Sweet, cute, fun 10 y.o DD doesn’t have friends

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:59 pm

We moved I little over a year ago. Before the move she was super popular, had a lot of neighborhood friends and nice core group of school friends. We never had a bored Sunday. If she wants friends she had them.
Then we moved.. she was put with brand new girls and all year bounced around trying to play with different girls. Nothing ever took off very well.. she had one girl who she really liked and they play beautifully together for hours but her mom isn’t very responsive so I’d text her and she wouldn’t answer for hours or ever, it was frustrating. We reached out to diff girls all the time but nothing ever really clicked. End of last year we got a notice from school that they are mixing the grade. We wrote down who we want to be with and she got put with her 4th choice (who she had little to do with to begin with)
She here we are 1.5 months into the new school year and I have an appt next week with another child and it may run late. I asked her if there’s a friend she wants to go to straight from school and she can’t think of anyone!! My heart is braking for her! We live on a very quiet block .. we have a few frum families but no one has a girl her age .. sometimes she plays with the boys out of desperation. I’m loosing my mind !! Pls offer chizzuk!!!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:04 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

I’d tell her to call someone who thinks is really nice and kind. I’d also actively have her invite a girl once a week so she can build relationships and see who she clicks with.

I didn’t write up my entire history but a this is what I’ve been doing since I moved .. chasing friends for her.. and 2-3 months in she got really upset at me. She told me that she’s been on way too many awkward play dates and she’s not interested. She told me she’s a 3rd wheel when she goes to another girl and they already have a friend over (which happens a lot on Shabbos)

amother

↑ Powderblue

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

At 10 girls call themselves, it’s possible you setting it up is making it more awkward. Have her call the one she liked, the mother who wasn’t responsive.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:14 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

At 10 girls call themselves, it’s possible you setting it up is making it more awkward. Have her call the one she liked, the mother who wasn’t responsive.

She can call the moms cell phone till she’s blue in the face, the mom doesn’t pick up her phone.. also just feeling out the sitch in her class.. most of the moms text each other . Not too many landlines going on ..
and this friend who she liked is no longer in her class

amother

Lightpink

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:34 pm

Maybe reach out to a teacher and let her know what's going on. Sometimes they can put her together with another nice girl for a project or something to sort of push it along. They can also speak to the girls about including everybody.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:47 pm

soproud wrote:

It’s very, very hard!
Similar situation here but my dc is 12… I don’t have advice. I’m definitely sympathizing.
I wish your daughter all the best, with ease and happiness.

Amen and to yours too!!!

amother

NeonPink ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

Have you tried texting the non responsive mom? I am often unable to pick up the phone, but I can usually respond to a text pretty promptly and easily.

Oops never mind, I see you did. Are your texts easy to answer, like "Would Sara like to come play with Rivka?"

My DD is the same age and she and her friends text each other's parents sometimes. Like, "Hi this is [friend], can [daughter] come over?" Can your daughter do that?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:51 pm

amother NeonPink wrote:

Yes, 10 of them in a row with zero response. I actually get insulted nothing to do with my daughter. Do u not have 10 seconds to send a message back?
Regardless this girl isn’t in her class anymore and lives far. I just decided it’s not the one to chase anymore

amother

↑ NeonPink

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Gotcha, that is bizarre and sounds intentional.

Do you ever invite families for Shabbos meals? Could you invite one or two with girls her age? I find my kids often warm up to kids they didn't previously know over the course of a leisurely meal without any other friends around.

gibberish

Sun, Nov 10 2024, 9:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just a thought: any chance this mom doesn't have texting? There are still some people who try to stay away from it? Or does she work full day Sunday and can't reach her phone?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 10 2024, 9:08 pm

amother Purple wrote:

Same boat but it’s my son. He’s very shy. There’s only so many time I can keep initiating playdates without it being reciprocated. It breaks my heart as a mother. Crying

I’m the OP of this thread, I started it a couple weeks back leading up to an appt I had. DD didn’t have a friend to go to after school. In the end I made up with DD that she’ll come home and knock on a neighbors door and she’ll go there if she wants or she can hang out at home, call me, do hmwk etc. I was cleaning the kitchen that night and I spotted her class list on the fridge and I know there’s a family who lives near the school (so no carpool issues etc cuz she walks) and my daughter mentioned that she sits next to her and she’s a nice kid. I picked up the phone and called the mom I told her I’m in the pickle and can DD come to her after school the next day for just 45 mins. The mom said yes and when I picked DD up I asked the girl whose house she was in if she’d like to come to us soon . Maybe this will be the start of something .. one can hope (after another BORING!!! Sunday)

amother

Fuchsia ↓

Sun, Nov 10 2024, 9:09 pm

That's so hard! I agree with Sunday activity, such as art or gymnastics, dance whatever to help at least feel social Sunday.

It's hard to feel like a third wheel, but sometimes it just takes time to break into a friend group.

If she can think of someone who seems to have similar interests in her class. To invite over and try and build on that.

OR invite a friend to do a fun activity/outing. (Like a trampoline park, sky zone, pottery etc. or something they are into by you. ) make sure your not hovering and give them space to bond.these are just a few suggestions, but hopefully u get the idea..

Definitely try and have your daughter call herself, buy if it's not possible, then you can.

If you live near Highland park/Edison,NJ I have a 10yo daughter who LOVES making new friends! Let me know and we can set it up.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Nov 10 2024, 9:11 pm

gibberish wrote:

Just a thought: any chance this mom doesn't have texting? There are still some people who try to stay away from it? Or does she work full day Sunday and can't reach her phone?

So funny everyone is harping on this one friend, they aren’t in the same class anymore and I’m ready to be done with it. The mom had an iPhone and I see she read the messages

amother

↑ Fuchsia

Sun, Nov 10 2024, 10:44 pm

amother Fuchsia wrote:

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Nov 10 2024, 11:28 pm

I'm in a similar situation with my ten year old. She had friends who happened to move away. She friendly with the kids in her class but doesn't really click with any of them and doesn't want to socialize with them after school. I'm dealing with it by finding her things to do by herself. I encourage her to play with her brothers. I know friend are important but I think too much pressure can be counter productive and can ruin their self esteem. It's hard especially BC doesn't have a sister. I hope it works out for your daughter, I would keep in mind that at that age girls change and things can change pretty quickly.