Spinoff of dh wants me to wear heels

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 1:15 am

My DH likes suggested bikini lazer and asked me to lok into it. I complied but still get reminders to go back. For me, I cant' leave the house without eyeliner/mascara, my DH feels I'm not wearing makeup unless I wear lipstick! When we go out together, even for a walk, I try to reapply lipstick/gloss. He likes heels, but I don't wear them so often (live in Israel). If we have a kiddush or something, I aways make sure to wear them for him.

My DH loves me a lot and thinks I'm the most gorgeous woman in the world. Because of that, I am happy to comply to his requests. Sometimes I laugh when my DH says my bang looks a little funny- he notices everything! He is looking forward to my brothers wedding because "you are going to look amazing" I guess this is my sacrifice for my beautiful marriage.

freidasima

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 1:40 am

My issue is with the word "needless".
Is it needless for a woman to wear heels that hurt her if her husband knows they hurt and still wants her to wear them?
Not if she wants to stay married to the jerko.
Because any man whose wife tells him straight out that something hurts and still wants her to do it is a major time jerko.
If you want to stay married to the jerko it is not needless.
He gets his kicks out of your pain.
And so if he doesn't get his kicks he might kick your you know what out of his house.
And you will be alone
And destitute
And shoeless
And you will have to go barefoot in the snow, uphill, both ways.
And die alone having hallucinations like "the little match girl" in the Hans Xtian Anderson story that always makes me cry.
Isn't it better to hurt your tootsies a bit than to be "the little match girl?"

And therefore it is not needless.

Anyone get my logic here? I don't. Just passing the time before a big meeting at work and sick of looking at the case files on my desk.

↑ louche ↓

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 7:38 am

Oh, but freidasima, if the little match lady had a marketable skill, she could support herself when the major jerko kicked her out of the house for refusing to put up with shoes styled by a sadist.

↑ louche ↓

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 7:46 am

onlyme wrote:

Give up, louche, it's pointless. You know the answer.

NOTHING. That's what.

Ummm, yeah. That was my pernt. Try though I could, I couldn't come up with anything, though there was one poster who wanted her dh to wax his back. I did know one guy who had cosmetic surgery to sculpt his face, but he wasn't doing it for a woman.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 8:27 am

amother wrote:

B"H wrote:

and no, I do not agree that men hold in their urges to please their wives! they do it (hopefully) because it's a commandment from G-d!!!

I didn't mean they control their urges when their not allowed to have relations- I'm talking about the husband who suffers silently because his pregnant wife fell asleep before he came out of the bathroom again, or agrees to give a massage instead of s*x because she had rough day......those kinds of things majorly please the wife!

Oh, poor guy. He got his wife pregnant and now he has to deal with her being tired! I feel so bad for him, actually having to control himself.

gold21 ↓

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 9:08 am

louche, you are funny and right on. but anyways dont assume every woman is waxing/wearing heels/putting on makeup for her husband. some women do it cuz it makes them feel pretty. in all honesty, if my husband ever harassed me to do something that he knew was uncomfortable for me, I would probably freak and never do it! anyways, BH its not applicable, as he wouldnt push me to do something painful.

↑ marina

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 9:23 am

amother wrote:

marina wrote:

Quote:

Not giving in to their urges when they crop up at inopportune times- majorly painful physically, probably like wearing too high too tight heels

There is NO physical pain involved from abstaining at any time. This is a total myth.

Get your husband all worked up, ready to go, then walk away. See what happens. Pain is the best word for it, because the best and quickest release is to "spill his seed" and he can't.............

There is no pain. The concept of "blue balls" is a total myth that teenage boys tell their girlfriends to encourage them to let go all the way.

Get yourself all worked up and then stop- there is no pain, just frustration. Nothing majorly painfull. Not at all like wearing high heels.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 12:23 pm

I dont believe that anyones husbands "harrass" them to wax and wear high heels. I dont believe that anyone is putting their marriage in jeopardy if they dont do those things. However there are husbands who like when their wives look presentable and those husbands have their own ideas of what presentable is. My husband also feels that im not wearing makeup if I'm not wearing lipstick/gloss, appreciates a waxing-actually asks me to get them, and prefers when I wear high heels. Is it more comfortable to wear flats, yes. Is waxing painful, yes but cmon.. how much pain is it really? Its not like hes asking me to put myself thru enormous amount of pain because he enjoys when I'm in pain. Id rather know what he likes than have to guess. And I ENJOY knowing that I'm doing something that he likes and appreciates. Some of you are acting like its wrong to wear heels simply because he asks you to. Isnt that what part of marriage is? Doing things that your husband likes simply to make him happy?

