Does your husband potch?

↑ RevitalizedMom

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 10:39 am

tweety1 wrote:

I'll bite. Potching will NOT damage your child. And if you claim it did then there are alot more serious issues going on. Alot more than the potch. Talk about the generation we live in. Oh, my mother potched me that's why xyz....

How can you say this with certainty when you simply don’t know every case?

amother

Maple

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 10:43 am

My dh never potched. Sometimes I think he has no temper and infinite patience.

When my older kids were toddlers I’d occasionally give a light potch. But then I learned better methods. And much much more patience. I also came to realize it was me more being over whelmed then their behavior.
BH I haven’t in years.

(Not saying I’m amazing parent but definitely improved for better in that area)

(I do think ppl negate verbal too much. I’ve heard parents scream were sometimes I think the child would prefer a quick potch over the words…bH that isn’t something I struggle with but I’ve heard it and it horrified me).

↑ Chayalle ↓

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 10:47 am

amother [ Cadetblue ] wrote:

No I don't.

Just asking: how many of those who are so against hitting will have no problem hitting their child for going in the street? I seriously can't wrap my head around this. If you think it's ok to hit your child, that's one thing. But don't be apposed to hitting your kid for something else but then say it's ok to hit if they run into the street.

If my child runs in the street, then I'm the one who deserves that potch.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 10:51 am

amother [ Maple ] wrote:

I agree with this post very much. I myself had a journey from light potch to no potch. Ditto for the verbal - I learned better skills than potching, yelling, etc....

I do think parental abuse can come in many forms. When I was in high school, I had a friend whose parents were into the silent treatment, and I can't even describe how it messed up their kids. Maybe a potch and done would've done less damage! That doesn't mean that potching is a positive way to parent. Just that there are all sorts of damaging interactions that can occur if parents don't learn better coping skills and chinuch methods.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 10:57 am

cupcake123 wrote:

Just want to say chayalle if you ever give parenting classes I'll be the first to sign up!

Aw thanks

Parenting has been a journey for me and I don't consider myself an expert. But I have had awesome classes from Mrs. Leah Trenk (wife of Just Love Them!), whom I consider my mentor in parenting. She's an amazing woman B"AH.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 11:02 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

That's a little harsh. Things happen and we can't prevent all of them. But I agree punishment is not the answer.

Yeah you're right it's not that I'm blaming anyone really. Not everything is in our control as parents (I have a SN nephew who will run into the street, and trust me his mother cannot control that as hard as she tries). But it's my job to do my very best to watch my kid so they don't run in the street. And of course to talk to them about the dangers. Perhaps when they are too young, to stay farther away to protect them.

Before giving a kid a potch for running in the street, a parent should ask themselves - did I really do my best? Or was I shmoozing and not watching. Do I want to use this method because it's a quick fix and makes MY life easier.

I heard a tape from R' Avigdor Miller where he discusses a child who fell out of a window, and at the Shiva people were talking about it being a Din from Shomayim, etc...and he said a parent should ask themselves, did I put bars on the window? Or a heavy piece of furniture in front of it?

He says do you make sure to keep your hot drink away from the edge of the table, so a child can't get hurt?

Don't run to the hitting, first make sure you took every precaution.

I have seen parents potch a child when the kid ran in the street. A kid they didn't have their eyes on for the minutes before that potch.

amother

Lightgray

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 11:04 am

There's multitudes of facets to the way we parent and connect with our children that determine the outcome. One can potch and have amazing children because they had amazing communication and connections. One may never potch but raise bitter angry children that never felt a parents love. We should not potch in anger. If we do we work on ourselves. But we also work on the 10 million other ways we can be a good or bad parent...

amother

Springgreen ↓

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 11:06 am

Chayalle wrote:

My father potched us each once for stepping one foot into the street (yes we were being watched) at not even 2 years old and we never tried again. I can't imagine we are very scarred from it.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 11:29 am

Chayalle wrote:

If my child runs in the street, then I'm the one who deserves that potch.

This isn't true. I've watched a 4 year old kid who knew very well not to run into the street run into the street. B"H his mother gave him a well deserved potch. The point is if the only time a parent potches is when a child does something extremely dangerous then the potch will be effective. A responsible parent doesn't deserve a potch when their child misbehaves. A responsible parent knows how to guide their child so their child can make good choices.

↑ BrisketBoss ↓

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 11:35 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

It's not an effective long term solution, nor is any punishment. The children on whom potches would be most likely to 'work' are the least likely to receive them.

behappy2

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 11:47 am

It depends if it's light or not. I wouldn't say anything if it's light potches and not often.

We don't know your husband and how receptive he is to criticism. If he will listen your can ask him to find another way and that it bothers you.

If it's abuse then you need guidance on how to deal with it.

mommy201 ↓

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 11:48 am

amother [ Cadetblue ] wrote:

I agree with this. I don’t remember hitting for going in the street. If your child is little then you need to watch over them and not trust them near a street - the responsibility is on the parent. Not to shmooze with your friends and look the other way and expect your 2 year old not to run in the street.
I also have taught a lesson with the same or better affect as a potch, when my kids were bigger (3, 4yrs). If there are ways to do it without a potch then it’s wrong - and there are ways - ppl just need to to think a little.

↑ mommy201

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 11:56 am

Chayalle wrote:

Aw thanks

Wow! Yes I know Mrs Trenk- she is good friends with my mother. She’s an amazing person. Anyone who wants patenting advice, just take a look at her. And take a look at how her husband reb Dovid alav hashalom dealt with every human being! The love and compassion and warmth and no judgement emanating out of him is enough to show you how that kind of parenting works!

↑ BrisketBoss ↓

Tue, Mar 22 2022, 12:10 pm

amother [ DarkCyan ] wrote:

Potching a kid who runs into the street is a fair exception. It's also okay to potch an adult who runs into the street.

Why would an adult run into the street?

Consider the reasons, and then really ask yourself whether a potch would be a reasonable response.