my 8 year old faked being sick!

amother ↓

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 2:21 am

Yesterday my 8 yr old daughter faked being sick. Her school called at 10 to say she was not feeling well. I missed the phone, so they left a message. When I called back they had sent her back to class. I asked what was wrong, but they said she wouldn't tell them. (She had been fine 2 hours earlier) I was a little suspicious at this point b/c she will tell you when something hurts or she doesn't feel well. I told them that I wanted to talk to her before I sent my dh to get her. About 45 min later a teacher called to say she was bringing her home. She had vomitted in the bathroom. I was surprised and figured I was just wrong about my suspicions. The second she got out of the car, I knew she had made it up. (My daughter can make herself throw up) She did not look like she was sick, but very sheepish as though she was going to be found out. I sent her to her room and told her to rest since she was not feeling well. I told her that I thought she was faking and that she'd be in less trouble if she told the truth.
My dh came home an hour later. I'm not sure what his conversation was with her (I was in the shower), but he took her back to school. When they got there as my dh was signing her in she pretended to have dry heaves. They ended up back home again.
In the afternoon, she was not allowed to swim with her siblings and did not get dessert. She admitted right before going to bed that she had made the whole thing up.
My question is, what is an appropriate punishment? I want to make sure she realizes how serious this was!

Mishie

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 3:43 am

I would try to find out the following:

1) Was she in a fight with a kid in her class?

2) Is she being picked-on by kids in her class?

3) Is a teacher of hers picking on her?

4) Did she forget to do her homework/assignment, and was afraid she would get in trouble?

My almost 8 yr. DS, has been calling me every couple of days, from school, at about 1:00, telling me that he's not feeling well.
I just agree that he can come home early, and tell him to go on the next school-bus that leaves the school. (They leave every hour from the school), and the secretary gives him a note that he can leave the school grounds.

DH and I both had long talks with DS to find out what's going on, and it seems to be that some kids are bullying him.
Also, he's a very Serious and Bright kid (ka"h) and he is very disturbed when the kids in his class scream and make a lot of noise during the Shiur.
It's also VERY HOT in their class-room, because the AC is not working.
So, that was another "reason" that he gave... Sunny

(Personally, I don't blame him -
Who would want to be in a hot, noisy class-room, when you can be home in your nice, cool and relaxing house with Mommy???)
What

MMEC123

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 6:18 am

goldrose wrote:

my humble opinion is that if a child has an issue bothering her enough to make her fake being sick, or simply needs attention enough to fake being sick (which is pretty desperate), you'd better give them the attention.

I second that. I think the fact that she had to stay in bed and couldn't go swimming, etc. was a punishment (though I prefer the word "consequence"). Also, try to find out what made her do that. She wasn't doing it for fun, most likely something is upsetting her at school.

Inspired ↓

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 11:22 am

amother wrote:

Punishment?? Obviously something is bothering her. Punishing her instead of talking to her about it is what you should do if you want to alienate her further, not what to do if you want to figure out the problem.

happymom

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 12:40 pm

aother something must be bothering her. I dont think she needs to be punished! she needs to be told though that if something is bothering her she can be open with u and tell u and u will try and help her, but she doesnt have to make up excuses because thats not being honest. give her a hug and kiss and tell her u love her. I dont think a child would lie that they are sick and make themselves throw up if everything was going well in school and at home.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 2:13 pm

original amother...to all those who suggest something is wrong at school or home..there is not. At school, they were doing an art project. And at home everything is fine also.Also we do feel punishing her is fitting...we don't want her to think she can get away with this in the future..it's not good to let a child think they can away with not telling the truth. A child should be punished for lying!

Tefila ↓

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 2:28 pm

Quote:

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I agree I have teenagers and youngsters and when or if they do feel they cannot go to school that day for whatever reason we feel it's imp to get to the bottom of it and sometimes let them have their day off... don't we all need it sometimes anyways What

. So yes they have to know it's wrong to lie ......

I personally think you should be looking into the cause and not trying to treat the symptom by punishing her. Please check it out. And don't be so sure that nothing is wrong and everything is ok.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 2:32 pm

maybe there was something bothering her about the art project, do you know for a fact that NOTHING was bothering her? Sometimes it can be the tinyest thing like that a girl sitting near her looked at her the wrong way or whatever. if a kid is truly happy being in school why would they want to come home? I used to fake being sick to come home for what seemed to be the smallest of reasons. my mother never punshed me, rather she tried to find the source of the problem in order to solve it. of course if I was home from school because I was ''sick'' she would treat me as if I was really sick meaning I had to rest, couldnt go out to play etc.

↑ Inspired ↓

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 2:32 pm

amother wrote:

Your child,your chinuch. But I think you are making a huge mistake. Sad

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 3:24 pm

original amother here...happyone, no I never did this as a child. I think it's quite odd that most of you feel this is ok. don't you feel it's wrong for a child to lie? I'm amazed. Don't you realize one lie can lead to another and a child should see it's wrong? Inspired (and the rest of you), YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR CHINUCH! UGH!

Flowerchild ↓

Wed, Jun 14 2006, 5:59 pm

yes lying is wrong and the child does need to understand that it is bad, however what bothers me is the fact that she made her self vomit just so she can go home. if your child is not a prankster and a quiet and well behaved child than I would be quite concerned as to why she did what she did. you can always punish and she should be reprimanded for lying, but dont be so quick to punish. just because you dont see that something is wrong it doesnt mean nothing is wrong. your first step should be to talk to her and ask why she did what she did and than go from there, and take the steps to correct her behavior. in fact I dont even think that at this point she should be punished at all, reprimand and talking to her should be done, if she does it again for no reason than punish her.

some kids do crazy things to get out of school because they are not happy and often times parents and teachers run to punish instead of listen and go on from there. just try talking to her and than see what happens