Please don't bring babies or young children to megillah

dena613

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 8:01 pm

I saw children at megillah mentioned on a different thread.
I'll never forget the very long thread a few years ago from the woman who was insulted that people weren't happy to see her at megillah with a little kid.

PSA letoeles harabbim, saying it now before tomorrow leinings:

Little kids do not belong at megillah unless they can absolutely not make a sound of whisper or talk for forty minutes... I think that for typical kids that's not before age 6.

I know I'll get flak for this, so to anyone who agrees with this general premise please LIKE this post

193

amother

DarkPurple

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 8:26 pm

dena613 wrote:

I would like to add that if your child has any specific challenges that would make it hard for them to sit at megila, he/she should not attend a public reading, even if they are well beyond 6. There are many people who read in their homes and/or privately for this reason. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE be respectful and understanding so as not to create unnecessary pain and tension for yourself and others.

amother

Amaryllis

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 8:32 pm

I once brought a three month old to Megillah. She was a very easy baby, had been recently fed, changed, and had just settled in for what was usually the right timing for one of her longer naps. I thought I was so smart and everything was going great. Until the first Haman.

As it happened I was able to pat and rock through all the Hamans and she calmly woke up right at the end. But I never tried that again.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 8:46 pm

I sent my 4 year old to the first reading and told my teen to bring her out and go to the second reading an hour later if she made noise. By the time 4 yo started whispering, they were halfway through and teen dd didn't want to have to come back again, especially since she hadn't broken her fast yet...oh well...lesson learned. 🙈 Apparently it wasn't any worse than some whispering from time to time that she needed a drink. I can't wait for her tantrum tomorrow morning when I tell her she can't go.

heidi

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 8:52 pm

amother Magenta wrote:

This is a huge part of the problem right there. Why is it on your daughter who has a chiyuv to hear megilla to be responsible for a 4 year old? She made an age appropriate decision to stay in therefore causing distress to the people around her.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 9:01 pm

heidi wrote:

It didn't sound like it was so bad. But like I said, lesson learned. We thought she was old enough to understand not to whisper.

amother

Strawberry

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 9:20 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

For this to work, the community has to step up. A fourth grade boy with adhd who has difficulty sitting still or quietly in shul has to learn how to do it somehow, and needs a socially acceptable way to go to shul. Each decent- sized community needs to provide a minyan/reading for people with some differences to go, where it runs like a regular minyan but everyone who gies knows they may need to go re-hear later. It can be used for training, for people who will never be able to fully sit quietly throughout, etc. We have one in my community- I have a kid who volunteers at it. They have a very quick reading afterwards for all who brought people and then need to re-hear.

flowerpower

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 9:23 pm

I bring my kids to megilla every year. I come a good 15 minutes early and take the spot farthest from people. My kids have toys and nosh to keep themselves occupied for the duration of the reading…. They bh behave every single year. They use their grager at hamen which makes them excited…..

amother

Bisque

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 9:29 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I think it really depends on each child, not the age. I have brought a 4 year old, because she was so excited about her gragger by haman, and I knew that she’d be perfect with a pep talk beforehand, and she was! Another child I didn’t bring until age 6

amother

Mauve

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 9:35 pm

I bring my kids to megilla and they're quiet bh. There were many kids in shul at megilla tonight and it was quiet. I was actually amazed.
Some people just get angry at the sight of a child, usually older women. They forget very fast what it means to have young children.

heidi

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 10:10 pm

amother Mauve wrote:

Speaking as an older woman, no, I didn't forget what it means to have young children. I just can't believe you think they belong at megilla reading. When my kids were young I stayed home with them and dragged myself out to the later reading. ( Where there was no babysitting, something I have never heard of or seen in the 6 communities I have lived in.) Banging head

amother

Firethorn

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 10:27 pm

A grandma arrived to our small shul with about 2 adults and 8 young kids ( meaning it seems like some moms stayed home, but the grandma brought along the grandkids as a treat or whatever)
One little girl was sobbing and sighing throughout, not loudly, but she was obviously in distress like either she needed the bathroom, or had a stomachache….I felt so bad for her .
Another 2 kids were kibbitzing around…it really created an unpleasant environment for those right there….
I hope she learned her lesson for tomorrow…

amother

Geranium

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 10:47 pm

As a young mom- JUST DONT BRING THEM. There. I said it. It has nothing to do with age. You once made me have to rehear it. DH goes and then I go to a late one. Inconvenient? Yeah. But why should I risk causing someone else to miss out?
One shul locally has a "noisy leining" (for kids) at the same time as the adult one. Another has a show/entertainment. But I don't bring my kids there until old enough to be independent there.

amother

Feverfew

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 10:54 pm

amother Mauve wrote:

We don't forget. We clearly remember, hence the reason why we get upset when we see young children at megillah. It is rare that the young children are all quiet and don't disturb someone around them. Happens of course, but its not the usual.

My shul had some young children there. One sleeping baby woke up in the midst. A few young children around 4-5 were indeed whispering but loudly whispering and were clearly heard across the room. The mothers all had seats in the front so perhaps they thought if they can still hear the megillah, others in the back can too.

What I find strange is that the young mothers push aside consideration for others. There are multiple later leinings in my area for precisely this reason. There was one at 8:15, another at 8:50, and more. For the most part, why can't parents take turns instead of risking the possibility of having others bot hear properly.

amother

Ballota

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 11:17 pm

amother Mauve wrote:

If I need to go to a second megillah reading because of the noise a kid made and as a result in didn't hear it properly YOU BET I am in no mood for any kids, quiet or not.

amother

Phlox

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 11:18 pm

amother Firethorn wrote:

I hear how that sounds so annoying, but retro actively and from an outsiders perspective we can be Dan lkaf zechus…there are so many reasons why a grandmother brought her grandchildren without their mother (maybe the mother just had a baby? Or is sick?)

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 11:40 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

There are thousands of reasons and we can DLKZ until we are blue in the face.
It all cooks down to one thing:
We need to hear *every word* of the megillah to be yoitze.

theoneandonly

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 12:02 am

What really drives me crazy is when ppl being kids to the later, women's only readings. Those are not meant for kids!! If I miss a word there I have nowhere else to go because this is the late reading already! And I've seen this multiple times with multiple women.