My daughter’s wig is so long

amother

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 4:44 pm

I haven’t said anything to her. Just came here to vent.

They’re here for YT and the new sheitel really cheapens her look. I keep telling myself to mmob and focus on all the positives. But I don’t understand how she walks out looking like that. It’s an expensive wig but the style is so unrefined and makes her look like someone who cares about zexiness more than yiddishkeit. Why would she wear something like this??

Bash away!

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 4:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

She obviously does not share your view on HER wig. I mean, she is the one wearing it. She must like how she looks and feels in the wig.
Sorry you dont like how your daughter looks, but please, do not say anything.

amother

Canary

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 4:52 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

Are you my mother?

Then you’d be my sister! LOL

The difference is this my mother wouldn’t stop talking about it until we’d give in and cut it. Punch

amother

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 4:55 pm

I hope not, because I don’t want my dd to know how I feel. Just venting.

I feel like I wasn’t a good enough mother and didn’t give over love of yiddishkeit properly. I know everyone here is going to hate my post, but that’s how I feel. I wish I could go back in time and do better.

amother

NeonPink

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 4:56 pm

Long hair (or wig) does not indicate those things. Long hair is often associated with youth, personality and creativity. Try to see those things instead.

amother

Cappuccino

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 4:59 pm

OP I get you because my MIL is the same way. She is heartbroken when her kids do differently from what she feels is right. I really feel bad for her.

Good for you for not saying anything. I hope you come to accept that what your adult children do is their own choice and it’s not a reflection of you. You do the best you can and then it’s out of your hands.

amother

NeonPink

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

But why does this have anything to do with the love of yiddishkeit?

bebrave

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's hard having all these guilty feelings and that's what probably makes it so much harder for you every time you see her, you think it's all your problem. Maybe try talk yourself out of that negativity and try not to blame yourself. In the end of the day she's an adult who's chosen the wig she wants to wear

amother

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:09 pm

People don’t just randomly decide to wear a wig that’s long and unrefined when none of their friends do. It’s not a neutral choice. It says look at me. It says I don’t feel good about myself, give me attention for my looks. It indicates an inner lack of connection with Hashem. It goes along with her not getting up to daven anymore.

It’s so painful as a mother to see.

Aurora

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Please don't say anything. I bought a sheitl I really liked once, and actually paid real money for it.

My mom laughed at me the first time she saw me.

Now I basically wear tichels and hats, and the sheitl is gathering dust on a shelf.

amother

Lily

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s an expensive wig but the style is so unrefined and makes her look like someone who cares about zexiness more than yiddishkeit. Why would she wear something like this??

If she was truly preoccupied with looking alluring, I think you would see it in many other facets of her presentation and demeanor, not just her sheitel.

While I know some people can construe long hair as s_xy, some people just think it is very pretty and enjoy styling and arranging it.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

My gosh so judgy. I feel great about myself in my long wig as well as in my short one.

amother

Violet

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

it hurts. bad.
it may be a passing stage
feel your feelings.
process
when you're done with that - think:
what do I want?
how; if at all can I get it?

bebrave

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's definitely painful for a mother to watch. Try see her as a person in pain rather than an immodest rebel who can't dress normally

Aurora

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

Or it says I think the usual look is boring, and I like to play with my clothes.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP, again, this is what YOU think or believe when seeing someone wearing a long wig. I am 100% sure that this is not what any new young bride is thinking when wearing her new wig.

Please, stop judging your daughter.

And let her live her own life. If she isnt daveining right now, let your find herself. Wherever and whomever that may be.

amother

NeonPink

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

You know the thing you said about going back and changing something- this is that thing.
Change it now before you regret it with her and with your other children.

amother

Snowflake

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 5:14 pm

Whether anyone likes it or not there comes a day when kids are grown up that you see things clear as day and feel monkey see monkey do, where did I go wrong. Op is very normal and doing the healthy thing and keeping it to herself and I understand fully she is here for support & chizzuk because she isn't letting it be known irl.

Its very hard op. But iyh she will show you that you did a good job raising her in every way soon, and its just a passing phase.

And btw, I seen a lot of the new kallahs wearing ridiculously long wigs right now. (Saying this from circles where everyone is wearing some degree of long wigs) I personally feel this fad is too long to look good even from a fashion pov, because on especially these thin petite young women it looks like a mane/mop of hair and their face and body get lost in it, it must be whats in in certain young crowds.

The fad will pass. Next in line is very short again.