What have you done that has helped your ADHD child?

amother

Linen ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 11:14 am

amother Camellia wrote:

If course. But many people use medication without behavior modification and in my opinion, if you're already using medication you definitely need to implement behavior modification.

Who teaches you behavior modification?

amother

Tulip

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 12:21 pm

I have ADHD and so does my daughter.

All the diet limitations and viatmins etc did not help me. In fact, I did much better while on a full normal diet of food than when my diet was altered, though it was guided by a doctor. Don't run to cut out entire foods or food groups, children can really suffer from that too, both physically and emotionally.

Ritalin was amazing for me, I feel ridiculous for putting it off for myself as a child.

Cog-fun therapy really helped my daughter when she was 6-7. An ADHD coach is also a must.

I also want to say, most important is skills AND pills. Pills alone may work well, but you still need to learn the skills to manage in life with or without medication. Skills themselves are also often not enough, as sometimes the child can't sustain tasks or attention long enough to acquire them. Both are really needed in many cases.

busymamma

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 1:42 pm

as someone with adhd on meds for a few years, I strongly recommend meds. it makes all other interventions DOABLE! I take adderall xr every morning to be able to control my impulses and would def give my kids if as soon as I notice adhd dominating their actions

Last edited by busymamma on Tue, Nov 26 2024, 2:37 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

↑ Linen ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 2:30 pm

What about a four year old? Isn’t that too early to medicate?
Also everyone talks about coaches. Can someone recommend one for kids in BP/Flatbush.

AlwaysGrateful ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:06 pm

amother Linen wrote:

What about a four year old? Isn’t that too early to medicate?
Also everyone talks about coaches. Can someone recommend one for kids in BP/Flatbush.

Most doctors will only medicate at that age if the symptoms are truly severe (e.g, dangerous).

I think the most important thing, at that age, is reading up on ADHD yourself. Listen to videos by Russel Barkley, for one, who is an expert on ADHD. Try to understand what your child is struggling with, and try to avoid those struggles as much as possible.

↑ smarty skirt ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 6:15 pm

What is cog fun therapy exactly and who does that in Brooklyn who takes insurance?

amother

DarkYellow

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 6:17 pm

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

How is that helpful in school though? No one is keeping that safe bubble of avoiding struggles. You need a better solution unless your kid is with you 24/7.

↑ AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 8:18 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

How is that helpful in school though? No one is keeping that safe bubble of avoiding struggles. You need a better solution unless your kid is with you 24/7.

That's a fair question. I think it still helps in two ways:

First of all, I found that my kids' teachers were willing to hear me out if I had solutions that had worked at home, and they would try to implement something similar in the classroom.

Secondly, I tried to help my child become a problem solver (yes, even at age 4). I'd work with him to identify things that were going wrong and what he was struggling with. Then we'd make a plan that we thought might help, sometimes with the teacher's involvement and sometimes not.

Here's an example. Let's say my child's main trouble was during transitions (common with kids who have ADHD), when there was no real structure. So he would exhibit impulsive behavior often, but the most common times were...walking from the classroom to recess, walking from recess back to the classroom, getting settled in at the beginning of the day, going out of the classroom at the end of the day when it was time to go home. If we found an activity that relaxed and focused him (e.g., using a specific fidget, looking at a glitter jar), we might suggest that he keep that in his desk and use it right when he gets to school in the morning. We would run that by his teacher, who would probably be fine with it if it helped, especially at this age. On the way to and from recess, we might try giving him something to focus on on the way out, like humming a song while marching to the beat and seeing how many times he could make it through the song before they got out, or back in. If one time of the day really stumped us, we might make an incentive chart just for that time of the day, making sure to design it in a way that provides motivation for a brain with ADHD.

There are a lot of options that really help these kids, both before and after starting them on meds. The key is getting both the teacher and the child to view you as on their team...which means you really need to understand your child's needs, what makes them tick, and advocate for them with the teachers in a respectful way so that their teachers see that you're really trying to make their lives easier by giving them ideas that you know work for your child.

Sorry for the megillah. Hope it helps someone!

amother

↑ Linen ↓

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 12:31 am

Thank you that was very helpful.
I ordered it last night and just started to read the Explosive Child and hope to get started with paying attention to this child’s behavior patterns.

↑ smarty skirt

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 10:57 am

You are fortunate to have a teacher or school that would team with the parent. As the child gets older in elementary you may find ones that cannot. Then you have an additional problem, what would you do with that difficult situation, anyone care to comment?

amother

Lemonlime

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 11:08 am

Following

amother

Grape

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 11:42 am

We did OT and regular therapy before medication. It helped, but he still couldn't sit still, focus in school or control his impulses. It was non stop energizer bunny 24/7. When we finally got him on the right medication with all of these therapies AND he was in the right environment we saw a massive difference. Two years ago he could barely do anything and now he is a well adjusted second grader, doing well in school, has friends and is happy. Find a good psychiatrist who really knows their stuff and is flexible.

amother

↑ Anemone ↓

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 1:53 pm

smarty skirt wrote:

So I've had two ADHDers go through the system (one is almost out of high school, the other is in middle school), as well as other non-ADHD kids who have had other needs. (After all, don't all kids have something they need at some point?)

