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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
jj1236
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 Thu, Aug 13 2020, 8:45 am
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I don't think this is actually an "interesting discussion" per se, but I didn't know where else to ask. I'm just curious when people buy those beautiful big Shabbos candlesticks. I light for as many people in my family. Right now I have 4 separate ones but I'm wondering if people keep adding when they have more children, how would they know when to buy an expensive big one if they might have to add on?
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ShishKabob
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 9:53 am
When you have the money for it! 
Some people will buy one with a 5 branch and then leave one empty and fill it in later.
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zaq
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 9:55 am
There's no mesorah for this. You have no way of knowing in advance what size family you'll have. There are heavy single candlesticks into which you can insert a separate branched topper (I'm leery of this as they are less stable than a unit that is made as one piece) and there are branched candelabra with little finial-topped lids that you can buy to cover any unused sockets.
I suspect that many people wait till "vatereh ki amdah miledet" to buy a big multiple-unit candelabrum, but you never know. I've seen people with a big branched candelabrum plus an assortment of individual candlesticks.
Of course some people inherit a candelabrum from someone so they have it already. And some people never do get a many-branched number and use their motley assortment forever.
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chanatron1000
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 9:59 am
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Most people don't have a candelabra with the exact right number of branches. People who are very wealthy can upgrade for every child. (You might not have to be that wealthy, actually. I'm not sure what the resale value is if you trade in.)
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amother
Peach
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 10:01 am
I always want to use the candlesticks I started lighting candles on... it's the sentimental value.
I also feel like it's more traditional shabbos rather than these candelabra, which I don't necessarily find pretty or matching the room's aesthetic.
My mom got her 5 piece as a bride. She hated lighting it until she had 3 kids and felt it was 'full'. She had a few more kids and uses small singles for those candles.
My sister in law recently got a 5 piece when she had her 3rd child as well. My grandmother started with a 5 piece, used some singles until she had enough to buy a 9 piece (or 11 piece I'm not sure). There are no rules.
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saralem
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 10:08 am
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I’m pretty happy with my assortment. Each one represents another child. My mom just gave me her 5 candle one but I feel odd using it.
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amother
Turquoise
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 10:10 am
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I received 2 candlesticks when I got married and I used that plus glass candle holders till I had my 3rd baby. I got a candelabra as a baby gift.
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amother
Lavender
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 10:17 am
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After my first, I used a glass one. After my second my husband bought me a set in a smaller size that matches what I got as a Kallah, just smaller. After my third I used glass and then after my fourth, I got another smaller size matched set. I love how I still use the set I got as a Kaplan, along with your smaller ones that match.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 10:39 am
And of course, some people light two candles.
I may have mentioned this before, but a very sweet, and very newly-minted baalas teshuva once tried to explain to me that only Reform Jews light two candles. I smiled sweetly.
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jj1236
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 11:05 am
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Thanks! I was just wondering if there was one thing everybody knew to do and I just was out of the loop. But now I see that everyone just does their own thing.
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zaq
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 11:24 am
| amother [ Sienna ] wrote: | And of course, some people light two candles.
I may have mentioned this before, but a very sweet, and very newly-minted baalas teshuva once tried to explain to me that only Reform Jews light two candles. I smiled sweetly. |
bizarre.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 11:27 am
Not really. I was the first Orthodox Jew she ever met who lit two candles. She'd been told that adding a candle per child is what you have to do. How could she know otherwise?
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amother
cornflower
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 11:30 am
| jj1236 wrote: | | I don't think this is actually an "interesting discussion" per se, but I didn't know where else to ask. I'm just curious when people buy those beautiful big Shabbos candlesticks. I light for as many people in my family. Right now I have 4 separate ones but I'm wondering if people keep adding when they have more children, how would they know when to buy an expensive big one if they might have to add on? |
We have the two from when we got married and with each child we added a shotglass near it. I light with oil so a shotglass is enough, I don't need a candlestick. I have a second set of short candlesticks, DD lights one of them and the mate is for when her sister starts talking or turns 3.
Sometimes I think of buying nice candlesticks but it's not something that's so important to me, and I feel like it's a hazard as long as we have small children at home.
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zaq
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 11:47 am
| amother [ Sienna ] wrote: | | Not really. I was the first Orthodox Jew she ever met who lit two candles. She'd been told that adding a candle per child is what you have to do. How could she know otherwise? |
Because there is plenty of sentimental Jewish calendar-type art showing a woman lighting two, or a still life with challah, becher, and two candles.
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zaq
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 11:49 am
| amother [ cornflower ] wrote: | | I feel like it's a hazard as long as we have small children at home. |
Quite. When my dgc are here, I use tea lights.
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amother
Cerulean
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:06 pm
I got a candelabra as a kallah. A 5 piece.
My sil got a 6 pc.
🤔
(Not that I’m comparing, I hate when she thinks she has to do the same for everyone, this is just funny to me)
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amother
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:18 pm
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I just light two- it’s a rarity though I think, most people I see light for each child
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amother
Yellow
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:34 pm
| amother [ Copper ] wrote: | | I just light two- it’s a rarity though I think, most people I see light for each child |
Many things that were commonplace when I was younger are suddenly rare. I didn't even learn about adding a candle for each child till I encountered Lubavitch in college. For some reason, "everyone" wants to be more ostentatiously frum, regardless of family tradition. I come from a long line of two-candle lighters. My dd out of nowhere decided an extra candle for each child, possibly because that's what her mil does. (talk about a slap in the face to me and all my maternal ancestors). My ds out of nowhere decided not to cut his ds hair till he was three, despite the fact that we descend from a long line of conscientious objectors to this custom, because that's what his wife's family does. While this isn't awful in the grand scheme of things--having a dc otd would be worse-- whatever happened to the principle of sticking to your own family's minhagim? Somehow no matter if it's my dd or my ds, the machatunim's minhagim win out. Where did I go wrong?
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amother
Burlywood
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:44 pm
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this is actually a minhag that goes by what your mother did- not your MIL. hence I light two
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