Chizuk | Imamother

amother

Fri, Apr 19 2024, 7:38 am

Last year, we were staying in difficult accommodations at my in laws and my brother in law on the first night of yt spoke about being grateful and not complaining (I forgot how it tied in to the Seder). I kept that thought with my throughout yt and it was so beneficial. Instead of complaining I focused on the good.

This year so many people have so many challenges as we see on this forum. I am posting this thought from Rabbi Efren Goldberg that I plan to keep front and center in my mind this yt in case it can be helpful for anyone reading:

(If this is not going to be helpful for you, then skip. I’m only posting in case it can be helpful for someone. Do not read if you don’t feel it’s helpful.)

“Many IDF soldiers, including my beloved nephew, found out they won't be home with their family for Pesach leaving them with a tremendous feeling of lamah nigara, why should we lose out?!

If you are with your family for Pesach, if you have them all accounted for and know their whereabouts, make an extra effort this year not to complain about making Pesach or the cost of Pesach. Do so with joy, gratitude and most of all with heartfelt prayer that the hostages will be home by Pesach & that our soldiers are safe, successful & can return home.”

amother

Daisy

Fri, Apr 19 2024, 7:53 am

Excuse me, even though your coming from good intentions, this is not helpful for many. Every challenge is different from the next person and for you to say not to complain.....first put yourself in someone else's shoes.

There are people out there that do have issues with some family members....and yes I feel for the soldiers and hostages....but we can't vent too? I don't think this was a chizuk this was more than another thing to make the people who do have problems to make ourselves feel small. Focusing on the good is great but don't say don't complain.

amother

Opal

Fri, Apr 19 2024, 8:10 am

amother Daisy wrote:

Still better than being a Hsmas hostage or an IDF soldier putting your life on the line...get a grip. You still have choices

amother

Dahlia

Fri, Apr 19 2024, 8:15 am

amother Daisy wrote:

Absolutely right

amother

IndianRed

Fri, Apr 19 2024, 8:21 am

amother OP wrote:

Last year, we were staying in difficult accommodations at my in laws and my brother in law on the first night of yt spoke about being grateful and not complaining (I forgot how it tied in to the Seder). I kept that thought with my throughout yt and it was so beneficial. Instead of complaining I focused on the good.

This year so many people have so many challenges as we see on this forum. I am posting this thought from Rabbi Efren Goldberg that I plan to keep front and center in my mind this yt in case it can be helpful for anyone reading:

“Many IDF soldiers, including my beloved nephew, found out they won't be home with their family for Pesach leaving them with a tremendous feeling of lamah nigara, why should we lose out?!

If you are with your family for Pesach, if you have them all accounted for and know their whereabouts, make an extra effort this year not to complain about making Pesach or the cost of Pesach. Do so with joy, gratitude and most of all with heartfelt prayer that the hostages will be home by Pesach & that our soldiers are safe, successful & can return home.”

I see this approach- ‘be grateful because others are worse off’ speaks to the older generation, but NOT the younger. The younger prefer listening ears and validation- which imamother is often great at/ for.

Cheiny

Fri, Apr 19 2024, 1:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

On that note, I’ve also been thinking about those poor hostages who will be spending Pesach in a dark tunnel, under who knows what kind of horrific conditions. Just being free and having our basic needs alone is so much to be grateful for…

Cheiny

Fri, Apr 19 2024, 1:49 pm

amother IndianRed wrote:

I think that’s an inaccurate generalization. It doesn’t depend on age as a rule.

amother

Lime

Fri, Apr 19 2024, 3:16 pm

Appreciation for the good we have in our lives, instead of focusing on the bad, is great and a wonderful coping method. It’s how I survive.

That being said, it’s not really anyone’s place to tell somebody not to stress or care about xyz because there are others out there worse off. Everyone has challenges and everyone is entitled to feel how they feel about that. If they want to focus on the good, that is their decision. It won’t come from other people telling them they need to be grateful..

There is ALWAYS someone worse off than you. Even Hamas hostages- at least they are alive, there have been other hostages in history who have been so brutally tortured you can’t even describe it. IDF soldiers- at least they aren’t hostages. I am BY NO MEANS invalidating their horrific experiences and the suffering they are going through! I daven for everyone to be safe and this war to end. I am merely pointing out that you can take any situation and compare it to something worse, but that’s not fair to the person experiencing it. They deserve to grieve for what they are going through, same as anyone else. And if they choose to be grateful instead of bitter or stressed, only they can choose to do that.

zaq

Fri, Apr 19 2024, 3:16 pm

I, for one, will try to keep the hostages and IDF and their families in mind. I, for one, do find that considering all the people who have real tzores gives me a better perspective as to my own--well, I have to call them dissatisfactions and discomforts because in comparison I can't call them tzores. I, for one, thank OP for the reminder. Because even though I daven and say Tehillim for the hostages, IDF, and all of Am Yisrael every day, it's still possible to keep them on the back burner and let our own petty or not so petty issues push themselves to center stage.