When to buy Shabbos candlesticks for growing family?

banana123

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 3:49 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

Many things that were commonplace when I was younger are suddenly rare. I didn't even learn about adding a candle for each child till I encountered Lubavitch in college. For some reason, "everyone" wants to be more ostentatiously frum, regardless of family tradition. I come from a long line of two-candle lighters. My dd out of nowhere decided an extra candle for each child, possibly because that's what her mil does. (talk about a slap in the face to me and all my maternal ancestors). My ds out of nowhere decided not to cut his ds hair till he was three, despite the fact that we descend from a long line of conscientious objectors to this custom, because that's what his wife's family does. While this isn't awful in the grand scheme of things--having a dc otd would be worse-- whatever happened to the principle of sticking to your own family's minhagim? Somehow no matter if it's my dd or my ds, the machatunim's minhagim win out. Where did I go wrong?

You didn't do wrong, you did right.

Both your DD and DS understood that more important than family minhagim is shalom bayit. So when they saw that something was super-important to their spouse, they let it go.

amother

↑ Copper

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 4:04 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

I’m young, but I love that I am continuing this minhag from my maternal family after taking on so many of my DH minhagim when I got married.

I feel for you- it must hurt that your DD didn’t continue this.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 4:26 pm

I inherited my great grandmother's set which is 2 candlesticks with a 3 candle candelabra to add on to each.
So I started lighting the 2 sticks.
Took away 1 and added the top to the other so I could light 3 with my first. Added back in the stick with my second. Added the top on the second till I had 4 kids. Then I started using dollar store glass candlesticks. Works fine for me and I would have done it from the beginning if I didn't have this inherited set.

↑ zaq

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 4:38 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

Sounds like those math riddles that go: You need to measure 5 ounces of milk for a recipe, but all you have is a quart jar and a 4 ounce cup and an 8 ounce cup with no volume markings. How do you get exactly 5 ounces?

ChFried

Fri, Dec 13 2024, 2:23 pm

Back to the original question. If you buy a quality silver candelabra, you can always sell it and buy a Bigger one.

I’m in a weird position that I am done having children, plus my husband a”h unfortunately died this year. And We have ka”h 7 Children. For sentimental reasons, it feels wrong not to light the original candlesticks he got me, but there’s a lot more 9 branch candelabras available than 7 branch. So I’m not sure what I’m gonna do. I could get a nine branch and just keep my original ones in a cupboard on display, but I don’t know. I could just start lighting 11 for no good reason

Eselle13

Fri, Dec 13 2024, 2:41 pm

My mother got a 5 or 6 branch and slowly filled it up. When she had another kid and didn't fit anymore, she went back to the local silver store and they twisted off the top part with the branches and sold her version with more arms. (She keeps the base) It was a trade in and she added a little bit more money for the extra arm.

ra_mom

Fri, Dec 13 2024, 2:43 pm

Some people buy a candelabra with the idea they can use some extra branches if need me like 2 shamor/zachor oils in the front branches, and 1 silver flame in the middle, so they have a bit of wiggle room with 3 of the lights.

Some people trade in later on for something larger.

Raisel

Fri, Dec 13 2024, 3:27 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

Not really. I was the first Orthodox Jew she ever met who lit two candles. She'd been told that adding a candle per child is what you have to do. How could she know otherwise?

Wracking my brain to remember whether I've seen more than two...

Fri, Dec 13 2024, 3:29 pm

I started with two - gift from my mil
Someone else had bought us travel silver candlesticks for a wedding gift . I never used them when traveling lol. But they were perfect for kids one and two. Then shot glasses for kids 3 and 4. When child 5 was born my mil generously gave me a 8 candelabra, with a decorative silver piece to place in the center arm that I wasn’t using yet. Kh as the family grew I now use all the spots on the candelabra and my original two. I love the arrangement, makes me happy each week. I have friends who got multi arm candelabras as kallahs, to each his own , but it felt weird to me. I’m
Happy by mil started me off with a set of two.

Iymnok

Yesterday at 2:01 pm

Mostly assortment here!
I'm not sure if I like candelabra. I don't have a lot of space. I do want something that looks neater. Hatzorfim doesn't have my style in smaller. The larger is huge!

Maybe I should go into some shops with a tape measure.