Moms as friends? | Imamother

amother

Wed, Feb 23 2022, 9:08 pm

I’m newish to my community and quite shy so making friends isn’t smooth at all.
I teach at the local girl’s school and bh I’m loving it and am very successful.
I’m just frustrated because I meet and talk to many of my students mothers and they seem like such nice intelligent and relatable people yet I’m burning all my bridges with them.
I speak to them professionally and they respond with respect and the relationship is very cordial as it should be. But every year as I get a new batch of students and get to know more parents there are less and less ppl who I can be simply friends with and not be “my daughters Morah”.

Has anyone been through this? Would u ever think to get to know your kids Morah or to stam chat to her ?

amother

Coral ↓

Wed, Feb 23 2022, 9:20 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

As a morah, I make friends with my students mothers all the time.

amother

Oxfordblue

Wed, Feb 23 2022, 9:24 pm

I’ve become friends with my kid’s teachers. Usually once the year is over. But it doesn’t bother me to be friends with a past teacher if we got along and she was nice.

amother

Daisy ↓

Wed, Feb 23 2022, 10:59 pm

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

As a morah, I make friends with my students mothers all the time.

And those kids in the class whose mothers aren’t friends with you get the exact same treatment?

Sesame

Wed, Feb 23 2022, 11:11 pm

I was friends with a teacher of my child. I did not see under any circumstances that my child was treated differently in the classroom! Would she chat with me more than others at pick up time? Sure! Would she give me nice feedback about my child when I asked? Sure! But I think she treated all the kids the same

imasinger

Thu, Feb 24 2022, 4:07 am

I smile at threads like this, or like the ones declaring in shock, "I had to use a mikvah lady that I know!"

When you live in a smaller community, these things are commonplace.

OP, the shyness is a bigger factor than the profession. How might you be willing to take a risk? Ask a likely person to join you for a walk or a coffee? Go to some kind of shiur or group situation, and share with a likely candidate that you're looking for more friends in your newish community? Confide in an older mentor type who could maybe facilitate a connection? Take your kids to the park or some other activity every (day/week/whatever) at the same time, and start chatting with the other regulars you see?

DVOM

Thu, Feb 24 2022, 5:03 am

Two of my closest friends today were my kids teachers when they were younger. The relationship started when my boys were in their classes, and it took off from there.

amother

Mimosa ↓

Thu, Feb 24 2022, 4:42 pm

I would definitely love to be friends with some of my DD's teachers! If only they weren't like two decades younger than me lol...

creditcards

Fri, Feb 25 2022, 12:25 pm

amother [ Mimosa ] wrote:

I would definitely love to be friends with some of my DD's teachers! If only they weren't like two decades younger than me lol...

Who said you can't be friends?

amother

↑ Mimosa

Fri, Feb 25 2022, 12:55 pm

creditcards wrote:

Who said you can't be friends?

I’m definitely friendly, but I get the feeling that they look at me as an older woman, not a friend. Don’t blame them, I am old!

amother

↑ Coral

Fri, Feb 25 2022, 1:41 pm

amother [ Daisy ] wrote:

And those kids in the class whose mothers aren’t friends with you get the exact same treatment?

How is this even a question.

DrMom

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 8:51 am

I have a few friends with whom I was friendly before I even had kids. Eventually, they became my kids' teachers in various subjects.

According to your logic, should I break off these friendships? Of course not. Smile

amother

↑ Daisy

Sat, Feb 26 2022, 1:02 pm

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

How is this even a question.

Because I have seen how it works. When my son was younger, a boy in his class who was a bully and misbehaved never got into trouble. It puzzled me until I found out the Rabbi of their class was a close family friend of their family.