ADHD | Imamother

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

ADHD

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amother ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 5:59 am

I'm looking for support and advice.
My son (age 9) has ADHD. everything I read on ADHD fits him 100% and I have refused to take him to a nurologist because I am against medicine and my dh is even more against it.
The problem is he is suffering (terrible self esteem , no friends + more), and we are suffering as he can get into these times where he is impossible and this hurts the whole family. (and other times he can be a delicious angel which just confuses us more)
I'm not sure what to do - at this point I wonder if getting him tested properly and possibly putting him on medicine is the right thing to do - if this would help him stay under control and then be able to feel good about himself and make friends - maybe it's just what he needs? but is it possible to put a child on it just for a few years? Does it work like this? I'd like input if there are any other mothers out there - I'm not interested in hearing about how your neighbors child calmed down - I want to know mothers who saw the good and bad of medicine and still felt it saved their child or didn't. I'm sure I'm not the only one like this. He also has many other issues that I'm not sure if they are related to ADHD or not. I don't want to put him on medicine just because I need to work on my patience level but maybe maybe he really needs it and it would help him succeed and I am wrong as a mother not to. I just want to do the right thing as a caring mother.

ShakleeMom ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 9:57 am

You need a child psychiatrist, not a neurologist. Think for a moment and compare ADHD to diabetes. your child was born with it, it's not circumstantial. it's not related to a new baby being born, it's not related to this year';s teacher being inexperienced. Your child needs help while he will still learn something from it. Are you waiting for puberty to hit when nothing will any longer? Help him, while you can! nobody is saying meds are the only way. people have been helped with vitamins, chiropractors... but you've got to do something or you are failing your child!

imasinger ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 10:06 am

First of all, (((HUGS))) As a parent of a teen with ADHD, I know how hard it is for you, as well as for him.

Here's my story. We were asked to have him tested at age 3, when his preschool class went on a field trip, and the teacher said, "It took two chaperones to look after your DS, and one for all the rest of the class." We went to our pediatrician, who said, "He doesn't have ADD; don't worry."

Two years later, having moved, we were again asked by a school to have him evaluated. This time, we did, and it was very clear to all that he had ADHD. Our pediatrician started us on a tiny dose of medication (Ritalin). The difference was immediate. He could enjoy sitting and playing with his toys at home. However, we were still getting reports of trouble at school. Eventually, we figured out that the dose was wearing off after just a couple of hours, and the "rebound effect" made things even worse.

We tried a bunch of other approaches, because of that rebound effect. We tried dietary changes (Feingold diet), which was awful, because it took away some of the only fruits and veggies that DS would eat. And it didn't change anything for us (though many others say it has helped them tremendously).

We tried neurofeedback, where the brain is supposed to be trained to work more effectively. DS said it helped him achieve the most relaxed state he had ever experienced, but it still didn't make his life any easier.

We tried other medications, but still had difficulty with the rebound.

Finally, we had him retested, and on the suggestion of the examiner, found a crackerjack psychopharmacologist and also a really great psychologist. The combination of having an expert to help us find the best solutions from medication, plus the counseling really helped over the years. DS almost was kicked out of 2 different schools for his issues. Now, b"H, he is doing well, has friends, and is getting straight A's.

IMO, the sensible thing to do is get a good evaluation, and good doctors to help you through the next stage. You won't regret it.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 10:29 am

can you post the name of the dr. that worked with your child?

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 10:32 am

Get a good psychologist to evaluate him -- they won't necessarily throw medication at him right away. Sometimes behavior modification techniques are tried before resorting to medication. I don't know anything about your household, but sometimes changing the way you structure your life in several ways can help immediately. You can express your reservations about medication to the professional -- if they respond unpleasantly then you know to look for someones who is at least open about trying other methods first. Remember, you probably will need to seriously consider it at some point, so try to keep an open mind. This is for the good of your child -- if he was ill, you'd give him the appropriate medication if mom's chicken soup didn't do the job.

↑ ShakleeMom ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 10:56 am

amother wrote:

can you post the name of the dr. that worked with your child?

Where are you located? The most qualified doctors rarely take insurance.

↑ imasinger ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 11:27 am

ShakleeMom wrote:

amother wrote:

can you post the name of the dr. that worked with your child?

Where are you located? The most qualified doctors rarely take insurance.

Yup. I'm OOT, so probably not much help. We paid for the eval and the psychiatrist out of pocket. IMO, while it's better if you can work it through insurance, it's on a par with dayschool costs as a necessary part of raising a child.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 1:32 pm

op here .
I'm in Eretz Yisroel and don't know where to turn to. Everything with the kuppa takes so long.
Does anyone know here?
I tried vitamins but don't see much of a difference.

