Help me with this child!!!!

amother ↓

Thu, Nov 24 2011, 7:13 am

I want to preface this with, I am a qualified pre school teacher and have been working a few years now.

I have had kids that hit before, normally its a phase and depending on the childs level of understanding there are different ways of dealing with it.

Im at a loss with this one. The child is 2 (bright but unruley), parents just been through a divorce.
This child is consistantly hitting and pushing etc The child is not an angry child. I have done all the normal- showing the child and helping the child interact with the other children. I have tried showing the child using dollys what is nice and what is not nice. I have suggested one on one play dates. I am watching ALL the time but cant always catch everything. If I catch the child just before they hit or push then they dont. It is often unprovoked.

Any new ideas?

5*Mom ↓

Thu, Nov 24 2011, 7:33 am

You sound very knowledgeable, professional and calm. From the information you provided I think it's reasonable to assume that the divorce is taking a toll. The child is old enough to be aware that his/her whole world and center of gravity has changed but waaaaay too small to understand any of it or even his own feelings to any degree at all. I'd guess he must be feeling a tremendous sense of insecurity at the very least; if there was or is fighting/animosity this would obviously exacerbate things considerably.

I think this represents a situation that is much bigger than his social environment or even his skill level. Obviously, though, your involvement is limited to only that environment and you need to find a humane yet practical solution. I think for right now this child needs a shadow, hired by the parents, who can provide the extra supervision needed to preempt the hitting while also providing positive individual attention and love at a time when he probably needs it most. I would also recommend that the parents seek professional advice for helping their child adjust to the new reality for the long term.

Good luck!

buzz

Thu, Nov 24 2011, 7:38 am

I don't know much, coz I don't teach pre school, but Grade 6.

What I would do with a 2 yr old who hits, is take him aside when he comes in, spend a couple of minutes of one on one time with him, and give him that love and security. He is acting out because of the situation, poor kid. Then as soon as he hits, get another teacher to look after the other kid, take him to an isolated spot so he isn't distracted and talk to himk gently, Explain, ask (I suppose depends on level of communication) what we use our hands for, diff mitzvos, to help us eat, play etc, and then warn him that next time he uses his hands in a wrong way, and give examples such as hitting (bec kids need very explicit ideas what is wrong, they can become easily confused) he will have to have time out until he learns it is unacceptable.
Keep up that every time, and hopefully with him knowing he is loved and feels secure in pre school, he will slowly settle.

Good Luck!

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Nov 24 2011, 7:54 am

5* -Thanks for you input. Love the suggestions but hard to put into practise. The preschool is subsidised and a shadow would mean double the cost to the parent. There is not funding available for this.

I have suggested things to the parent that they can do, and while they appreciate my input, they are very sensitive at the moment and Im worried that suggesting the child see a proffessional is over stepping my role. The parent has a support structure that helps them that includes the child.

Is there anything else I can do when the child is in my care? For the other children, or the child?

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Nov 24 2011, 8:04 am

buzz wrote:

Thanks buzz. I think the child is a little young for time out (attention span wise) but I tried taking the child aside after and talking to them, for a while. Didnt make a difference. I think giving them attention right at the beginning is a good idea. I have done that with slightly older kids...and given them a job or responsibility, I just wonder if its too young. Will try that one!

↑ 5*Mom

Thu, Nov 24 2011, 9:50 am

amother wrote:

Sounds like a really challenging situation. I am happy for this child, though, because from all of your posts it sounds like you are warm and caring, have a really good understanding of child development, realistic expectations and you know which methods are not developmentally appropriate, not likely to be effective and can cause more harm than good. You sound like a great preschool teacher.

It also sounds like you realize that your goal here is not to "teach him discipline" b/c he just can't access those cognitive skills under these circumstances at his age, but to manage things so no one gets hurt and he doesn't become the "bad boy" and social outcast until his inner world settles down. The only thing I can think of is closer focused supervision and loving attention. Maybe you can find a volunteer, or an Education/special ed/psych/ social work student who'd be interested in an internship to shadow him for a few months.

finprof

Thu, Nov 24 2011, 10:49 am

I second the volunteer idea. I would suggest that you call a local college and offer an unpaid internship which this child in mind. Students are still signing up for spring classes so you can probably get someone. Advanced undergrad and master candidate early childhood, psych & social work students at many university are required to do internships every semester. Usually the only requirement for your sight to be approved as in internship host is a staff member with an advanced degree to supervise. This way you get a shadow in exchange for a phone call, a sight visit and a couple hrs of paperwork!

opinionatedbubby

Tue, Nov 29 2011, 1:32 am

Beware of over analyzing. Some 2 yr olds just hit, w/o broken homes, new siblings or other stuff. Underlying reasons mean that extra attention and strokes are needed, but bad behavior needs to be treated as such, no matter what the cause. At least that's what I think.

Time out can be age appropriate for very young children; just guide them away from the scuffle to a quieter place, and tell them to come back when they aren't going to hit, or whatever. Probably they'll come back immediately, which is fine, it gives you a chance to say "Good, now you are ready to play nicely," etc.

Some things that work for me :

Put your arm around the offender, and announce "No one is allowed to hurt Moishy!" Then turn to Moishy and say "Right, no is allowed to hurt Yossie (the victim)also? ". Try to get Moishy to agree.

Or, gently and firmly say "You are so nice and kind, you don't want to hit because you are kind , (maybe: like Yaakov Avinu) and not mean. ( Altho, just today one of the sweetest boys said to me, confidingly, Some times I am like Esav, and sometimes I am like Yaakov. So true, aren't we all? )

Another speech that sometimes makes an impression: " Every one needs to be happy in our class. Look at Deenie, her face is red and she is crying. Can you say you are sorry so she will feel better and be happy?"

I think that empathy is 80% of the preschool curriculum; it's what they're there to learn.

Hatzlacha!