Shared Sukkah or go away?

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays

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miracleshappen

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 7:24 pm

We have been married for a few years and usually go away for the first days of sukkos. The reason being, we live in an apartment building and the shared sukkah situation is complicated. It involves taking all our food down a few flights of stairs, along with strollers and young children, and going to the sukkah which the whole building eats in. While I love the communal aspect, it's very hard with young kids who have to go to bed at a normal time, nap, etc. I know I can just send my husband down to eat in the sukkah but we enjoy spending our time together on yom tov so it's not ideal.
We therefore usually go to my in laws who have a house with a sukkah attached so we can put our kids to bed at a normal time and not have to deal with the shleping down to the sukkah. While I don't love going away, the pros usually outweigh the cons.
Until this year...the dreaded 3 day yom tov. My husband would love to go to his parents but I really really do not like going away and 3 nights is really tough for me. Then again, so is dealing with kids in our building sukkah.. Any suggestions?

SplitPea

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 7:51 pm

Can you rent somewhere with a Sukka?

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:08 pm

Based on your description of the shared sukkah arrangements, going away sounds preferable. However, you didn't tell us why you don't like going away, so it's hard to make a fair comparison.

doctorima

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:57 pm

Personally, I would still go away, even more so if it makes DH happy. The difficulty of navigating the shared sukkah for 3 days should not be underestimated. Unless there is something uniquely unpleasant about being at your in-laws (which I assume not, since you normally have no issue going there for 2 days of Yom Tov in other years), that would seem a much more pleasant and relaxing Yom Tov option.

Ruchel

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 7:00 am

My culture isn't fond of schedules esp during chagim, so I guess I don't understand. Kid naps in stroller. If too big for stroller, they don't nap anymore anyway.

essie14

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 7:14 am

Ruchel wrote:

My culture isn't fond of schedules esp during chagim, so I guess I don't understand. Kid naps in stroller. If too big for stroller, they don't nap anymore anyway.

My baby will not sleep in her stroller. I'm glad that works for you but it doesn't work for everyone.

OutATowner

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 7:23 am

You mention 3 nights, so I am assuming the nights are a problem, not necessarily keeping them busy during the day. If that is the case, I personally wouls prefer to stay home and leave mid meal if I have to. My kids do not do well the next day when they are tired and cranky. Will that be the case in both scenarios? Hard to determine without knowing why going away is hard.

pesek zman

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 8:16 am

I have a similar situation: living in an apartment building. Going away is far easier: first days of sukkos is the only yom tov we are not home for for this reason.

Shoshana37

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 8:25 am

omg I remember those days with little kids and living in the building or going to my in laws. It was always a struggle. There was several years where we just stayed home and didn't go anywhere, my husband would wash and make bracha in the sukah and come right back to the apartment for seuda.
Do you have friends who live in private house and wouldn't mind having your whole family over?

zaq

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 4:09 pm

This is a decision only you can make. Nobody here knows which will be more painful for you: living with your in-laws for three days, or schlepping all your stuff up and down stairs for every meal. Of course, you could compromise and eat in the sukkah some meals and let your husband eat alone in the sukkah some meals, which is an option you did not mention.

If you have a feeling that three days at your in-laws will result in fights, discontent, hurt feelings, and a general lack of oneg by the last day, then clearly you should stay home and preserve family harmony. On the other hand, if you just don't like being away from home for so long, and if your in-laws really enjoy having you there, then why not go and enjoy the convenience?

bsy

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 4:29 pm

essie14 wrote:

My baby will not sleep in her stroller. I'm glad that works for you but it doesn't work for everyone.

This exactly. The only place my baby sleeps is in the crib. If we're out all day, that means no naps. Not in the carseat and not in the stroller. It does limit our freedom but I agree that naps on a relatively consistent routine is important.

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