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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
shabbatiscoming
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 Tue, Apr 02 2024, 2:45 pm
From a different thread, I just want to say, please pleas please, dont be martyrs and do everything by yourself to prepare for pesach.
Please, have every single family member do what they can age and ability wise.
Pesach prep, cleaning and getting your home ready and cooking should not all fall on you. Preparing for a chag is for an entire family to do.
Please dont come to the seder as a shmatta after prparing everything on your own. That is now how it should be.
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amother
Peachpuff
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 2:48 pm
especially those hosting *all* or even some of the marrieds. marrieds should chip in even more. they don't carry the burden of making yom tov but they can make a huge difference in the hostess's yom tov.
said as a youngish mother with little kids that's staying home and cooking it all.
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amother
Burgundy
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 3:40 pm
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Easier said than done. Some have husbands who aren’t home to help. Some have husbands who WONT help. Some have husbands with super high standards, but won’t do it themselves. You can make suggestion from now till next Pesach, but things won’t change for them.
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amother
Olive
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 3:43 pm
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | From a different thread, I just want to say, please pleas please, dont be martyrs and do everything by yourself to prepare for pesach.
Please, have every single family member do what they can age and ability wise.
Pesach prep, cleaning and getting your home ready and cooking should not all fall on you. Preparing for a chag is for an entire family to do.
Please dont come to the seder as a shmatta after prparing everything on your own. That is now how it should be. |
Not everyone has that luxury
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UQT
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 3:51 pm
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Sorry, I’m kinda of a control freak and once a year want to go through my entire house myself. I let my teens do their own rooms. I actually enjoy the process on my own
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shabbatiscoming
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 3:53 pm
| UQT wrote: | | Sorry, I’m kinda of a control freak and once a year want to go through my entire house myself. I let my teens do their own rooms. I actually enjoy the process on my own | If you enjoy it, great. This was more of a PSA for those that dont enjoy, and feel that it is too much hard work etc.
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shabbatiscoming
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 3:54 pm
| amother Burgundy wrote: | | Easier said than done. Some have husbands who aren’t home to help. Some have husbands who WONT help. Some have husbands with super high standards, but won’t do it themselves. You can make suggestion from now till next Pesach, but things won’t change for them. | Im sorry that this is your experience then. Nothing else to add.
What about children? We always helped growing up. I put my daughter to work as well.
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amother
Nasturtium
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 4:04 pm
I’m struggling financially and had cut my cleaning help hours. This year, since Purim till Pesach I added extra hours. My big boys come home late at night (around 10 pm) and my oldest girl comes home at 7, and she’s only 10 years old. They have to organize their toys and junk. Actual Pesach cleaning is me and my cleaning help. No spring cleaning now.
My kids help with the juicing and baking before Pesach.
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amother
Burgundy
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 4:04 pm
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | Im sorry that this is your experience then. Nothing else to add.
What about children? We always helped growing up. I put my daughter to work as well. |
I didn’t say any of this was my experience. BH my house gets cleaned with minimal stress to me.
Kids? Not everyone’s kids cooperate nicely, and sometimes it’s just easier to do things yourself, rather than fight or beg. Some kids are not reliable cleaners. Some kids (like mine) have school until the Wednesday or Thursday before Pesach. If someone is turning over before, everything will need to be cleaned before the kids are off. I’m not saying any of this is happening, I’m just giving examples why it’s not always as simple as just don’t allow it to happen.
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flowerpower
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 4:07 pm
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Do you think this psa will suddenly get husbands to help more? Be able to afford more cleaning help? Have more time in the day? Have the baby and toddler behave better? No one wants to work themselves to tur bone on purpose
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shabbatiscoming
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 4:11 pm
| flowerpower wrote: | | Do you think this psa will suddenly get husbands to help more? Be able to afford more cleaning help? Have more time in the day? Have the baby and toddler behave better? No one wants to work themselves to tur bone on purpose | I never said any of what you are questioning.
I was just putting my thoughts on this out there.
You dont agree? No need to answer. 
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SYA
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 4:36 pm
I used to do spring cleaning when doing Pesach cleaning until covid when I was sick in bed.
My Rov told me clean the areas where there’s a potential to have chometz like under the beds… but do not do spring cleaning before Pesach. Leave that for after Pesach. Organizing needed to clean for Pesach can be done now and the rest after.
It has cut down my Pesach workload tremendously.
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flowerpower
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 11:40 pm
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | I never said any of what you are questioning.
I was just putting my thoughts on this out there.
You dont agree? No need to answer. |
Hope I didnt hurt you. Most people hope not to come like a shmatta to the seder. Or there are those that can only cope by being last minute.
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amother
Turquoise
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Tue, Apr 02 2024, 11:59 pm
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I would need a personality transplant for that. Doormat is my middle name
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amother
Turquoise
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Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:01 am
| amother Nasturtium wrote: | I’m struggling financially and had cut my cleaning help hours. This year, since Purim till Pesach I added extra hours. My big boys come home late at night (around 10 pm) and my oldest girl comes home at 7, and she’s only 10 years old. They have to organize their toys and junk. Actual Pesach cleaning is me and my cleaning help. No spring cleaning now.
