Victims of Domestic Abuse re: Schneiderman

WhatFor

Tue, May 08 2018, 4:16 pm

Reading the article in which women came forward about former AG Schneiderman's horrifying abuse and the tactics he used to silence them reminded me of some of the women who have posted on this message board over the years.

The women who came forward were powerful women in their everyday lives. Shame was a big thing that held them back from coming forward. Their abuser knew that and played into that.

If you are being abused, please keep in mind that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is NOT YOUR SHAME. Abusive people know how to tap into all your fears, to keep others in the dark about their own shameful behavior.

In the AG's case, he was able to use his role in government to intimidate women. Some people discouraged the women from coming forward because they thought he was good for Democrats, so it wasn't the time.

Does your DH threaten you that no one will believe you because he has a more powerful position in the community, or the community's ear? That is a common scare tactic. Are you scared to come forward because he also does so much good, everyone loves him, blah blah blah...? There is nothing your DH does that is worth you sacrificing your mental health and your (or your children's) physical safety.

If you're confident that your DH has too much clout within your community, try to get support outside of your community as you plan your next steps. You are not stuck or doomed. You can make it without him. And his abuse is NOT your shame to carry.

ETA: trigger warning for domestic abuse in the article, but I'd still encourage to read it, if possible. You are not the only one.

https://www.newyorker.com/news.....e/amp