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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:08 am

If your teenager works or gets money and wants to buy something in the $300 range and you disprove of the purchase do you still let them buy it? If so would you put conditions on when they could use it?
Or if they decide they want to dress in away you disapprove of what do you do?
I’m at a loss as what the correct thing to do.

notshanarishona

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:24 am

It depends, something like a phone that I would be hashkafically opposed to a 13 year old getting or just something that’s I feel is a waste of $ in which case I would say she can spend her $ how she wants.

amother

Coral

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:26 am

An electronic I'm against or clothing that is not tznius, I would not allow. While she lives in my home it's my rules. Things I just don't feel like spending on and I think aren't great but aren't a huge deal halacha or hashkafa wise I'd probably ignore.

amother

Mustard

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:29 am

It depends what child is up to in his journey.
Regular kid, good relationship with you and he would respect what you have to say, I would say I really disagree with buying such a thing, I know it's your money but...and have a discussion.
If we're taking about a struggling kid it's totally different chinuch methods.

amother

Denim

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:34 am

Depends on the kid, age, personality, etc

If my 17 year old insisted on a smart phone, I doubt I can do much. If my 13 year old was insisting, I can say no assuming I send to a school where kids dont have smartphones.

essie14

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 12:46 am

Teenager is a big range. A 13 year old wants to buy Playb0y?
Or a 17 year old wants a smartphone?

amother

Viola

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 1:34 am

By the time they are a teenager I would allow, unless it is something that will annoy the rest of the family, like a set of drums.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Apr 10 2024, 8:40 am

I first put them off and say they need to make the money and not just take money they already made. They need to feel like they're working for it.
And then I assess.

My son wanted a certain kosher phone that he spoke about with his rebbe and I thought was a waste but he spent a long time working for it and it really was important to him and he had done all the right steps so he got it.

My daughter wanted a certain shirt that was almost $80 just because it was a brand name. I made her work for that money and then she sent me the link and I saw it had a certain tznius issue so we looked and found a different option by the same brand name that was totally fine and it even ended up being cheaper (and she now has 2 people who are buying it since it seems like she started a trend)... So I explained my concerns and what my boundaries were but worked with her to appease her "need" so that we were both happy....

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