My kids help with the juicing and baking before Pesach. |
gentle reminder,
organizing toys and junk is spring cleaning
Bahhh really no help
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amother
Oldlace
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Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:44 am
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | From a different thread, I just want to say, please pleas please, dont be martyrs and do everything by yourself to prepare for pesach.
Please, have every single family member do what they can age and ability wise.
Pesach prep, cleaning and getting your home ready and cooking should not all fall on you. Preparing for a chag is for an entire family to do.
Please dont come to the seder as a shmatta after prparing everything on your own. That is now how it should be. |
What a Nice thought. Now imagine the dil complaining that her mean mil asked her clean off the high chair tray after her baby , and plus the mil didn’t offer to watch her kids and dress them in the morning and plus the mil asked dil’s husband to actually help in some small way when he came home from shul - all this after poor dil had to travel in to be hosted for Pesach ! (Tongue in cheek Based on other posts)
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amother
Tomato
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Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:54 am
Dh is unable to help
Bochur is tzufloigen and not so available
8th grade dd is my right hand BLI AYIN HARA!!
younger kids aren't too helpful
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amother
Cerulean
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Wed, Apr 03 2024, 4:08 am
I'm actually feeling bad for my parents here, wishing someone could help them make Pesach this year. None of my siblings live in the same city as my parents anymore. Most have large families and are making their own Pesach. The siblings who are coming will arrive right before YT, except for possibly one who is due any day bez'H and is planning to come to my parents (my parents are excited about it). I know my parents are happy with the plans, but they really aren't getting any help! They're not as young as they once were and they're working so hard. My mom has a cleaning lady once a week, so at least for that. I live abroad and for medical reasons can't come in, so we're making Pesach at home and I'm of no help to them either.
On a different note, I want to comment on the kids who come in from Israel. I'm not giving an actual opinion, since I see both sides. But it's a good thing to see both sides sometimes. We traveled in several times and I made sure to give as much help as I could to both my mom and mil when we were there. My sil's tried to be helpful, too, but they weren't as available. We have a very small family, while they were trying to somehow watch their kids (who were home 24/7) and keep them out of trouble. I was lucky to be able to use my vacation days and take off of work, so I had those last few days off. My sil's had to work remotely. So they were trying to somehow watch their kids (mostly the husbands ended up doing that) while working about 7 hours, and then somehow trying to help their mom. I felt bad for my mil that she needed the help, but I also felt bad for them. They really wanted to help, but at the end of the day the biggest help they could be was to keep the little kids out of the way. My in laws were very nice about it and have the outlook that they want their kids to come in to spend time with them, not for the help. But it's a very big job making pesach for so many people and it takes a lot from them.
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amother
Nasturtium
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Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:15 am
| amother Turquoise wrote: | gentle reminder,
organizing toys and junk is spring cleaning
Bahhh really no help |
Not when my little one (age 3) keeps it on her bed with chometz play dough as well.
I don’t mean real organizing.
Meant more to put it away and sort the chometz like play dough, slime, special soaps.. clear her bed and handbags that also have some snacks hidden inside too
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Tzutzie
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Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:44 am
| amother Cerulean wrote: | I'm actually feeling bad for my parents here, wishing someone could help them make Pesach this year. None of my siblings live in the same city as my parents anymore. Most have large families and are making their own Pesach. The siblings who are coming will arrive right before YT, except for possibly one who is due any day bez'H and is planning to come to my parents (my parents are excited about it). I know my parents are happy with the plans, but they really aren't getting any help! They're not as young as they once were and they're working so hard. My mom has a cleaning lady once a week, so at least for that. I live abroad and for medical reasons can't come in, so we're making Pesach at home and I'm of no help to them either.
On a different note, I want to comment on the kids who come in from Israel. I'm not giving an actual opinion, since I see both sides. But it's a good thing to see both sides sometimes. We traveled in several times and I made sure to give as much help as I could to both my mom and mil when we were there. My sil's tried to be helpful, too, but they weren't as available. We have a very small family, while they were trying to somehow watch their kids (who were home 24/7) and keep them out of trouble. I was lucky to be able to use my vacation days and take off of work, so I had those last few days off. My sil's had to work remotely. So they were trying to somehow watch their kids (mostly the husbands ended up doing that) while working about 7 hours, and then somehow trying to help their mom. I felt bad for my mil that she needed the help, but I also felt bad for them. They really wanted to help, but at the end of the day the biggest help they could be was to keep the little kids out of the way. My in laws were very nice about it and have the outlook that they want their kids to come in to spend time with them, not for the help. But it's a very big job making pesach for so many people and it takes a lot from them. |
Pesach is lovely but also hard bh.
My family is similar. But what we do is, my nieces and nephew's take a bus, or find a ride a few days- a week before pesach to mils town and they go to bubby to help make pesach. Clean/cook/prep/errands.
It's been working out amazingly well.
My parents don't host much other than a meal. Sometimes they go away. Sometimes they do just one family at a time. Usually a family without a lot of little. Lots of cleaning help and if they are hosting a family, that family will also come a few days early and totally help out whatever is needed.
Noone gets a free pass. Noone gets to pesach like a shmata.
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