How do you give chizuk when you hear sad news?

emhabonimsmecha ↓

Yesterday at 11:33 am

Hi

My friend just told me she is divorced. I was so shocked. I wish I knew how to give her chizuk but I was at a loss...

Please help me know what to do next time!

Cheiny ↓

Yesterday at 11:35 am

emhabonimsmecha wrote:

Hi

My friend just told me she is divorced. I was so shocked. I wish I knew how to give her chizuk but I was at a loss...

Please help me know what to do next time!

Just let her know you are there for her, if she feels like talking, or if you can be helpful in some way. Don’t ask what happened or compel her to discuss anything she may not feel comfortable sharing.
A nice gesture, like inviting her out for lunch or to your home for a meal, would be nice…

↑ emhabonimsmecha ↓

Yesterday at 11:36 am

She was so uncomfortable. I feel so bad! She is my work-mate and I don't have any connection to her besides for at work we're good friends.

↑ Cheiny

Yesterday at 11:39 am

emhabonimsmecha wrote:

She was so uncomfortable. I feel so bad! She is my work-mate and I don't have any connection to her besides for at work we're good friends.

So just continue being friendly, do not show her you pity her as if she’s a Nebach case. Just be a friend.

↑ emhabonimsmecha ↓

Yesterday at 11:39 am

I don't know what to say to her.. My mind is going blank. She is not a nebach and I told her wow! you can't tell on you! I hope she wasn't insulted but I'm so uncomfortable...

Genius

Yesterday at 11:41 am

I don't know if she needs chizzuk. I would take it as her sharing her status and nothing more. Continue being the good friend you are. And if it seems appropriate you can extend an invitation to a Shabbos meal or the like. I don't think this has to be a huge deal.

ALLiaDT ↓

Yesterday at 11:43 am

Thanks for sharing. Let me know if there is something I can help you with. Only say this, if you mean it.

↑ emhabonimsmecha ↓

Yesterday at 11:45 am

ALLiaDT wrote:

Thanks for sharing. Let me know if there is something I can help you with. Only say this, if you mean it.

But what can I help her with?

I wish I could really say something that would make her comfortable.

↑ ALLiaDT

Yesterday at 11:45 am

emhabonimsmecha wrote:

But what can I help her with?

I wish I could really say something that would make her comfortable.

We can't know, only she can. Asking her how you can help allows her to ask you for the help she needs. It may be a shabbos meal, or it may be walking around a mall. It really shouldn't impact your relationship so much. Best thing is to just keep on being the friend you've always been to her. Seems like she trusts you since she wanted to share with you.

Last edited by ALLiaDT on Tue, Dec 24 2024, 11:51 am; edited 1 time in total

cheese cake ↓

Yesterday at 11:47 am

emhabonimsmecha wrote:

But what can I help her with?

I wish I could really say something that would make her comfortable.

Invite her for meals, if she has kids you could offer a play date so she has time for herself. Just tell her that you’re there for her and ask if there’s anything specific she needs help with.

↑ emhabonimsmecha

Yesterday at 11:51 am

cheese cake wrote:

Invite her for meals, if she has kids you could offer a play date so she has time for herself. Just tell her that you’re there for her and ask if there’s anything specific she needs help with.

That will make her feel good?
If I would be going thru something hard I would want to be validated and to hear some chizuk and also to hear that I'm not a nebach.

I just never went thru something like this, nor do I know anyone close who did so I don't have anything to say Sad

↑ cheese cake

Yesterday at 11:52 am

emhabonimsmecha wrote:

That’s why you should be asking her what she would appreciate. We could only give general ideas.