If you have an preteen who's overweight and compulsive eate

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:25 pm

How do you approach it?

Until now I was more able to set limits, but she's getting to an age where it's not so age appropriate anymore for me to be policing her intake. The thing is, if it would be just her weight I wouldn't have a problem just accepting things the way they are, but she literally doesn't have a stop button when it comes to food and I'm finding myself so lost on what to say and what not to say.

I'm not singling her out from my other children, and I've always made it about being healthy and feeling full, never ever mentioned her weight or anything related, but I'm still not sure how much to step back if at all. On one hand it I feel like I'm micromanaging, on the other hand it's literally a chessed to her to gently put a stop to overeating.

Not looking for medical advice. Just really how much it's OK to interfere and what kinds of rules around food are considered reasonable, normal and appropriate in such a situation.

lamplighter ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 8:21 pm

Some of my food rules:
Take one portion and then wait a few minutes before taking more. Focusing on hunger cues. If you're still hungry you can have more. I have explained to my kids that it takes a few minutes for your body to feel it's fullness so it's good to pause and take a drink before checking in on your body to decide if you want more.
I also make my kids have protein at each meal. It doesn't have to be the protein I made but it must be protein. I think this is a healthy habit.
Also you never have to finish anything you no longer want it are no longer hungry for.

These are rules that I have implemented since always and for everyone.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 8:28 pm

lamplighter wrote:

Thanks. These are very fair and reasonable.
What if they're never hungry for protein?

And a much bigger issue for us is snacking between and after meals.

This dd is always "stuffed" after small portions of real food, but 15 minutes later she's asking for snacks, freeze pop, fruits, whatever. When she was younger it was easier to set limits like you didn't finish supper so you can't have an ices but she's getting really old for that Sad

amother

DarkRed

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 8:35 pm

You can still have limits with preteens. You can have house rules of healthy to unhealthy ratios, if you want x amount of junk you need to eat y amount of healthy food to stay healthy. Don’t make it about weight make it about health. The only food all my kids can eat freely are fruits, vegetables, and leftover real food in the fridge. You can say it’s a problem for the younger kids to see her snacking and you need to limit snacks between meals. I don’t see why her age means you can’t set schedules and rule amounts with her.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 8:46 pm

amother DarkRed wrote:

Good to know this is still OK.

amother

Pewter

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 8:59 pm

I have the same issue, and I got a dressing down today from yet another doctor of hers because she has a comorbidity that is impacted by her weight. I did take her to nutrition at some point, and I'm honestly embarrassed to take her again, especially since I myself am an emotional eater.

But what we are trying ourselves is to identify healthy things that she likes that I could have around to prepare for her. In my case BH she likes a lot of healthy foods, so I have to be more cognizant about keeping them around. The doctor also spoke to her directly about what she needs to do, and about the impact it could have on her if she doesn't, so she is aware of it. But we made a plan to have specific veggies around to eat with her meals, and also to make sure she eats breakfast, which is a challenge for her and for us, as my breakfast habits are lousy.

Don't have any more advice but OP know that you aren't alone!

↑ lamplighter

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 9:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

They don't have to be hungry for protein, they need to eat protein with every meal. That can be cheese, nuts, peanut butter, eggs...this makes a meal a meal. I don't consider them having eaten that meal if they don't have protein.

You can make house rules around snacks for sure. Fruits veggies nuts whenever you're hungry. Pantry snacks are for school or shabbos ,(or whatever your rule is).

I have taught my kids the concept that certain foods/snacks make you hungrier because of the chemicals in them. The more processed the more it confuses your hunger signals. I still allow them to eat it but we have talked about it. We are big into hunger cues, eating for hunger and enjoying your food. I never talk amounts with my kids.

I have a lot of diet trauma from childhood so I'm always trying to balance the limits vs controlling or CV shaming.

I do have one very overweight child.