Is my boss toxic? | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 3:11 pm

Second time I've scheduled a meeting with her so I can discuss a raise.

both times, she started off the meeting with telling me what I'm doing wrong and where I need to improve - before I even opened my mouth.

I'm hurt and confused. I'm thinking of leaving. But I really need the money.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 3:24 pm

amother Dahlia wrote:

She does seem mean.
Did she also mention the good things you're doing? Is she appreciating your work?

No mention of good work. She mentioned that she is hiring someone to help out with my workload for now for things that went wrong that were not my responsibility[I].

I tried explaining to her that if the higher ups didn't give me the correct info about the tasks at hand, or if the client isn't clear of their specifications, there isn't much for me to do about it - I work with what I have.

I don't know, I feel so lost.

amother

Bone

Yesterday at 3:27 pm

Every time you request a raise you are essentially opening yourself up for review. If you feel that she is blaming you for things that are not your fault or were out of your control, show her the proof. Try to get everything in writing so you can refer back to it if needed

justforfun87

Yesterday at 3:34 pm

Does she know you wanted to discuss a raise? Yea, she is probably doing this to avoid that. Every good boss/teacher should know you start with the praise and then give points to work on. How does she treat you outside these meetings? How long have you been there for? When was your last raise?

amother

↑ Dahlia

Yesterday at 3:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

I worked for several companies over the years. Your boss doesn't seem like a nice person. She could tell you any time when something isn't right she should correct you. To wait for this meeting to tell it all at once to your face, is mean and just a way to make you back off from asking for a raise. I'd also be hurt.

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 3:39 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

I'm there for a year.
We are a fully remote company so don't interact much in person

amother

Quince

Yesterday at 3:42 pm

Hard to tell. These are not the only possibilities, but two common ones:

1) She is happy with your performance, but is stingy and this is her strategy to continue to enjoy the benefits of your hard work for a lower rate.

2) She is unhappy with your performance, but she is unwilling to undergo the hassle and possible liability exposure of formally firing you. This is her strategy to move you along towards quitting.

amother

Tuberose

Yesterday at 4:53 pm

This isn't the nicest way to do it, but I don't know if it is toxic.

I am in middle management at my company and HR was just telling us that if someone asks for a raise and you aren't giving it to them, you have to tell them what needs improvement. It could just be that your boss is doing that (even if not in the nicest way, the points themselves may be valid).

However, criticism should be constructive. Is your boss giving you ideas of how you can improve these things? Is it possible there is constructive criticism in there but you have a hard time distniguishing? Sometimes bosses give constructive criticism and the employee can't see it. THat could be a problem with the boss, or it could be a weakness of the employee, or both. Since you can't change your boss (unfortunately), try thinking for yourself what you might be able to do to improve or what concrete things you can learn from your bosses critiques.

Good luck!