is it really impossible to go home with twins?

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Sep 27 2011, 10:36 am

Thirty-plus y/o post-IF Mom of c-section twins here. Twice. You heard right.
Of course I went home with the twins. After however many days it was in hospital I wanted nothing more than to be back in my own home. The local chessed group generously supplied suppers for a week or two. Leave my family and spend two weeks in virtual isolation among a bunch of people I don't know? Deprive my dh of my company and the sight of his dc for 2 weeks, unless he's willing to spend hours traveling to and from the kimpatorin home every day? You've got to be kidding. I'd be miserable, no matter how good the care and how tender the pampering.

I had a dh who worked. I may have been better off than your sil b/c I had family nearby whom I could call to babysit if I needed to run to the grocery or the dentist, but I tried not to exploit their goodwill too much. My parents were not so young so I couldn't ask them to do much but that little bit really made a difference. Without them I'd have to take the babies along even if all I needed was to buy a loaf of bread, and that could turn a 20-minute or less errand into a 45-minute project in winter what with all the bundling up.

Amother on another thread mentioned how she laughs now at how rigid she was with ther first and how she sweated every little inconsequential thing. As a Mom of Twins you don't look back and laugh because what other mothers learn when they have #2, you learn right off the bat. Among them: Don't sweat the small stuff; strip everything down to essentials; "good enough" is good enough; leave the "competitive parenting" to others; dhs don't "babysit", they do their share of parenting; this, too, shall pass.

Of course it's hard. "Hard" is not "Impossible".

Mama Bear

Tue, Sep 27 2011, 2:18 pm

Of course she can go home to her house - if she has help with the babies. a C section is major surgery. it's impossible to recover if she'll be busy herself with 2 babies round the clock. She needs to get sleep, she needs to get rest. She cant keep lifting the babies 24 hrs a day without help. If she has help for most of the day or night then sure, she can go home to her own house.

one of my very good friends was like that - totally stubborn that she can manage herself - twins after 10 yrs - and when they were six weeks old she had such a major emotional crash she had serious PPD for a year. She'd send her twins to a babysitter from 9 am to 2 pm so she could sleep. It was terrible.

she has to take care of herself.

YaelB

Tue, Sep 27 2011, 4:34 pm

My mother (who is like superwoman) went home a few days after giving birth to twins--she didn't have a C-section, but she did have other birthing problems. If her husband helps, the kehilla bring her meals, and she is monitored by her doctor--she should be OK. The biggest thing you can do, also, is stop by and watch the babies so that she can shower and sleep. (Your mother could, potentially, help with this, as they are newborns.)
I never heard of going to one's mother's house for a month after birth.

momofmultiples

Tue, Sep 27 2011, 5:30 pm

I went home with my twins after a five day stay in the hospital. With DH's help it was all fine. I did not have the option of moving in with either parents and B"H we pulled through just find. I had a tough C-Section, but as long as my DH was around to help get me the babies for feed (which he did even through the night) it was not impossible and we enjoyed the bonding time with the babies.

In the beginning I had help for 3 hours a day which allowed me to sleep also was a great help.

Teomima ↓

Tue, Sep 27 2011, 9:51 pm

Of course she can go home, what a silly question (no offense). A person with twins learns to manage just like a person with a singleton learns to manage, c-section or not. She forgets about all housework, cooking, cleaning, whatever, and just takes care of the kids and herself all day till she can manage more. Newborns are easy, relatively speaking, since you just need to feed and change them.

If anything I'd say she's lucky, getting to bring both kids home together. Often with twins you end up running back and forth to the hospital every day trying to take care of one at home and one who had to stay behind.

And yes, I say all this as a mother of twins who has a c-section and went strait home five days after the birth with no live-in help other that DH who was working and in university at the time.

↑ life'sgreat ↓

Wed, Sep 28 2011, 11:39 am

Teomima wrote:

That is not often the case, and with twins especially.

↑ amother

Wed, Sep 28 2011, 12:06 pm

Teomima wrote:

Newborns are easy, relatively speaking, since you just need to feed and change them.