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 12:27 pm

marina wrote:

amother wrote:

marina wrote:

Quote:

Not giving in to their urges when they crop up at inopportune times- majorly painful physically, probably like wearing too high too tight heels

There is NO physical pain involved from abstaining at any time. This is a total myth.

Get your husband all worked up, ready to go, then walk away. See what happens. Pain is the best word for it, because the best and quickest release is to "spill his seed" and he can't.............

I'd like to disagree. My husband has very very bad pain if he has gotten himself all excited but then for whatever reason did not get to finish... the pain is not immediate, it will happen within a few hours or within a couple of days.

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 12:36 pm

marina wrote:

amother wrote:

marina wrote:

Quote:

Not giving in to their urges when they crop up at inopportune times- majorly painful physically, probably like wearing too high too tight heels

There is NO physical pain involved from abstaining at any time. This is a total myth.

Get your husband all worked up, ready to go, then walk away. See what happens. Pain is the best word for it, because the best and quickest release is to "spill his seed" and he can't.............

Are you a man? Otherwise there is no way you can know for sure.

BrachaBP

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 1:25 pm

louche wrote:

OK, ladies, we all know what sort of needlessly painful things women endure to please their husbands, such as piercing their ears, wearing high heels, wearing girdles and getting Brazilian waxes.

Now...is there anything needlessly physically painful that frum men endure to please their wives? Tattooing doesn't count b/c it's assur, and pumping iron doesn't count because it's not painful if done right and actually benefits them health-wise. Dieting doesn't count b/c it's not physically painful, and when a man does it, it's usually far from needless.

Anyone?

Tick...tick...tick...

how about when they are in the mood and we women are really not and show them and tell them basically not tonight. Does that count?

Raisin

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 2:56 pm

I guess it's theoretically possible that some woman is telling her perfectly fit and healthy husband that he has to spend hours in the gym keeping fit becasue she is only attracted to muscle-y men.

(personally I find working out physically painful!)

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 3:41 pm

the pain my dh endures for me:
1. getting up early to take care of the kids and let me sleep
2. My telling him as we sit down together after a long day- honey please get up and brush your teeth ( I try to say it nicely, but havn't found the magic words yet)

btw I dress for me, and like getting compliments from dh, but he doesn't tell me what to do, so maybe I don't qualify for this thread?

↑ gold21 ↓

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 5:12 pm

amother who said you dont believe guys "harrass" their wives to do whatever: this thread is a spin off of the thread about a woman whose hubby pressures her to wear heels. I think thats what the story was. anyways, of course its a positive thing to want to look pretty for your husband! but like everything in life, there is a fine line between positve and negative. imho.

↑ amother

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 5:58 pm

so mabe these things arent "painfull" but dh def. keeps them up for meaw.. and beleive me..they dont come to him naturaly. hee hee!

-trims his nose hairs-for me
-keeps his nails trim always-for me
-lets me trim his eyebrows-for me
-goes shoe/cloths shopping with me-for me

Maya

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 6:03 pm

gold21 wrote:

I think that the OP of that thread was confirmed as being a troll.

In any case, I agree that there definitely are men who demand their wives to dress a certain way, and also in the bedroom.

↑ gold21

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 7:10 pm

get out! she was a troll? what a freak. ok seriously there have been a lot of weird threads lately in the shalom bayis and intimacy section, everyone gets all heated up, then the thread disappears. a lot of bored depressed weirdos out there with no lives who enjoy making up stupid scenarios and posting on imamom.

↑ louche ↓

Thu, Nov 19 2009, 6:17 am

amother wrote:

Some of you are acting like its wrong to wear heels simply because he asks you to. Isnt that what part of marriage is? Doing things that your husband likes simply to make him happy?

The basic question is not "is it right for women wear or do things that please their dhs?" but "is it right for women to have to endure PAIN to please their husbands?" And if so, at what point does one draw the line and say that beyond this point is unacceptable?

Actually, I think the question is really "what kind of loving dh would want his wife to endure pain simply because he happens to appreciate the look?"

lovemykids ↓

Mon, Nov 23 2009, 8:34 am

I don't find that high heels is that painful. I love wearing them and I hate wearing flats. heels make me feel like a lady. as for the waxings. yes that is terrible pain. I do it not because my husband asked me too but because I want to look as attractive to him as I can. It is a pleasant pain for me. I do not expect him to suffer just because I do. I believe that if my husband would be in pain I would not be able to handle it especially if he would do it for me. I am glad to sacrifice this for the person I love and I don't expect anything back besides for appreciation.

Ruchel

Mon, Nov 23 2009, 8:39 am

Quote:

I want to look as attractive to him as I can. It is a pleasant pain for me.

The shrinks call that "alienation". Being a stranger to your own person.

Quote:

if my husband would be in pain I would not be able to handle it especially if he would do it for me.

Because you love him, right?
What does that tell about HIS feelings that he can stand it?