Chizuk - daughter rejected because of her size

amother

Snow

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 9:50 pm

I'm sorry, that is painful. Better know that now than later. And not have her husband complain about her size like we sometimes get on this board. The right one will love her exactly as is. It's difficult when your kids are in shidduchim for the parents too, we hurt for them. We want others to see the good in them and no one is perfect, it's the right one will be fine with the entire picture and like who they are. I needed a similar pep talk earlier today. We know each kids situation and what others might get hung up on, rightfully or not, but we also see all the strengths they have that should be cherished that they will bring to a marriage.

notshanarishona

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 9:56 pm

I got married despite being a 12-14.
The worst thing you can do as a mother is tell her she is getting rejected because she is overweight. Trust me she knows.
You can help her look pretty, buy her nice outfits, makeup, etc but the right guy won’t care. It’s not like only skinny girls get married.

amother

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:06 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

OMG of course we didnt tell her
she is suspecting it though because they asked for her photo..
and someone from work asked 'who is in a shiduch - someone's been sitting around in a car for a bit out here- seems they're looking for someone'

amother

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:11 pm

Aurora wrote:

But doesn't she want a chassan who loves her and thinks that she is incredibly attractive the way she is?

It's better to find out now.

of course but momentarily Mr. Right is nowhere to be seen and the rejection just HURTS

amother

Carnation

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ew. Glad she’s not my MIL!

(Btw it’s entirely possible the guy in question wouldn’t care. He probably said he’s not attracted to very large girls not realizing that he means 3x+ but his mother is turning down anyone over a size 2.)

amother

Copper

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:20 pm

The first girl in my class to get married was also the chubbiest one. Simple sweet girl to an amazing boy (we know the boys family well, he had people chasing him etc) I believe the mother saw the girl somewhere and liked her. They are a great couple bh!

amother

Nasturtium

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:20 pm

I’m so sorry OP. I felt a sting in my heart reading your post. I know exactly how it felt and I was a tall size 10-12 in shidduchim. I even had a Shadchan tell me that “boys like X think a size 6 is big and you’re bigger than that”. I just said some tehilim for you and your beautiful daughter. You should feel and see true Simchas very very soon Bezras Hashem!

amother

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:22 pm

amother Nasturtium wrote:

so kind Nasturtium

amother

Wheat

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:46 pm

I was a size 10 or 12 when I got married, I was told I was too fat by a lot of people. It's really dumb. I married a very amazing guy who thought I was gorgeous. He was also on the bigger side and very attractive. I gained a lot of weight after kids, I'm presently an 18 or so. He thinks it's great. He is presently 300 lbs and gorgeous.

People constantly needle us about our weight but we are both healthy and eat very well. We are both sugar free, I'm gluten free and he's mostly gluten free. We don't eat processed junky foods. We are just bigger. If I had married a man who liked skinny women he wouldn't be attracted to me today. My husband is Mr hands all over.

There are all kinds of body types and there is a shidduch for everyone, no matter what size.

My mother gave us a very hard time about weight. I have 2 sisters with eating disorders one of whom didn't ovulate for 7 years because she can't get above 1,000 calories a day. She's freezing cold all the time and her hair breaks off. Honestly, I blame my mother. This whole obsession with size has to stop. People die from this. I'd much rather be fat and happy and healthy than skinny and sick like that.

So be very careful what you say.

amother

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:49 pm

amother Wheat wrote:

THANKS SO MUCH FOR SHARING
I am crying for your sister
and your mother - because society has driven her to that

smss

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

G-d knows how we tried to get her to watch her weight

So you were the first ones to reject her weight.
I'm sorry if that's harsh but her bashert is out there, I'm not worried about that.
I am worried that this young woman grew up in a home with parents who were constantly telling her (overtly or covertly) that her body is a problem.
When she does get married, will she be able to believe her husband when he says she's beautiful?

amother

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:51 pm

smss wrote:

that was an assumption
we focused on healthy eating not on size bashing
we focused on healthy movement
she has a very healthy body image THANK G-D

amother

Poinsettia

Thu, Aug 03 2023, 10:56 pm

This is such an old story about guys only wanting to date thin girls. People think its a recent mishigas.

I red a Shidduch in the 1970s to a professional guy in his 20s. The guy went out with the girl and got back to me after the first date saying:

"The problem with Suri, is that theres too much of Suri" (name changed). I was shocked. Its one thing to think it and another to say it.

I remember this til today, more than 40 years later.

She married very well. I have no idea where he is now, and who he married. I wonder.

Honestly, as a Shadchan, I see its been a widespread problem for many years.

Theres plenty of skinny stunning older singles.

Hashem is in charge.