Too much "speaking" at event (s)

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chocolate moose ↓

Wed, May 07 2008, 9:35 pm

Often at Shabbos Kallos or similar events, they go around the table to give advice and brochos to the kallah...and then, after that, the last event I went to, there was an hour-long speaker, too!

In order to give your good wishes to the kallah, and eat a little something, we were there way past 11 PM (this was during the week)!

Does this strike you as unnecessarsy? What's wrong with an event just being a social, good time ?

pinkbubbles

Thu, May 08 2008, 4:05 am

here in the UK there are non stop speeches at weddings.. its soooo boring!! I'm not used to it (I'm from NY)

ChossidMom ↓

Thu, May 08 2008, 7:56 am

Unfortunately, many people who give divrei torah just don't know how.

How to keep it interesting and how to keep it short.

They just drone on and on. And noone's really listening.

Sometimes having a few short vorts is actually interesting and entertaining.

louche ↓

Thu, May 08 2008, 8:15 am

Definitely the DT's can be overdone.

shopaholic ↓

Thu, May 08 2008, 10:00 am

CM , if you're speaking about the Shabbos Kallah we both went to b4 Pesach, I agree. I've never actually been to a Shabbos Kallah where anyone speaks. It's usually a free for all, lots of shmoozing, not a simcha where we have to sit quietly for an hour. I was kind of frustrated. I felt like I turned up in the middle of a shiur.

DefyGravity

Thu, May 08 2008, 10:03 am

It's gotten to the point that when I get an invitation to a simcha, I groan, because I know it's going to be filled with boring speeches, and immediately try and think of a good excuse not to attend.

Clarissa ↓

Thu, May 08 2008, 10:03 am

I don't understand people with absolutely no social skills who don't notice fidgety, bored listeners, yawns, stretches, throats clearing, chairs moving around as people contemplate suicide rather than listening to another five minutes of a speech.

Don't these speakers have people who love them enough to gently tug at their sleeves or shoot them a look?

Thankfully, I've never been to a simcha where this has happened. I'd probably walk out if it did, using a nursing child as an excuse. I don't care if my kids are fully grown, either. I'll nurse if it gets me out of there.

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Thu, May 08 2008, 10:05 am

momof3 wrote:

I'm actually not speaking spec. about that event, but in general. I see such behaviour a lot lately.

Mimisinger

Thu, May 08 2008, 10:13 am

I went to a close friends wedding that had more speaking than music and dancing! I had never seen such a thing. The entire time we were eating we were listening to speeches! Each parent, had a separate speech, each sibling, friends and rabbis! It was very boring.

↑ ChossidMom ↓

Thu, May 08 2008, 10:21 am

That's what I love about weddings in Israel (at least Chassidish ones).

NO SPEECHES.

chavy

Thu, May 08 2008, 10:28 am

where do u find weddings with speeches, I never heard of any such thing in bklyn where I live.... Rolling Eyes

????

↑ louche ↓

Thu, May 08 2008, 11:02 am

Me neither, except under the chuppah. the mesader kiddushin says the usual few words,beautiful kallah inside & out, wonderful chosson, dedicated parents, nimshal am yisrael and hakodosh boruch hu, ish, ishah, if no hashem is esh, maasim tovim, nachas, bayis neeman, mazal tov, finished. No speeches at the reception.

All except one unforgettable wedding where the girl's father was the mesader kiddushin (offciating rabbi), and the boy's father was the mara d'asra (rabbi of the shul), or verse vicea, and both men had known each other since Ah,Oh,Eh,Bah,Boh,Beh. We were treated to a stroll down Memory Lane ("would you have imagined, Berel, when we shared contraband cookies in Rav Jakobowitz's shiur, that one day we'd be sharing grandchildren? Thank you for not telling the rebbe that it was I who put the live frog in his desk in honor of Parashas Bo." "I owed you for not telling Rav Levine that it was I who put prune juice in his coffee carafe."

This was entertaining for about 10 minutes. Too bad the speeches lasted an hour.

↑ shopaholic ↓

Thu, May 08 2008, 11:13 am

In CH, from all the weddings I've been to I think I've lonly been to one with speeches. But, in England it's a big thing.

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Thu, May 08 2008, 11:17 am

25 years ago, in CH there were speeches too. It fell out of favor as of late.

Fox

Thu, May 08 2008, 11:39 am

Many Roshei Yeshiva of the previous generation were adamant that all bochrim and yungerleit take formal instruction in public speaking. Unfortunately, many people today naively believe that public speaking skills are something that anyone can just pick up "on the fly". And we can all attest that the success of that philosophy!

Boys and girls both need instruction -- not just practice -- in public speaking skills. How much Torah do we lose simply because people aren't able to communicate it to others? Likewise, not everyone should speak in public. You don't earn the right to an audience simply by inviting them to a simcha!

↑ ChossidMom

Thu, May 08 2008, 11:47 am

Unfortunately, you do Confused

Mrs. XYZ

Thu, May 08 2008, 11:50 am

In many communities, these speeches are unofficially only for the men and the women go about their usual chatter, although they try to tone it down a bit. If it starts getting too noisy, the men start "sh-sh-ing". I know some will think its not derech eretz, but the women are not really expected to listen and understand all these speeches, cause many times the women cant even hear them clearly.

Blossom

Thu, May 08 2008, 2:06 pm

I don't care if anyone thinks I've got a lack of Derech Eretz or whatever.
But when I go out to a simcha, I have.............searched high and low for a decent babysitter, will be paying her a more than decent amount, I have taken the time to get dressed - do my makeup - put on my jewelry, I have ran around tidying up the house like a maniac to make sure the house looks presentable, and I'm probably taking off precious sleep hours too. So after all that when I go out to a Simcha I am interested to enjoy myself to the fullest which includes, Socializing and recapping with my family and friends some of them that I haven't seen in a while and just having a good time. Nobody has the right to take that away from me. I come for the Simcha because I was invited and I come to enjoy myself. Speeches Smeeches.............I'll leave that for when I attend a shiur.

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Thu, May 08 2008, 2:40 pm

What are you gonna do when you're shushed? I have that sometimes, like Shabbos afternoon I'm setting up for the Kiddush and people complain they can't hear the last Kaddish, etc.

Or someone is giving over a vort that I either can't hear, can't understand or some such.

Motek

Thu, May 08 2008, 3:48 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

I see such behaviour a lot lately.

If you spell british, you will be subjected to their practice of having speeches at simchas! Twisted Evil

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