Suspended again | Imamother

amother

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:52 pm

My kid in middle school is suspended again from school. This happens once a year and they say my kid was so badly behaved and disturbing and ruining the learning for other kids and nothing they tried helped.
This is so damaging, my kid like lives up to this title.
Do I need a new school? Why can't they figure it out?

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

What have you been doing to try to help your child?

amother

Wheat ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

What are you doing to figure it out?

amother

Yolk

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 11:24 pm

amother Snowdrop wrote:

What have you been doing to try to help your child?

Yes, this was my first question. You and the school together need to try to work together to help your DS. What have you been doing? Ultimately it falls on you.

amother

Oleander ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 11:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP, you need to figure it out, not the school. What are you doing about the situation?

dena613

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 12:28 am

Your child is your achrayus.
Meaning, if he needs glasses, that's on you, not the school.
If he needs braces, that's on you, not the school.
Similarly, if he needs a neuropsych eval, or medication, or therapy, that's all in you, because ultimately he is your pikadon.

What have you done for your child? Does he have a diagnosis?

amother

Pearl

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 11:42 am

My son got sent home from school last year.
He ran away from the classroom without permission (he was 4) and the teachers needed to chase him around the school.
He deserved to be sent home, what he did was not only disruptive but dangerous.
I think the school was right in what they did.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 11:48 am

amother Pearl wrote:

Because 4 year olds are capable of understanding what adults can.

amother

↑ Wheat

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 12:55 pm

amother Pearl wrote:

Sorry but a 4 year old is not going to understand the consequences of being sent home.. I think the school should have communicated with you so you could get him to understand the danger (a 4 yr old being “disruptive” is normal and not cause for punishment) but sending him home is not the right thing to do in any case

amother

DarkOrange

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 1:18 pm

Assuming your child doesn't have a diagnosis then yes your school needs to provide the chinuch that you pay for. Unfortunately many yeshivas feel that chinuch is the job of the parents who are not witnessing the behavior, or a therapist if the parents won't take responsibility for the child's acting out. Sending him home is more of a message to you than to your child, you need to take off work, babysit, follow up with a perp walk (if they call you down before they allow him to return to class)
I have found that when you come on strong to the school, they usually back down but they will try to undermine you so be aware.

amother

Anemone

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 1:33 pm

This way of thinking is foreign to me. The whole "us" vs. "them" thing with the school.

If my child is having a hard time, for whatever reason, I want to help them. That means brainstorming with the teachers, calling in the principals if need be, coming up with ideas on my own. That means asking them to support me, and being willing to support them.

What is your son doing that's so bad? Was this based on one bad day, or was this just the last straw? Does he act like this at home too? If so, how do you address it? If not, what are his feelings towards school, and how can you/his teachers help with that?

If your son is actually disrupting the class on a regular basis, something has to change. Maybe it's the wrong class for him. Maybe he needs additional motivation to succeed. Maybe he needs other supports so he feels successful. Maybe it's as simple as a seat change. But you can't dump the responsibility on the school unless you've taken the time to figure out what's wrong and try to work with them to fix it...

amother

Steel

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 2:38 pm

My child BH behaves in school but got suspended (sent home for two days) from sleepaway camp for doing a particular prank....we worked with the camp (brought child home, talked it out with our kid, why kid was doing that, what kid could do to get out of getting into that situation, etc...) and were able to send child back with no further incident that summer, but we did switch to a different camp the following year. We felt there were reasons why our child was joining the kids making trouble in the first camp, and the change and a different environment was much better for child.

You have to evaluate why this is happening, why your child is being drawn to being the class troublemaker. Is it because of what goes on in school, or something else? What are the possibilities, and is another school with a different approach better for your child.

amother

↑ Oleander ↓

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 2:52 pm

amother DarkOrange wrote:

I disagree.
OP said that her son getting suspended, is an ongoing issue. It's not the first or 2nd time it happened. OP is blaming the school, when really it is her responsibility.

amother

↑ Oleander

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 3:33 pm

Mamushka wrote:

Being susspended once a year doesn't sound so bad to me. The kids I know, who got susspended, were susspended a few times a year.

I cannot imagine a school taking back a student that gets suspended afew times a year. I also can't think of any kid that I know that got suspended afew times a year. Maybe you're getting mixed up with a kid just being sent out of class?

↑ Mamushka

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 3:37 pm

amother Oleander wrote:

Nope, I didn't get mixed up. I guess where I live, it's different.

TwinsMommy

Wed, Nov 13 2024, 8:56 pm

Solidarity to the other 10 of you who voted yes, multiple times. Did y'all get expelled and switch schools? We did. Then the new school didn't work out either and he ended up homeschooling for 11th and 12th grade--- yippee.

Those on an IEP with a diagnosis--- if your kiddo is behavioral, don't bother trying the Jewish or private schools. Public school MUST provide a free and appropriate education. My son got dumped from PUBLIC school so THEY paid to send him to an expensive special ed charter. We kept him there from 4th through 10th because even though it wasn't a good fit academically, it was a GREAT fit otherwise. Other than academics--- a great school---- other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play? Smile

If your kiddo is suspended over and over again and they DON'T have a special ed diagnosis/ IEP....... why not? Do you not feel they need one? A lot of behavioral stuff is from adhd/ autism/ ODD/ etc etc etc.

And yes, I agree that the IEP team needs to consist of the school AND the parents equally. We all need to work hand in hand.

For those on IEPs already and in a therapeutic school already (or at least a public school)---- try an FBA/ BIP. Not that it worked for MY kid, but your mileage may vary.