Why does my son hit me?

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 11:37 am

For the past few weeks my 6 year old has been hitting me for no reason. Out of the blue he will just throw something at me. Sometimes it could really be something heavy. He also started saying things like "I hate you!". Also out of the blue. I never hit him or talk to him that way. I've tried asking him why he would say such a thing or asked why is he hitting me and he doesn't have a reason, or not one that he could express. I'm so confused and worried about this. He used to be such a cute and calm kid and now it looks like he's trying to get out some steam and using it on me and only me. Is this normal behavior for this age?

amother

Beige ↓

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 11:38 am

Does your husband behave this way?
Do children in his school behave this way?
Does he watch movies?
Call his teacher to see if this is going on in school.

notshanarishona ↓

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 11:50 am

You need to not allow it and show that its out of bounds. Many kids will do it once or twice in anger around that age but once you show them its off limits they will stop.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 11:59 am

notshanarishona wrote:

You need to not allow it and show that its out of bounds. Many kids will do it once or twice in anger around that age but once you show them its off limits they will stop.

How? I try talking and explaining that's it not allowed but he continues. The same hour he might come and kiss me and say "I love you!". I took away things that he likes but it hasn't helped.

amother

↑ Beige

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 12:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How? I try talking and explaining that's it not allowed but he continues. The same hour he might come and kiss me and say "I love you!". I took away things that he likes but it hasn't helped.

You can put him in a time out.

trixx

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 12:01 pm

He is expressing big feelings and doesn't have the words for it. All the lectures, threats and punishments in the world won't help. Obviously his bahevaior is also not acceptable. So a calm "I won't let you hit me" and blocking his arm while also "you seem really upset. You seem like you're full of big feelings" and giving him a big hug (sensory - calm him down) and offering other words

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 12:07 pm

Find out if he is being bullied or having a hard time at school, is he being molested? Did you have a baby recently or have any other upheaval in his world? Could it be pandas? This is not usual behavior for a 6 ur old Out of the blue that has before been a very agreeable child.

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 12:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How? I try talking and explaining that's it not allowed but he continues. The same hour he might come and kiss me and say "I love you!". I took away things that he likes but it hasn't helped.

I'd get angry. Not "talk and explain." I'm all for gentle parenting but some things are not acceptable, period.

"OUCH, that really hurt! Stop that right now!"

Does it again? "DS, you hurt me! I don't like to het hurt, so I'm going to a different room right now away from you so I won't get hurt."

Instead of putting him in timeout, take yourself away from him.

↑ notshanarishona

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 12:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How? I try talking and explaining that's it not allowed but he continues. The same hour he might come and kiss me and say "I love you!". I took away things that he likes but it hasn't helped.

Time out? Taking away privileges? Earlier bed time? A 6 year old is old enough to understand

amother

Aqua ↓

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 12:18 pm

Check for strep. It can cause unexplained and unprovoked rage and aggression.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 12:37 pm

When a child suddenly starts to act out, there's usually something going on.
Please reach out to the school to find out if he's being billied or something else is going on. Talk to the teacher about how he's in school.
Check him for strept as well.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 12:45 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

Check for strep. It can cause unexplained and unprovoked rage and aggression.

Thanks. I once read that there's a blood test that could pick up on it. If he doesn't have an active strep infection.
Does anyone know what I should ask my pediatrician for? Like which test to order? (I live in Canada...so the more specific I am about what I want the better chance I'll get it)

amother

↑ Aqua ↓

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 1:12 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

ASO and antiDNASE-b are strep titers

amother

Wine

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 1:32 pm

Play with him, draw with him, all while talking to him and maybe he will provide a clue. If this is a new behavior I would say either someone is hitting him in school or he is very frustrated at school and can't express himself.

simcha2

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 1:36 pm

Kids who are hurting attack those whose love they don't doubt. He knows you'll still love him no matter what he does, so he feels safe letting his anger out on you.

If this is new behavior I'd assume there is a cause. Something is going on. Time to play detective. Is something happening at school? (Bullying, academic problem, teacher conflict). Or somewhere else (being excluded, abuse, death in family).

amother

↑ Aqua

Sun, Jan 03 2021, 2:02 pm

sarah14 wrote:

Just ask to test for PANDAS

Many pediatricians will not know how to do a proper workup for this. And FYI, there is no test for pandas, it’s a clinical diagnosis. The testing can give you clues but doesn’t definitively rule anything in or out.