience simply by inviting them to a simcha!

If you speak as well as you write, I'd go to all the "simchas" you were speaking at.

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Fri, May 09 2008, 7:07 am

Don't get me wrong, I like a good shiur & I like a speech. I acutally miss the speeches at Bar MItzvas; IIRC there used to be more.

I just think there's a time and place for everything.

↑ Clarissa ↓

Fri, May 09 2008, 7:30 am

I don't understand one thing. Are these people asked to give speeches? Does somebody say, "Uncle Jack, can you please say a few words?" Or are they just inspired to jump up and say something. Are these people who have a tendency to give long, rambling speeches at anything they attend? Do they not have spouses who would tell them that they need to rein it in at those moments where they're inspired?

If my husband stood up and went on and on at somebody's event (which would never happen, as he's the shy, modest type), I'd certainly let him know before the next occasion. Even if it took threatening to secretly pour a little ice water down his pants if he exceeded five minutes.

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Fri, May 09 2008, 7:50 am

The simchas inquestion are a Tzeischem Lesholom during the week, and sevral Shabbos Kallahs on Shabbos afternoon.

At the T.L., one of the women asked that we go aroudn the table to give the kallah eitehr a bracha, or to tell her something valuable for sholom bayis. (Simply put, that can go on forever, depending on the crowd. And G'fabid yu should speak to a friend in the middle, cuz then people can't hear or it's deemed not respectful to the person speaking. )

One such event named above, the hostess had ALSO asked a rabbi to come, to speak. His speech took the better part of an hour. Then they got back to the round table advice-giving.

As I said, in order to eat a little something and then give the kallh your give wishes, it meant staying until after 11 PM; too late for me !!!!

As I said, I think shiurim, brochos, etc., are lovely, I jsut don't think that should be your whole vening, KWIM ?

↑ Clarissa ↓

Fri, May 09 2008, 9:51 am

louche wrote:

I feel sorry for the kallah. Everyone and her machatenesteh giving her advice, all at once, at what's supposed to be a party. Poor thing.

True, and the most crucial piece of advice is the one I offered on that thread about the most important thing in a marriage.

Floss.

If someone stood up and offered this advice, it would take one second, and then everyone could return to eating and having fun.

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Fri, May 09 2008, 9:51 am

Actually, the events I go to are mainly girls who became frum later in life. That's maybe why one of the invitees opens her mouths.

I think the kallah might like it, anyway. It's ME who doesn't !

Raisin

Fri, May 09 2008, 10:03 am

Clarissa wrote:

yes. dh was asked just last week, Uncle Yankel*, will you give a speech at ds's bar mitzva.

actually he said no, which was a shame because about 7 other ppl spoke at length and with great dullness. dh would have spoken briefly and with humour. After 7 years of being a Rabbi, he is a good speaker. (that, or everyone in our shul are polite liars)

*not his real name

↑ Clarissa

Fri, May 09 2008, 10:15 am

Raisin wrote:

See, that's the thing. People should know where their strengths lie. Don't play the violin at a gathering unless you're really good. Don't offer to make the dessert if you haven't baked anything that involves more than slice-n-bake, and DON'T speak if you're not a good speaker. I totally believe that Uncle Yankel* is a good speaker. You know it, and he probably does. Somebody needs to have told the other seven that they should stick with the violin-playing or something.

*not his real name

↑ chocolate moose

Fri, May 09 2008, 10:17 am

that's why going around the table to offer advice is such a bad idea.

At my kiddush, for example, if I've tidied up the plce, shepped tables, and helped serve and such, I hvae no strength left to think of what to say to the oilam for the yortZeit or whatever, too !