My daughter's first job post school - what to do with her $?

DrMom

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 1:17 am

amother [ Seablue ] wrote:

Question, did your parents make you go get a job at some point or did you actively want to get one?
Only asking because if my parents were taking my paycheck at a young age I might’ve been discouraged from working

This.

If your minor child volunteers to contribute her earnings to the family income, that is one thing, but your DD goes out and gets a job, and then you start thinking, "hmm... should I let her keep the money she earned, or should I confiscate it?" or if you pressure her to hand over her salary, that is just plain wrong.

amother

↑ Vermilion ↓

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 1:19 am

amother [ Poppy ] wrote:

Yay for you Cheers

I’m allowed to feel resentful. None of my friends paid for camp at 14z

I did. The only summer I did go to camp.
But I knew my parents felt bad about it. Maybe that's why I was never resentful about needing to pay my own way for things.

amother

↑ DarkKhaki

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 2:45 am

amother [ Poppy ] wrote:

Yay for you Cheers

I’m allowed to feel resentful. None of my friends paid for camp at 14z

My sympathies. Ftr I dont think paying for camp at the age of 14 is average or should be done, I was pointing out the marrying off/adult part of life. Feel resentful all u want.

Iymnok

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 3:06 am

Financial responsibility it a really great gift to give our children. It’s a minimum wage job and she does have expenses. As she starts dealing with her own finances she will gain invaluable lessons. Also get her a credit card to start building her credit score.
The money she will be making won’t be much, but ir will give her that jump start when she starts “real life”.
Let her keep her money, it’s the greatest gift you could give her.

WhatFor

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 3:44 am

Iymnok wrote:

This. And it's beyond just not taking her money from her (which is insane to me and kind of sounds like stealing). Parents are supposed to raise children to be independent. They should be taking them to a bank and opening a bank account, teaching them about saving, investing, etc.

If a family has financial issues they should do whatever they can to help their children avoid the same fate.

amother

↑ Pearl ↓

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 8:44 am

amother [ DarkRed ] wrote:

Um what?
We all give our parents our money. They pay for whatever we need. Our chasunos. Then 5 years all rent, food, utilities. More if our husband's stay learning, less if they go to work and can afford it. On top of it because our parents are BH well off they give us a large wedding gift of money regardless of what we made before. We are BH blessed.

Most parents use the children's money for daily expenses and others to pay for the wedding and can't afford to pay rent and food after the chasuna. It's not dysfunctional at all. It's really normal in some communities. Obviously not in yours but it's not dysfunctional.

This is what my coworkers were telling me as well.

I asked them "why does the money have to be in your parents account?" and the answer everyone gave me was "if we wud go into marriage with all our money in our own bank account we and most couples like us would just blow through the money" (one person said they were so overjoyed with having so much money from chasunah gifts they used it in a few months. And not on necessities)

I was stunned.
I had plenty of money in our bank accounts and we were able to use it maturely to pay rent and utilities and groceries, gas, etc
My parents showed us by example how to be financially responsible
I guess these parents dont trust young couples with money, yet they trust them to get married and have babies...

amother

↑ DarkRed ↓

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 8:49 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

I've never heard that reasoning. Generally a wedding costs more than most girls make in the year or two or even three after 11 or 12th grade when they are working. Also couples keep drusha geshank which can be minimal but it can be a lot depending on the family. It's not about spending it. It's just a normal thing. You get your paycheck, you give it to your father, just like you would give your parents their paycheck. It's not dysfunctional and it is more toradig but I guess it's not done in some places which explains the negatively here but I'm surprised. It would be important to know if the op is from a community where this is accepted or not since that may change how she and her child feel about it.

amother

↑ Sunflower ↓

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 8:54 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

If they would let them keep their money, and have them pay for their own expenses before they get married, maybe they would learn how to be financially responsible adults before they get married.

↑ small bean ↓

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 9:01 am

amother [ Sunflower ] wrote:

If they would let them keep their money, and have them pay for their own expenses before they get married, maybe they would learn how to be financially responsible adults before they get married.

It's not logical. It's an excuse for the reasoning.

Last edited by small bean on Sun, Jul 04 2021, 9:05 am; edited 1 time in total

↑ small bean ↓

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 9:11 am

WhatFor wrote:

I went to the bank on my own with my first oay check nad opened an account. Until then my parenrs had a savings account for me in mutual funds.

My kids have custodian accounts and all 5heir money goes there. When they are 18, they will IYH open a new account for their paychecks.

I hope they will be financially responsible from watching and growing up in my home but we will see.

doodlesmom

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 9:17 am

None of the chassidish people I know take heir kids check and just use them.
First it is put into an account.
If the parents are desperate they can borrow sums from their child’s account, with a cheshbon.
If the parents aren’t doing that well it’s a great way to create a lump sum to pay for the girls wedding (which is acceptable)
If the parents don’t need the money then it’s a fantastic way to set up a new couple with savings.

↑ small bean ↓

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 9:18 am

I actually just thought of someone I know that's litvish that put her money in account and then promised support with that money. Her parents would give x amount a month from there.

If it would've been me, I would've just said, give me all the money now and I'll manage it.

I didn't get married with much money as I was onky working for 3 months before I got married but we didn't blow any money. I pretty much bought a house right away. (With mostly my husbands savings)

pecan

Sun, Jul 04 2021, 9:21 am

Let her save up for her own furniture, wigs and household needs for when she will get married. My parents paid for my wedding but since I had worked, I was responsible for setting up my home with my own money.
It's perfectly reasonable that she use some for her living expenses now and some should be saved for her future. This is the responsible thing to do.