How can I get out of hosting guests?

amother

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 6:34 am

I don't generally like hosting guests.
Of course there are exceptions, like family and close friends.

But we tend to get a lot of requests from people asking if they can come stay by us.
( for a night, a shabbat, a yom tov, a week, a month even)
Often these are people we barely know, or a 'friend of a friend", sometimes outright strangers.
We live in Eretz Yisroel , and I understand that a lot of people come here and accommodations are expensive.
But I am an introvert, and even though I have space in the house, BH, I do not enjoy having people over, socializing, entertaining etc.
It is very emotionally draining for me.
How can I say no nicely?
Especially when it's not "no not right now, I mean no probably not ever, - also not next time you visit EY either."

I feel like I'm so mean, and also have a conflict of "hachnasa orchim" so I feel like I "should" host, even though I almost never want to.

Anyone get me?

amother

Antiquewhite

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 6:36 am

What about “we’re not really up to hosting right now but if that changes anytime in the near future I’ll let you know”?

Would you feel comfortable/able to ask someone else in your community if they can host? If so maybe you can help in that way?

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 7:00 am

amother OP wrote:

I don't have this problem but there's are times when you don't have to be so nice. You are not a hotel. Sorry. No. Just no. Lama? Kacha. You don't need to explain anything to anyone.
Accommodations are expensive and it's not your problem. Don't let others turn their problems into yours.

amother

Ultramarine

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 7:45 am

So we've gotten several requests to host teens who are here for high school or gap year programs. No problem. But some of the programs expect you to have the kids from Thursday night through Sunday morning. Sorry, we work here on Sunday. I'd be much more willing if it was just shabbat. I do it when I can but if I can't I can't.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 9:35 am

I totally get you. I hate hosting - even family and friends. It's a huge challenge of living in EY that people just expect you to host when they come. They do not consider how draining it is - just like I didn't when I was a seminary girl desperate for shabbos plans.

I don't get called by random friend of a friend's though. That sounds so challenging. A month?? Actually? I know you feel guilty because it's expensive for people to pay for places to stay, but like someone said above, not your fault. I really feel like if it's very difficult for you, you don't have to do it. When I feel like it's not very difficult, just a little inconvenient, I try to push myself to say yes.

I once had a non religious shabbos guest acquaintance. I felt like I had to have her and she completely drained my energy, monopolizing my time and asking inappropriate questions. On motzai shabbos she wanted to stay and I just said no. I was working Sunday morning and I just needed to breathe, and I knew she didn't get it because she was enjoying the human connection so much and I was just counting the minutes till she left. Such a big challenge. I know hachnosas orchim is a huge mitzvah and I find it so incredibly difficult!

essie14

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 10:43 am

I made aliyah when I was single and all of a sudden random acquaintances were asking if they could stay with me. I was working full time and living with a roommate.
"Sorry, it won't work out"
Now that I'm married we get requests from random people asking us to host their seminary/yeshiva kids and if we have no relationship with them, we decline.
We love hosting children of our friends or relatives and happily extend invitations to them.