BOUNCED CHECK | Imamother

proudmom

Mon, Aug 06 2007, 12:48 pm

"BOUNCED CHECK"

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year

old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it

published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I

endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between

presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed

to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire

pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only

eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,

and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the

inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from ! the manner in which this incident has

caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and

letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the

impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your

bank has become.

From now on I choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer

be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed

personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you

must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other

person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application

Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much

about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be

countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her

financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be

accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a

PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have

modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my

account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is

the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING,

PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH!

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the ca! ll to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home .

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my

computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later

date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be

put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, music noise

will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an

establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year??

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)

'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE" US SENIORS" !!!'