While I am so grateful for the schools that my kids are in, I've found the best way to maximize the teachers' ability to work with you is to truly see their side of it, recognize how hard it is for them, try to do things to make things as easy for them as possible. When they see that you are trying to help THEM, as well as your kid, and you understand why some of your solutions won't work in the classroom, they are much more likely to feel like you're not trying to dump even more work on their already very full shoulders. Just imagine trying to a teach a class full of kids, half with the same needs as your child, and half with the OPPOSITE needs (maybe a gifted kid who is always bored, a kid who is sensitive to noise and movement, a kid who gets anxious without structure, a kid who tries so hard but can't understand the material, a kid who has awful stuff going on at home, etc.), and you'll find it easy to see why they can't turn their schedule/classroom upside down for one child.

That means that if I ask a teacher to fill out a chart for me at the end of every day to motivate my child, and they sound hesitant, I say something like, "I realize that might seem like a whole extra chore on top of everything else. Is there a way we can make it easier? Like maybe I can text you once a day, after class, and you could just text back one word -- good, okay, or not great -- to let me know how it went? Or I could have my son rate himself after every class and just bring it up for you to initial that you agree with his rating? I'm completely open to any other ideas that can motivate him without adding too much to everything that you're already doing."

With this approach, I have encountered two teachers (out of a couple dozen) who I have been unable to work with. One of them was an awful teacher in general, the other one was a very good teacher for a typical kid (my other kids had her), but did not understand ADHD at all. With the good teacher...I still tried to show her that I was on her side, even when it felt like she was against my child. I used that year (BH it was in middle school) to teach my child about what to do when someone really doesn't understand you, doesn't let you advocate for yourself, but you're stuck with them. I tried not to speak judgementally about her, while still letting him know that I understood that it was going to be tough for him, and I expected him to do XYZ, which was in his control, and if she got upset with him for ABC, he should respond calmly and respectfully so that it would be obvious to everyone else (me, the principals) that it was on the teacher, not on him.

With the awful teacher, in upper elementary...I tried and tried to work with her, then tried and tried to get the principals to work with her (they realized how awful she was but didn't have anyone else for that grade/subject and threw up their hands). So I finally gave up a few months before the end of the school year when I realized that she could really impact my child if I left him there. She taught him for a couple of hours after lunch. I took off of work every afternoon to pick him up and bring him home (half an hour round trip), homeschool him in that subject, and then bring him back again for the end of the school day. It was ridiculous. What's more ridiculous is that she's still teaching there, years later. One of my other kids had her -- he is a real well-behaved, smart, easygoing kid who loves school, and he was absolutely miserable in her class.

So yeah, there are exceptions to the rule. But I think teachers are so used to parents trying to force them to do things that they just can't do, always taking their kid's side, having no idea what it takes to teach a class full of kids, that they come to the table with a chip on their shoulders. I really think that if we, as parents, approach them the right way, they're usually very willing to work with us to help our kids -- especially because if our kids are happy, they're better behaved, which makes the teacher's life easier anyway...

amother

Bluebonnet

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 3:20 pm

Wow anemone-
That is amazing what you did for your child that year! Kol HaKavod!

amother

↑ Anemone

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 4:38 pm

amother Bluebonnet wrote:

Wow anemone-
That is amazing what you did for your child that year! Kol HaKavod!

I just did what any other mother would want to. I am so grateful that I had the flexibility to do that without losing my job (just taking a pay cut). I know that for many moms, that wouldn't have been an option. I have no idea what I would have done then...I was really scared she was going to break him if I left him in that class, in a way that would not be easy to fix...

amother

Junglegreen ↓

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 7:11 pm

How do you all find medications that work for your child?
I tried Concerta, Adderall, and the latest was Strattera. He couldn't tolerate the side effects.
(Headaches from the stimulants that didn't resolve with time, and extreme dry mouth/thirst from the Strattera)

amother

NeonGreen

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 8:27 pm

amother Junglegreen wrote:

Did a child psychiatrist prescribe those medications? Well meaning pediatricians and even good neurologists don’t have the same skill set, especially for complicated cases. If you did go to a child psychiatrist, ask around and try to find out who is top in your area.

OP, as someone who has worked with children with ADHD for 30 years, I can’t say it strongly enough. Medication. Now. Before her self esteem and plummets and she loses friends. Therapy, skills, and other interventions if needed after medication is in place. I can’t tell you how many parents regret not trying it sooner.

To all those on the thread asking what medications to try, I have 4 words: highly skilled child psychiatrist. Yes, even if they don’t take insurance.

amother

↑ Junglegreen

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 8:31 pm

amother NeonGreen wrote:

I used a psych NP.

Anyone have good reccs? I'm in the Monsey area.

amother

↑ Linen

Thu, Nov 28 2024, 9:15 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

Boro park here