Just don’t feel like getting an engagement ring

Goldengoose

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 1:22 pm

I love jewelry and wear rings daily when out of the house but I never wear my engagement ring, sometimes to simchas but that's it.
I don't have a reason it's just what I do.
OP, if you don't care for one, don't get one. it's not a must.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 1:25 pm

ima_bima wrote:

I never got nor wanted an engagement ring. Just a plain gold wedding band. I thought it was halachically problemtatic to receive a ring before the wedding?

Officially its from the Chassons parents so its not problematic.

essie14

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 2:20 pm

I know a lot of women who don't own a diamond ring, or don't wear it, or don't wear any rings.
They're all equally married.
Not a requirement at all.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 2:31 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Officially its from the Chassons parents so its not problematic.

Not by everyone. By many its officially from the chatan himself.

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 2:34 pm

I never wanted a ring. Felt it was a waste of money. Was told (by my parents, my friends, my mentors) that I shouldn't tell him that. So he wasted his money (it was his, not his parents) on it.

I wore it out of obligation for a couple of years because I figured it was important to my dh. At some point I asked him and he said he really didn't care at all, he got it because he figured it was important to me. So now it sits in a box in my nightstand. I should really put it in the safety deposit box.

Money is now tight. Honestly, maybe I can use it one day to sell it so I can marry of one of my kids. I'd never tell my parents or in-laws, though. They'd be shocked.

It's just a ring. Give the money to tzedakah. Or buy something with it that you would really appreciate. Or buy someone for someone else that will bring you closer to them. No reason to waste money on something. Ignore the busybodies who might stare at your finger and wonder. Who cares about them?

KJP

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 4:12 pm

ima_bima wrote:

Ahh that makes sense, Im a lubavitcher.
Whatever money was saved on the ring got spent on the sheitel lol

I'm Chabad, I got an engagement ring in the yichud room. All my friends did too.

effess

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 4:19 pm

The diamond ring is not a minhag it’s a recent development.
None of my relatives had money for it and they didn’t get one. They didn’t get one later on when things got financially easier.
I know many young women who think it’s a waste of money and are asking their chosanim to skip it and use the money fir done thing they’ll enjoy.
I never wear mine unless I’m trying to dress up.
You’re in good company if you wear it and in good company if you don’t.

JasmineDragon

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 4:59 pm

I never wanted a diamond engagement ring - I picked a golf and amethyst ring from the rings my mother in law offered. I liked it, it had a bit of family history (it wasn't originally an engagement ring, but it had been her mother's), I wore it happily during the engagement.

After getting married I stopped wearing any rings at all. My engagement ring was the only thing I had to show I was engaged, once I got married I felt like covering my hair was a much more obvious sign than anything on my finger.

If you don't want to wear a ring, I don't see any reason to.

LeMortedeLilac

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 5:08 pm

This is something specific to each individual. For a lot of women, the ring is so tightly tied to the concept of marriage that not having an engagement and wedding ring would feel odd. Those married a long time are sometimes split. Those who care and those who don't. The ones who care often level up to infinity bands, larger engagement diamonds, etc. The ones who don't care sometimes stop wearing them entirely (from fingers swelling during pregnancy or finding wearing them a hassle, etc.). Personally, I have a very bling set that I wear for work as a professional where status is expected. Otherwise, I usually don't even wear my rings. Their heavy and bulky. Also, there is a real risk of being robbed. In my own time, if I feel like wearing a ring at all, I have a super thin, minimalist diamond band that serves as a wedding band. Done. It's so thin and light, I forget it's there. To each his own on this one.

zaq

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 6:47 pm

I don't understand the question. No one can force you to wear jewelry you don't want. And as far as I am concerned , an engagement ring is a discreet (or not, if the ring is ostentatious) way for a young lady to signal her soon-to-be-married status. Once she has a plain gold band on her finger, the engagement ring is superfluous. Getting an "engagement" ring when you're already married is rather like applying for your GED after getting your Ph.D. What's the point?
ETA: Even if you were seventeen and getting engaged for the first time in your life , I would advise against getting a ring you don't want. There's no need to advertise your status unless you want to. And the diamond solitaire is not even a universal symbol. Some women prefer colored stones--the sapphire ring the late Princess Diana chose being one of the most famous--and those aren't immediately recognized as engagement rings because they aren't necessarily designed as such.

kenz

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 6:59 pm

Of course you don’t have to. Get whatever makes you happy! If that’s jewelry, pick what you like. If it’s something else, go for it!

Last edited by kenz on Tue, Nov 28 2023, 7:56 pm; edited 1 time in total