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Forum
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-> Guests
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Jun 28 2023, 12:57 pm
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So the summer has started and bh we are able to go upstate for the summer. Not sure how the whole thing started of people expecting to be invited for shabbosim but it's part of our summer at this point. There is a family DH wants/feels obligated to invite. The issue is I have nothing to do with the wife and it would be very draining for me. Do I push myself because it will make DH happy and these people really want to come? Am I just being selfish saying no for no real reason?
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giftedmom
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Wed, Jun 28 2023, 12:59 pm
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You’re not being selfish. Are you in an actual bungalow? Because unless it’s a summer home and you have an actual guest bedroom, hosting is really stressful.
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lamplighter
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Wed, Jun 28 2023, 1:02 pm
I don't think it's either/or.
I think that just as you would want to have your guests come, you can try to accommodate when he wants someone to come but you can express that it's draining and have him help you change up the arrangements or help in general to make it soemthing you can manage.
We do things for our spouse that we don't love doing but we don't have to be a shmatta for it. Try to find a middle ground.
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amother
Papayawhip
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Wed, Jun 28 2023, 1:07 pm
I hate it when people feel entitled to their invitations.
I so regret pushing myself for years to accommodate everyone. When I look back at last summer I wanna cry. I had no summer at all because I was so busy pleasing everyone who felt entitled to a piece.
My kids also payed a price because I was becoming miserable and being pulled in so many directions. I put my foot down this year. I hope my kids and I will have a better summer
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jun 28 2023, 1:07 pm
| lamplighter wrote: | I don't think it's either/or.
I think that just as you would want to have your guests come, you can try to accommodate when he wants someone to come but you can express that it's draining and have him help you change up the arrangements or help in general to make it soemthing you can manage.
We do things for our spouse that we don't love doing but we don't have to be a shmatta for it. Try to find a middle ground. |
I've thought about this but maybe you can help me brainstorm. Sometimes it's easier to see the solution when you are not in it.
The work beforehand I don't mind, I enjoy cooking and all. But no matter what there are going to be a whole bunch of hours over shabbos when the men are in shul and it's just us and that is the part I am dreading.
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amother
Lightgray
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Wed, Jun 28 2023, 1:18 pm
I agree it would be draining and it's nothing like having guests without knowing the wife, for Shabbat dinner or lunch. For that time period it is easy to make small talk and know you are being a good wife.
In all likelihood she is not looking to be best friends with you. They are probably looking for a cheap, relaxing way to get away and spend the day sitting outdoors in the shade with the kids running around by themselves.
I wouldn't do it.
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