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Forum
-> The Social Scene
-> Chit Chat
wigboutique
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 Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:12 pm
I've exhausted myself so much on trying to find a perfect ring, and have given up on it. I feel like everyone wants to have one because it's more of a social custom, especially in upper class circles, or to those who are into style. I really don't feel like I need one. It's been several years since I've married, my original rings (not really costly) got lost. My husband and I earn enough now hodu l’Hashem, but regardless I would get a moissanite or lab diamond. I am sensitive to feeling stuff on my skin so previous rings I had gave me a sense of discomfort. I have a beautiful gold ring that I wear on my pointer finger. My question is, for the sake of appearing to be married, Is that enough? What does the klal think? Is it a must to have an engagement ring on your ring finger? What’s your take? I read before on the forums here that a lot of women unfortunately try to guess strangers’ marital status based on whether they had a ring or not. What do you think?
TIA
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Israeli
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:13 pm
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I never wear my engagement ring or wedding band. I'm very sensory and jewelery drives me nuts.
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scruffy
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:15 pm
I lost mine and just wear a wedding band.
I didn't wear the band during pregnancy though since my fingers were swollen.
There are lots of married women who don't wear any rings, for a variety of reasons. If you don't want one you don't need to get one.
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Genius
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:20 pm
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You can wear a tichel on your head so everyone knows you’re married 😉. It’s cheaper too.
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Olive
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:22 pm
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I only wear rings for special occasions like a wedding.
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wigboutique
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:23 pm
| Genius wrote: | | You can wear a tichel on your head so everyone knows you’re married 😉. It’s cheaper too. |
A lot of divorced women still cover
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HH613
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:24 pm
If it’s not going to make you happy and it’s going to get you annoyed because of the sensation there’s no reason you need to. .
Re wearing a tichel- it may not indicate a current marriage but could make people think she was previously married.
I do use rings as contextual clues to see if someone is married but I don’t necessarily assume that if they’re covering their hair but have no rings that they’re not married. But it’s definitely going to make me think that it’s possible they’re divorced.
When I was pregnant with swollen fingers I got fake rings because I love wearing my diamond ring and I want to look married.
All that being said, you do you!
Last edited by HH613 on Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:24 pm; edited 1 time in total
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wigboutique
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:24 pm
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Appreciate all the responses!
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shabbatiscoming
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:25 pm
| wigboutique wrote: | I've exhausted myself so much on trying to find a perfect ring, and have given up on it. I feel like everyone wants to have one because it's more of a social custom, especially in upper class circles, or to those who are into style. I really don't feel like I need one. It's been several years since I've married, my original rings (not really costly) got lost. My husband and I earn enough now hodu l’Hashem, but regardless I would get a moissanite or lab diamond. I am sensitive to feeling stuff on my skin so previous rings I had gave me a sense of discomfort. I have a beautiful gold ring that I wear on my pointer finger. My question is, for the sake of appearing to be married, Is that enough? What does the klal think? Is it a must to have an engagement ring on your ring finger? What’s your take? I read before on the forums here that a lot of women unfortunately try to guess strangers’ marital status based on whether they had a ring or not. What do you think?
TIA |
Its not even a must to have an engagement ring at all. I know a few women who didnt even want engagement rings at all.
And many dont wear engagement or wedding rings.
There is no requirement.
Do whst you feel is right, for YOU.
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ima_bima
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:29 pm
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I never got nor wanted an engagement ring. Just a plain gold wedding band. I thought it was halachically problemtatic to receive a ring before the wedding?
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scruffy
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:30 pm
| ima_bima wrote: | | I never got nor wanted an engagement ring. Just a plain gold wedding band. I thought it was halachically problemtatic to receive a ring before the wedding? |
I think that's only a Chabad thing. Every other community (AFAIK) gets a ring when they get engaged or during engagement.
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shabbatiscoming
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:33 pm
| scruffy wrote: | | I think that's only a Chabad thing. Every other community (AFAIK) gets a ring when they get engaged or during engagement. |
But as I said above (and was hugged, not sure why) there are women who dont want a ring.
And thats fine too.
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ima_bima
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:35 pm
| scruffy wrote: | | I think that's only a Chabad thing. Every other community (AFAIK) gets a ring when they get engaged or during engagement. |
Ahh that makes sense, Im a lubavitcher.
Whatever money was saved on the ring got spent on the sheitel lol
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:)iknowit
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:47 pm
I can’t stand wearing jewelry. I wear my wedding band on a thin necklace that doesn’t bother me. It’s against my skin, it’s not seen but I like the symbolism.
Just saying you do you. No need to wear anything you don’t want to.
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Genius
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:48 pm
Yes that does pose as a problem. It’s not toras moshe misinai to wear a ring, so you really don’t have to.
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Unigala
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:50 pm
I cant imagine why someone wouldn't want a gorgeous engagement ring.
but thats just me!! you for sure dont have to get one if you wouldn't enjoy it..
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ima_bima
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:52 pm
| Genius wrote: | | Yes that does pose as a problem. It’s not toras moshe misinai to wear a ring, so you really don’t have to. |
A few years ago, when pregnancy made my fingers swell, I asked my Rav if I must wear my wedding ring and he said yes. He said to get it resized if needed but that it wasnt optional, so I did.
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Genius
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:56 pm
| ima_bima wrote: | | A few years ago, when pregnancy made my fingers swell, I asked my Rav if I must wear my wedding ring and he said yes. He said to get it resized if needed but that it wasnt optional, so I did. |
Interesting. I would never think to ask about it. I wonder if this is a widely accepted opinion.
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HH613
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 12:56 pm
| ima_bima wrote: | | A few years ago, when pregnancy made my fingers swell, I asked my Rav if I must wear my wedding ring and he said yes. He said to get it resized if needed but that it wasnt optional, so I did. |
Why not buy cheap fake rings for pregnancy? Seems like a hassle and expense to get them resized and then presumably needing to size back down post birth?
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ima_bima
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Tue, Nov 28 2023, 1:09 pm
| HH613 wrote: | | Why not buy cheap fake rings for pregnancy? Seems like a hassle and expense to get them resized and then presumably needing to size back down post birth? |
I wish they went back to normal afterwards!! It was worth the 100 shekels to size up. Will probably not be my last size up 
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