are my toddlers normal?help!

amother

Thu, Oct 04 2012, 1:33 pm

I posted this in toddlers but ill post here too...

I am a first time mom of twins who are now 16 months old (not walking or talking but are cruising and babbling so I dont have concerns about that). on shabbos and the chagim, the play well for about an hour tops and then well- THEY FLIP OUT!!! what I mean by that is that they start crying at the slightest things like if I leave the room or put them down..they become bored of their toys and start getting very destructive, opening cabinets that they shouldnt (we are working on getting locks that actually work!!) and just generally being miserable. the only way thewy calm down is by going out which we cant do because theres no eiruv and even if there is it may be raining too cold etc....I want them to be more independent in their play and to be able to entertain themselves for longer than 30-40 minutes at a time...is that too much to ask of this age group? do everyone else's toddlers need an outing so they dont freak out? my dh and I are at our witsend with all the crying that goes on..we just dont get it- we have a l/r full of toys! ill even play with them which is another issue because when I sit on the floor with them they get upset because they want my lap all to themselves and get upset when one twin tries to climb on also...which results in a lot of crying and pushing....they are eating, drinking and sleeping well so this is not from lacking in those areas I can assure you- 12 hour night sleeps and 2 hour daytime naps are constant like clockwork with them.

DO TODDLERS NEED TO BE ENTERTAINED ALL THE TIME?

IF SO, HOW DO I PROMOTE INDEPENDENCE IN PLAY?

thanks!

SivanMom

Thu, Oct 04 2012, 1:47 pm

They sound perfectly normal to me! 30-40 at that age is actually great. My almost two year olds don't go much longer than that. And not going out can make even adults cranky. Independent play is great, and you should encourage it, but at that age, it won't be all the time. Maybe try interspersing a joint activity in between independent play. As for the cabinets - no such thing as 16 month olds having cabinets they shouldn't get into. If it isn't locked, they COULD and WILL get into it. Work on getting those locks if it bothers you. I always had cabinets with locks, and cabinets with bowls and pots that they could play with at any time. I think all four of my kids loved those more than any toys. (A great thing to get more time out of that, btw, is to add a smaller toy, like pegs or duplos, and a wooden spoon - they can pour those from pot to pot and mix for ages!).

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Oct 04 2012, 1:57 pm

I have never met anyone of any age who could entertain himself or herself for more than 30 or 40 minutes at a time.

They are fine. You are fine. Please do not "encourage" anything. Let the kids develop naturally.

You are in a new phase of your life - you are the mother of people, not infants. You will figure it out, and be fine.

In the kitchen

Thu, Oct 04 2012, 3:07 pm

The attention span for their age group is only 7-12 minutes.

Try rotating their toys, let them have duplo for 20 minutes, then tell them a story for 10 minutes, then let them have mentchies, then puzzles, then let them look at various board books etc. If you have a balcony let them also have a half an hour out there with a ride on toy or see-saw type thing etc. Nap time, eating etc...

It is hard work being a mother of small children because you do have to be so involved in entertaining and teaching them.

Coming from a nursery teacher and mother of two small children Smile

I hear from mothers with older children in the house that it gets easier as they get a few years older, a couple of women have told me that having 6 children is easier than it was when they had two small toddlers. I will have to take their word for that for now... Smile

seeker

Thu, Oct 04 2012, 3:21 pm

Yep, you're expecting too much. My toddler has a huge attention span for her age but she also needs adult intervention after that amount of time. I guess to some extent you're probably lucky that they have each other to keep themselves busy and don't need to really come up with entertainment from scratch.

The only thing I can suggest is try to keep an eye out to intervene before they start getting nutty and steer them towards a directed activity then, before it becomes a crisis. Then maybe they'll be re-programmed and able to go back to playing again. For example, reading books to them, singing songs together with motions that go with them for some physical engagement, sometimes they do need that fresh air to stay sane but if the weather's really yucky you can try to replicate some kind of letting-off-steam activity indoors, even if it's just dancing around in a circle or chasing up and down the hall... snacktime as needed...

Also a suggestion regarding your living room full of toys: keep most of the toys closed up in a cabinet at any given time. When they get tired/bored of playing with the 5 things that are out, you then have the advantageous option of pulling a surprise "new" toy out of the cabinet that they haven't played with in a week, that can get them interested all over again. Use this strategy to rotate books, puzzles, building toys.

Don't have any twin specific strategies, good luck to you!

B"H YOM YOM

Thu, Oct 04 2012, 8:42 pm

Wow! Are you lucky: 30 minute independent play/12 hour nights/2 hour daytime naps and all else seems normal... All I can say is Chasdei H-shem. They sound like dream twins! At this age more than toys (which they do like to explore)-yup, they want YOU. So enjoy the nachas, chaos and exhaustion. More to come!

mummiedearest

Thu, Oct 25 2012, 9:19 pm

op, can your kids walk while pushing a toy? when my kids start doing that, we let them push a toy in the driveway/to a neighbor on shabbos for a change of scene. as long as the kid can handle the steps so we don't have to carry them in or out, it works out fine. obviously you'd need two adults for this, but for most people that isn't a problem on shabbos.