I run away - sensory overload

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 2:00 pm

I can't take it from my 8 year old. He is so loud! I end up running away to my room, which is not ok because I need to parent. But I literally physically can't handle it. I feel like a million spiders are clawing up my chest while a heavy sack is being forced over my head and I can't. I just can't.

I tried for years to be proactive, to enforce indoor voices and consequences for fighting, to teach healthy communication. But at this point I feel like my patience is completely oversaturated, not that it was too great to begin with, but I feel like I don't have a single grain left. I'm such a failure. I was so committed to being a different type of mother and giving my kids the emotional safety I craved growing up, hah, what a joke.

True, life is hard, but I still have to parent my kids. I brought them here, I can't just give them back because I can't handle the chaos and noise.

I'm a sensitive introvert who is completely overwhelmed with life even though I pared down my responsibilities to the bare minimum by this point. I have no patience, no energy, and his screeches, shouts and cackles are like nails scraping the inside of my brain.

Aaaaagh!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 2:05 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

Did you evaluate him?

He's normal, it's just behavioral. If your mother doesn't parent you you'll end up acting up.
I have a few kids in therapy already plus my own therapy and that's already more than I can deal with in my week. Sometimes I feel like cancelling every single appointment and sleeping for the extra time will help me more.

amother

Vanilla

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 2:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ouch, as a fellow introvert I can commiserate somewhat. OT for my sensory stuff helped tons so that I'm now able to handle the kids a lot better.
Did you ever consider misophonia?

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 2:17 pm

amother Vanilla wrote:

Ouch, as a fellow introvert I can commiserate somewhat. OT for my sensory stuff helped tons so that I'm now able to handle the kids a lot better.
Did you ever consider misophonia?

Thanks. What does OT for an adult look like? I've only ever brought my kids. Where would you go for something like that?
What do you mean by consider misophonia? That I might have it? I'm sure I do have it along with all the other things I have, but how does that help? I don't think it's a treatable condition.
Sorry if I'm sounding grumpy, it's because I am 😆

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 2:21 pm

I feel the same way. Here are some thing that helped me:
Noise canceling headphones. When it gets too much I put them on and listen to soft music. I can see them and if there’s an emergency I go to them but otherwise I am busy during that time cookie or cleaning or something.

Taking ten minutes breaks- set a timer and tell your kids when it beeps you are coming out. During those ten min DO NOT GO ON YOUR PHONE. Instead, do grounding activities like washing your face and hands, using a handheld back massager, taking a quick shower, deep breathing, closing your eyes in a dark room, lie under a weighted blanket.

Make sure you sleep enough and eat enough before kids come home.

Share your feelings with the kids “I am feeling overwhelmed,” “I need space right now,” “this noise is making me feel dizzy.” The calmer and more confident you sound (no guilting or anger) the more likely they are to care.

zaq

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 2:31 pm

You're NOT a failure; please change your vocabulary. Kids can be painfully loud and I don't understand how they, with their acute hearing, can stand it.

You have a child who is not matched to your nervous system. This is unfortunate but in no way a failure on your part any more than it would be a failure on your part to be unable to tolerate your child's sticking pins in your flesh.

I'm sorry I have no advice other than investing in comfortable earplugs and wearing them whenever your child is around. You'll still be able to hear him but the sound will be attenuated. And hope that, when he gets a bit older and has more self-control, he learns to attenuate his voice on his own. (Has his hearing been tested? Could he possibly be loud because he doesn't hear well? Probably not, but something to look into.)

amother

Firethorn

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 2:43 pm

Buy a pair of loop earplugs. The idea is to take the sound level down, to dampen it. It's not perfect, and only addresses one part of the problem, but getting a little help there might be useful. My sensory kids find this very helpful. One was even able to go with his friends to an arcade recently while wearing them- and absolutely could not without. He also used some centering body movements he learned from his OT.

Re adult OT, do you live in the TriState area? There's an amazing OT who works with teens and adults who has offices in northern NJ and Monsey.