↑ ShakleeMom

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 1:36 pm

amother wrote:

op here .
I'm in Eretz Yisroel and don't know where to turn to. Everything with the kuppa takes so long.
Does anyone know here?
I tried vitamins but don't see much of a difference.

I will ask my Israeli friends for leads. In the meantime, put away lots of $$.

Marion

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 3:37 pm

And my own experience (not with ADD/ADHD) is run, as far as you can, from the kupah & hitpatchut hayeled!

If you want to PM me, I can try to put you in touch with my friend in Modi'in who started down this road last year with her (now) 7 year old.

Tamiri ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 3:47 pm

amother wrote:

op here .
I'm in Eretz Yisroel and don't know where to turn to. Everything with the kuppa takes so long.
Does anyone know here?
I tried vitamins but don't see much of a difference.

Try and contact NITZAN (non profit educational institution) and see if they will administer the TOVA test, which is the guideline for finding out if your child has ADD. They may have psychologists on staff to do these evals. I just can't remember. I imagine that the Raanana chapter has English speaking staff. A word of caution: everything costs!
http://eng.nitzan-israel.org.il/

↑ Tamiri ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 3:49 pm

I see from their website that there is ADD consulting.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 4:24 pm

Quote:

And my own experience (not with ADD/ADHD) is run, as far as you can, from the kupah & hitpatchut hayeled!

why?

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 4:27 pm

Quote:

I see from their website that there is ADD consulting.

where did you see this? I couldn't find reference to this.
I am really very confused at what my next step should be or if I should just do nothing and continue trying to just show love which doesn't seem to be helping as he is just getting depressed and more impossible.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 7:57 pm

Does anyone know a good neurologist or child psychologist (frum male) in the NY city area - not brooklyn

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 8:00 pm

amother wrote:

Does anyone know a good neurologist or child psychologist (frum male) in the NY city area - not brooklyn

Dr. Daniel Hollander
908 9th Ave
Brooklyn NY USA
Phone: 718-986- 7692

is the only frum one I know that is worth the cash

lizard8

Mon, Oct 19 2009, 2:35 am

Go for the medication, its best for your child. Once your child is on the proper medication, both of you will be so much more relaxed...

↑ Tamiri

Mon, Oct 19 2009, 7:07 am

amother wrote:

Quote:

I see from their website that there is ADD consulting.

In the Hebrew part, look up בעיות קשב וריכוז

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Oct 19 2009, 12:51 pm

I hope someone can use this information:

I married into a family where my father in law and my husband are ADHD. My sister in law is also, and in every one of my husband's siblings families, there is at least one with ADHD and or dyslexia.

Growing up, my in laws did NOT understand my husband, and would beat him senseless sometimes, because in those days, who knew what ADHD was? What happened? My husband has bad self esteem and self image.
My sister in law was less pronounced so as a result, she did NOT get treated in the same way my husband did.

I have 2 nephews who are REALLY struggling with it, from two different sister in laws.

Both are REALLY sweet, caring, loving boys. Just its hard on my sister in laws because for years, they did not know what the problem was, so now that they are in the know, the damage has been done...both the boys have a horrible feeling of no self worth, they are socially unsure of themselves, and worst of all, they feel as though they are "bad" because of all the punishments they received before diagnosis.

That being said, one of my nephews needs medication, one does not. The one that does NOT recieve, his mother said if the day came he had to be medicated, she would NOT hesitate to do it, because thats what is going to make his life easier. Think of it as the same as someone with a horrible illness that needs medicine: in order to be productive, its a necessity, NOT a luxury.

At the end of the day, I also want to share: My husband and my sister in law are very successful in their professions. They are an active part of the frum community, full of chesed and love for another Jew. When asked how they do so much chesed and still continue to b"h bring in a parnassa, they both reply "Hashem bentched us with ADHD! We can do 20 mitzvos at once!!!!"

↑ imasinger

Mon, Oct 19 2009, 1:43 pm

amother wrote:

At the end of the day, I also want to share: My husband and my sister in law are very successful in their professions. They are an active part of the frum community, full of chesed and love for another Jew. When asked how they do so much chesed and still continue to b"h bring in a parnassa, they both reply "Hashem bentched us with ADHD! We can do 20 mitzvos at once!!!!"

This is so beautiful! I'm going to save it and share it with DS someday.

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