Just curious, Teomima (GREAT sn, btw, took me a moment to "get" it)--how old are your twinsicles? B/c that's not the way I remember it at all. Not at all, and my memory, while faulty, is helped by the journal I attempted to keep during those earliest weeks. "Just" need to feed and change? At an average of 7-8 diapers per child per day, that's 14-16 diaper changes alone. No "just" about it.

↑ Teomima ↓

Sat, Oct 01 2011, 10:05 am

Don't get me wrong, I never said newborn twins are easy. I know perfectly well just how difficult it is changing all those diapers, feeding constantly on no sleep...trust me, I could never forget how hard those first few months were. I said relatively because right now I have two toddlers still in diapers. They are an absolute joy and can do many things on their own, but they still need to be bathed, changed, dressed, cooked for, entertained, and sometimes they will fight with each other, run away from me in the store (and in opposite directions from each other), peel open an entire box of band aids, pour honey on their clothes, draw on the walls, literally climb the walls (don't ask me how they do it), and oh, yeah, did I mention fight with each other?

Sure, while they were newborns it felt like the hardest thing in the world (and the sleep deprivation doesn't help, though natural hormones help a lot with that...boy did I miss those when they wore out of my system!!), and I am sure the difficulties now don't compare to what I'll have when they're moody teenagers who won't even talk to me. And of course part of it is easier now because they can also smile, give hugs and kisses, sing me songs and tell me how much they love me. I just said, keeping things in perspective, newborns are relatively easy.

↑ life'sgreat ↓

Sat, Oct 01 2011, 9:05 pm

Teomima wrote:

I don't think the two are comparable. The difficulties of newborn twins are not the same as toddler twins, nor as teenage twins. One's more emotional while the other is more physical. And the physical when they are newborns and you're recovering is not the same as the physical when they are even just 2 months old and you have a bit more strength.

kitov

Sun, Oct 02 2011, 3:35 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

OP, it's possible to go home without help. I did. I went to a 'bet hachlama' for a few short days because everyone said I should :rolleyes:, and then came home. It was tough, tough, tough. Two screaming babies while you're trying to set up your nursing pillow, then trying to burp a very fussy gassy baby while the sister is still eating etc... is tough without a C. It's doable, but it's really tough.

I'm feeling the repercussions now, at 8 weeks. I'm still way more tired and weaker than I should be.

Just curious. In retrospect, was it a good decision to chicken out of a kimpeturin heim so soon or given a second chance, would you stay longer to allow more recuperating time?

Asking, since this has been a hot topic in our family, with some stubborn folks claiming that "postpartum" is a myth, and resting up is a "waste of money".

freidasima

Sun, Oct 02 2011, 3:51 pm

I have many friends with twins and some with triplets. None went to a beit hachlama. Some had C sections, some didn't. Some had help from family at home, others didn't. Some nursed, others didn't. Some survied it better by deciding to give a bottle at night so that someone else could do it and they could get some sleep for five or six hours straight. Said that it made all the difference. After a while they had enough milk to pump for the night so that the babies were getting mother's milk then as well, but from a bottle and mother got to sleep.

Depends so much on the individual. If she can afford to hire some help to do other things - house, shopping, cooking, and even watch the babies a drop so that she can shower and sleep a bit, it makes a world of a difference. Money works wonders.

↑ Teomima

Sun, Oct 02 2011, 3:51 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

To each their own. All I can do is share my experiences. This is just how it was for me.

↑ life'sgreat

Sun, Oct 02 2011, 11:08 pm

kitov wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

Had I had a private room it might have been better to stay longer. But there's also merit to being home and settling in already. I think I should have gotten a nurse a bit earlier than I did. Before I was depleted.

mummy-bh

Sun, Oct 02 2011, 11:17 pm

my twins were born right before pesach, normal deliveries. we camw home from the hospital the day of bedikas chometz.

I had a night nurse practically every night for 12 weeks, until the girls were sleeping an 8-9 hour overnight stretch. The nurse was essential to me - having her meant that whatever the day threw at me, I knew that come 10pm I was "off-duty".

After pesach I was offered 2 weeks at the mother-and-baby home in Wales, which I refused because I had already got myself into a routine of sorts and I didn't think it would be the best thing for the other kids in the family.