Yom Kippur or Tisha B'Av?`

Flip Flops ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2019, 8:09 pm

I was in shul today and everyone was so serious!! I smiled at a few neighbors and they gave me this tight lipped face in return. I thought yom kippur was a yom tov (I know it's a serious day, but still not a sad one) - why did it look like tisha b'av? Was I the one being too happy?

imanonymous ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2019, 8:18 pm

It's serious. Some people mistake serious with joyless.

Also, there may be many people who mix up Yom Kippur and Tisha B'Av.

↑ imanonymous

Wed, Oct 09 2019, 8:19 pm

Duplicate

Last edited by imanonymous on Wed, Oct 09 2019, 8:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

lavenderchimes

Wed, Oct 09 2019, 8:22 pm

Many people may be feeling sick, nauseous, headachy from the fast.

HonesttoGod

Wed, Oct 09 2019, 9:30 pm

I grew up with YK Being a super serious sad no-smile-no-breathing kinda day.
It scarred me and to this day I get nervous and scared and frankly, hate YK.

My husband grew up in a chasidish Hungarian home where Yk is a yt. Yes we fast and we pray but It’s not doomsday. His approach is so much more relaxing and calming.

top mom

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:15 am

HonesttoGod wrote:

My Chasidish Hungarian grandmother is actually super serious from erev yk!
No breathing/smiling/talking all day
I used to get really stressed out when visiting those 2 days

MitzadSheini ↓

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:20 am

It's seriously happy

Last edited by MitzadSheini on Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:35 am; edited 1 time in total

↑ Ruchel ↓

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:28 am

I don't relate to making it "happy' but it's obviously not mourning

abound

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 1:36 am

Its not a jolly yom tov but part of working on ourselves is working on Bein Adam Lechaveiro, we greet each other with a smile and a Gmar Chasima TOva, but I would not sit down joking and shmoozing.

zaq ↓

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:48 am

YK is a holiday as well as a holy day and we greet people with Chag Sameach as well as Gmar Tov. It is not a day of mourning, but the people who take the day seriously are in a state of dread, fear and remorse. It’s hard to feel festive when your life is at stake, not to
mention that the fast, and the prolonged standing are physically difficult for many people. The text says “you shall afflict your souls” but it’s our bodies that are being afflicted. I wouldn’t criticize people who are unable to act joyful under the circumstances.

↑ MitzadSheini

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:54 am

It says to inflict nafshoteyhem. That's the basest, most animalistic part of your soul The one that is like the snake, that encourages you to do what is not suitable for you. The higher parts of the soul- ruach, neshama, chayah yechida- are not inflicted in the same way.

↑ Ruchel ↓

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 2:59 am

Oh I didn't even think of the fact some have it realtively easy. It always makes me laugh "no big deal" to fast

salt ↓

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 3:07 am

Someone wished me Chag Sameach - that threw me off - I wouldn't say chag sameach to someone, but I smile and say Gemar Chatima tova.

I give my non-fasting kids a shabbos meal on Y.K - warm up chicken and rice for them, and give them a festive dessert and treats.
But on Tisha Be-av I wouldn't give them treats.

↑ Ruchel

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 3:13 am

I give nosh because I don't cook but not treats etc. Imamother is the place I learned some do.

mommy3b2c ↓

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 3:56 am

salt wrote:

Would you say good Yom tov?

↑ salt

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 4:45 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Would you say good Yom tov?

Yes probably. Never thought of that. I think it's the 'sameach' that's out of place.

↑ mommy3b2c

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 4:55 am

salt wrote:

Yes probably. Never thought of that. I think it's the 'sameach' that's out of place.

Chag sameach and Good Yom tov are really meant as the same thing. They are both fine. It is a Yom tov.

watergirl

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 4:57 am

the rav of my shul spent time in his drash talking about how YK is the happiest day of the year. One can be somber and feel happy at the same time if one is so moved to.

Its funny, growing up not frum, we always were taught YK is the saddest day of the year. I didn't know tisha bav existed... very interesting how some people really think this.

PassionFruit

Thu, Oct 10 2019, 5:10 am

Everyone in my circles say good yom tov. The moms hang out together. Tone is upbeat unless ppl are too sick. I haven't been to shul in a decade but I remember the chassidish shuls being very upbeat and the litvish ones being solemn