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Forum
-> Working Women
-> Teachers' Room
amother
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 Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:13 pm
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If a teacher touches a student by placing their hand on a the students chest when she says" look into your heart" considered possible molestation? High school girl doesn't know what to make of this feels uncomfortable ...closed door room only them...DMC type of convo
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Molly Weasley
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:15 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | If a teacher touches a student by placing their hand on a the students chest when she says" look into your heart" considered possible molestation? High school girl doesn't know what to make of this feels uncomfortable ...closed door room only them...DMC type of convo |
The act itself is not molestation, but something that this teacher often does, then I would look into it.
Obviously, if she feels uncomfortable with it, the teacher should be informed, and should stop.
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amother
Ultramarine
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:16 pm
Not ok.
I had a very touchy principal in hs, and the most she touched was upper back, or arm
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scruffy
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:16 pm
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Definitely a breach of boundaries and inappropriate. I don't know if I would go as far as molestation.
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amother
DarkCyan
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:17 pm
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I would be uncomfortable. I don't think a teacher should be having conversations with students where it's "only them, closed door" and especially not physically touching them. Big red flag.
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amother
Cyclamen
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:19 pm
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Highly inappropriate but not molestation
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amother
Springgreen
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:24 pm
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It’s just weird. Nothings more than that.
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Raizle
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:25 pm
If you asked this question 30,40 years ago would be very different. What concerns me is that in this era we expect all teachers to understand it's risky to do anything that can be perceived that way.
It's very likely it could have been innocent, she's overly touchy or something.
Probably not molestation but she should know better. Especially closed room, private conversation.
Could also be cultural maybe?
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amother
Brown
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:35 pm
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Sorry but there should be a policy which doesn't allow closed doors. At all. And windows in every door.
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observer
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:37 pm
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Highly inappropriate to touch a HS girl's chest.
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AlwaysGrateful
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:38 pm
The bottom line is I would encourage the teen to listen to her own feelings and set boundaries accordingly, not to villify the teacher.
I remember when a teacher who I really respected was talking to me privately, and she touched my forehead (as an illustration for something, I don't remember what, but it made sense in context). It made me feel special and connected to her. At the time, I remember thinking that as a teacher, I will make sure to touch my students like that, just to build the connection. I planned to be a teacher, and I was always looking for "tips" from my favorite teachers at the time.
Now, looking back, I would guess that the same teacher would not do that nowadays. And in some ways it's a shame. There is a power in touch, and it would be great if teachers were able to access that power to connect with their students.
At the same time, I understand why it wouldn't be okay, especially in the chest area. And I guess it's worth giving up that level of connection if it leads to potentially horrific things, even if it's only a small percentage of the time. I guess. It just makes me sad to think about.
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BatAvrohom
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:42 pm
Teacher here. There is no way I touch any child except to comfort them if they’re crying etc (I teach 11-18 but it occasionally happens and of course it’s natural to give a brief hug or shoulder rub). If teaching sport, the protocol is to say to the child “can I put my hand here to show you how to hold the bat?” or whatever. During training, we are advised to never see a child alone without being visible through an open door, even for confidential conversations (there’s enough background noise in schools for this to be possible).
This teacher needs further training about safeguarding. Even where there is no bad intent, they are exposing themselves to the risk of being misconstrued. If there is bad intent, then this will serve as a warning shot. Speak to the principal and follow up. Best case scenario, the teacher receives further training and apologises to your daughter. No further issues and we all move on happily. However, you cannot be sure that this is the only thing this teacher is doing. Please G-d it isn’t, but you owe it to all parties to raise it privately with the safeguarding lead or principal of the school.
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BatAvrohom
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 1:52 pm
| Raizle wrote: | If you asked this question 30,40 years ago would be very different. What concerns me is that in this era we expect all teachers to understand it's risky to do anything that can be perceived that way.
It's very likely it could have been innocent, she's overly touchy or something.
Probably not molestation but she should know better. Especially closed room, private conversation.
Could also be cultural maybe? |
It’s nice of you to be concerned for teachers, but honestly we would all rather make sure everyone felt as comfortable and safe as is reasonably possible. It’s no great hardship for teachers to keep our hands to ourselves! The convention is to ask “can I give you a hug?” if a high school child is upset and otherwise to not touch them at all. Exceptions apply for music teachers or sports - obviously they may need to touch a child to correct their technique.
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amother
Melon
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 2:01 pm
| scruffy wrote: | | Definitely a breach of boundaries and inappropriate. I don't know if I would go as far as molestation. |
Not molestation but may be grooming and that's dangerous.
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mom_13
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 3:51 pm
| AlwaysGrateful wrote: | The bottom line is I would encourage the teen to listen to her own feelings and set boundaries accordingly, not to villify the teacher.
I remember when a teacher who I really respected was talking to me privately, and she touched my forehead (as an illustration for something, I don't remember what, but it made sense in context). It made me feel special and connected to her. At the time, I remember thinking that as a teacher, I will make sure to touch my students like that, just to build the connection. I planned to be a teacher, and I was always looking for "tips" from my favorite teachers at the time.
Now, looking back, I would guess that the same teacher would not do that nowadays. And in some ways it's a shame. There is a power in touch, and it would be great if teachers were able to access that power to connect with their students.
At the same time, I understand why it wouldn't be okay, especially in the chest area. And I guess it's worth giving up that level of connection if it leads to potentially horrific things, even if it's only a small percentage of the time. I guess. It just makes me sad to think about. |
It should never be on a child to set boundaries with an adult. Adults need to know and do better.
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amother
Aqua
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 5:27 pm
Please don’t touch your students unless you know 100% they would appreciate it
And only light touches on the arm or shoulder is ok never chest I don’t care what you’re trying to illustrate
I hate physical touch I hate when random people hug or kiss me (like by a party) I hate when teachers touched me even if it was for a second I never said anything but I definitely would’ve like it better if they didn’t
And yes adults should be asking before touching someone if it’s to show something (like hitting with bat) or to comfort if they’re crying it’s not weird it’s basic decency to respect other’s boundaries
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Dolly Welsh
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 5:29 pm
Would you let someone do that to YOU??
Uh no.
Is the girl less than you? No.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 5:40 pm
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The teen was me. 20 yrs ago and it still bothers me which is why I'm asking
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amother
Tealblue
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 5:45 pm
Touch should be with permission unless dangerous situation going on.
Even to check temp, I ask my student first, would you mind if I feel your forehead?
Never without asking
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amother
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Mon, Dec 23 2024, 5:47 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | The teen was me. 20 yrs ago and it still bothers me which is why I'm asking |
I'm sorry this happened to you.
It was not ok!!!
Which part of the memory bothers you today? You deserve to heal from it
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