feeling so alone! | Imamother

amother

Thu, Apr 14 2011, 2:12 pm

When the pain's so strong,
For understanding, I long.
Tormented, confused and hurt,
husband acting distant and curt.
I'm a tormented soul.
feeling oh, so alone!
Hashem, I know, I should reach out.
Your kindness to realize-- it's all around.
with the muddled brain that created in me,
I struggle for "Happiness" hoping-- MAYBE??
One day I'll out grow this insane need.
Onde day I'll accept myself at my own speed.
It's hurtful, it pains, to feel so alone.
I wish I can reach out and hug my soul.

robynm

Thu, Apr 14 2011, 2:26 pm

I say that I'm happy the way I am
But it is all a facade
One big disguise

I don't want all to know
I hide
I keep it Inside

The truth is hidden
I am ashamed
I feel incomplete

Alone I walk
Day after day
telling others I'm ok

It's me that needs
The reassurance
For I am not convinced

So fierce and strong
But only on the outside
Within I am weak

I am alone.

amother

Thu, Apr 14 2011, 8:12 pm

So Alone

On that horribly dreadful day,
Not so very long ago,
The phone call came that left me cold,
Frightened,
Unable to respond.
It was my brother;
He had been coughing a lot.
He coughed
And coughed
Until he finally went for a chest x-ray.
And there it was!
The tumor!
A tumor?!?!
My brother?!?!
How could it be?
My brother couldn’t have a tumor around his heart!
It just couldn’t be true!

I wanted to call my friends.
I wanted to tell the world.
My family will never be the same.
I will never be the same.
I am now the sister of a cancer patient.
Our focus now is all on my brother.
Pesach is coming,
But no one cares.
We can’t stop to think about that now.
Because my brother is sick.
Who knows if he’ll live.
But how does one call up her friends and tell them such awful news?
How could I unload my terrible burden onto them?
I can’t do it.
I just can’t be so unfair.

I wanted to converse with The One Above,
I want to call to Him and say,
“There’s just no way, Hashem!
There’s no way You can do this to my beloved younger brother!
Just make him well!
Take that tumor away!”
But when I begged Hashem,
I beseeched and pleaded, there was no response.
What good was a one sided conversation?
I know You hear me, Hashem,
I know that You are listening!
So comfort me please and tell me,
Tell me that it all will be all right.
Promise to make by brother feel better.
Promise to make that cancerous tumor disappear!

I know that Hashem has heard our prayers,
But now chemo has begun.
And though I continue to beg Hashem,
I can’t help but feel alone.
So alone!

~Tiffany

BTW, my brother's name for Tehillim is Dovid Ben Nechama.

mummiedearest

Thu, Apr 14 2011, 8:19 pm

peace.
quiet.
lack of noise.
a sense of stability.
no longer being pulled in all directions,
I am one
with myself
and the universe.

I am alone.
blissfully so.

for a brief moment,
I can breathe
and enjoy the air as it flows.

three more seconds.
my time-out is up.
back to the jungle.
the natives are getting restless.

to the previous posters:

I'm sorry. I wish you all a wonderful pesach, and as much joy as you can handle.

Imhappy!

Fri, Apr 15 2011, 11:16 am

mummiedearest wrote:

ahhh. I feel the peace as I read your peice.. lol!