What is your opinion of this situation?

OOTBubby

Tue, Dec 02 2008, 2:01 pm

As it turns out now, the whole question is a moot point as instead of my children coming here for Shabbos Chanukah, we will be going to one of our children. And, I would never allow strangers to use my house without me at home (I did it only 2 times ever and only for very close friends).

I would though like to elaborate on and explain further based on some of the postings above.

I have nothing against this neighbor; just nothing to do with her -- we are in totally different social circles. And, where I live (large out of town city renown for hachnosas orchim) it is very unusual for someone to ask for accomodations for guests in a case like this. While, I agree, it would be pure hachnosas orchim to do so, it is also a lot of work.

I do have household help, and do not need to change/wash linens or clean the rooms myself. I do, though, whenever I host guests (which I do with great frequency for people that I do know) I put a lot of time of my own into make sure that everything is right (right towels, toiletries, cribs, diapers where needed,etc) for them. I am in my upper middle ages with sever arthritis and to this usually entails going up and down the stairs numerous times which is difficult for me. When the guests are guests of people I know (and whom I would ask to house my guests) or my family, I put myself out to do it. I just don't feel that I have any need to do it in this case (unless of course, I would want to do it solely for hachnosas orchim).

OOTBubby

Mon, Dec 29 2008, 4:54 pm

While I know some of you think I should have housed these guests when I didn't, I thought some of you might be interested in the unusual twists that happened here over Shabbos Chanukah which made it a good thing that I turned them down.

My MIL a"h was niftar this past week and because my DH was sitting shiva, some of my children decided last minute to come Shabbos Chanukah with their families, so I need the space over Shabbos to house them.

And a relative of one of my machatonim became engaged to a local and asked me to put up their family (who was very gracious and helpful to me when I was in their city).

Had I housed the guests of these neighbors I would not have had room for my guests that wound up coming.

And, as an aside, when I was picking my children from the airport, some of the neighbor's guests were there asking for rides to our neighborhood (I would have accommodated them be could not as we were going directly to the bais avel in a different neighborhood).

Aribenj

Mon, Dec 29 2008, 9:09 pm

If you're not invited to the simcha, I would make up some excuse. I mean, you don't owe her something and she's basically using you. However, if you have been invited, then I would tell her that I have one room available and leave it at that, so that she sees you're beeing generous.

gonewiththewind

Mon, Dec 29 2008, 9:56 pm

If your health makes it too difficult for you to have company, I understand, but I don't see how the different social circle thing was relevant. I don't like the idea of calling asking if you can do hachnosas orchim "using you." It is asking you if you can do one of the mitzvos Jews have been known for since Avraham Avinu. You don't have to, but how is that using you?