dd's social issues

amother ↓

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 9:15 am

DD is 7 and in 2nd grade. She is an oldest child and very independent and responsible. She usually has a very friendly happy manner.

Last year, she was very close with a girl in her class. A third girl tried joining into their friendship but 3's a crowd and the two other girls started leaving out dd. At first it wasnt too bad, although dd was jealous but the original friend still tried to spend some time with dd. At some point there was a shift in the friendship and the two other girls started teasing dd, calling her names and even pushing her around, making faces, etc. The last two weeks of school were pretty bad, dd cried every day and didnt want to go. The teacher was involved but it didnt get to the school counselor b/c the situation only got really bad at the very end of the school year.

This year, the first few weeks were very difficult for dd. she was terrified to start school already anticipating their behavior towards her. unfortunately the other girls have continued the bad behavior towards her and it has gotten even worse. now that the principal, teacher, school counselor and the parents are all involved it helps dd feels a little more secure, but it has created a nasty cycle of bullying. (they bother dd. dd tells the counselor. the girls get in trouble. the girls come back to dd upset that she got them in trouble...)

We have tried a few things so far, beside meeting with all the involved parties. We have moved her seat in class to get them away from her and to keep dd near the teacher. I have strongly encouraged friendships with other girls in the class so she will be less dependent on these two girls. We have spent a lot of time talking to dd, trying to strengthen her emotionally, boost her confidence in school.

There is a second class and we are debating whether to switch dd into the other class. I feel like this is punishing the victim. Let the perpetrators be shifted into the other class. Or at least let one of the other girls be moved, so that if the two of them arent together all the time. But I am afraid this may antagonize them further. In the classroom things may improve, but dd is still terrified during recess.

DD now has stigma in the classroom as a crybaby and I am very worried that this is affecting her self-esteem. she used to be so capable and assertive and she has been majorly affected by this. how do I know if I should have her see a therapist? she still acts reasonably the same at home. just the mornings and when she gets home from school are very difficult for her. but I know she is suffering part of the day during school and that is so painful as a parent to see.

any advice?

SingALong

Mon, Oct 12 2009, 11:49 pm

when my dd had a bullying issue (it sounds like this is) I got her the book "stop picking on me" it helped put things into perspective for her. there are many bully books out there and I felt that was appropriate for her age and brought out concepts tha ti wanted her to know.
also the idea that you are encouraging other friendships is the first thing I would do as well. please make playdates with her if possible outside of school so that other girls can get to know her in an environment where she is more secure and will be more like herself, thereby being a more attractive playmate.

maybe teach her a different reaction for her to do when they antagonize her? crying seems to egg them on. practice it with her. role play pretend, act out the scene of them bullying and have her do the alternative reaction. teach her coping skills like she should say 5 things she's good at/like to do every night before she goes to sleep. im reaching here but I think that anything you do to build her sefl confidence would help

good luck

and where is the teacher during recess?