S/o husband working long hours

amother

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 11:31 am

Did your father keep these type of hours and did it effect you?

My father died when I was little so I have no personal concept. I remember someone told me straight out he regrets the long hours he kept when his kids were little. His kids all turned out great, from an outsider perspective at least, so don't know that it effected them in the long run but never asked them.

From the other thread it also sounds like some husbands sacrifice their sleep but do make a point to spend time with their kids. Have no idea how they function on such little sleep.

Im an outsider in all this, have a small family... But curious how it actually played out for people

edited to add based on responses: if your father WASN'T abusive (since it seems that some people preferred their father not home) did his decisions about the hours you work affect how your husband sets up his working hours?

makes me think of the cat and the cradle song which personally I think is so sad Sad

tweety1

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 11:39 am

My father worked from home although he traveled alot too. Unfortunately, we loved when he was away.....
Dh makes it his business to spend quality time with the kids and myself. I think to a certain degree my kids have a better relationship with dh than myself. Not that I'm bad, but he's the type to sit on the floor with them and play games and this I think brings connection. When he's home for bedtime (which doesn't happen very often) he lies down in bed next to them for a 10-15 min. Sometimes I let my kids go to sleep a little late if I know they haven't seen dh for a while and he'll be home a decent time. Say 830ish.

amother

Dill ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 11:41 am

My father worked long hours and traveled a lot for work. He was also abus1ve so we were all very happy when he was gone. That effected us more than his long hours and traveling....

sara1232

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 11:44 am

Affected how? No, it didn't cause me any damage as a person. But it did affect my relationship with him, I still have almost no relationship with him because it's kinda hard to start developing a relationship later on.
He used to come home when we were already asleep.

mha3484

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 11:45 am

My father left the house very early to get to his job and leave by 4 to beat rush hour traffic. He was long gone when we were up for school. My uncles barely saw their kids. I appreciated my fathers desire to do homework with us, go to school events and be home and always felt bad for my cousins who never saw their father.

amother

Latte

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 11:46 am

I was one of the few growing up in the 90s who had both parents working full time late hours. They left before we went to school and got home late at night. Shabbos was for them to sleep while we had to be quiet and Sunday was for their errands. Hated the way I grew up. Now we are both very active in our children’s lives and it’s doable even if you work long hours. It’s just about priorities.

amother

↑ Dill

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 11:47 am

amother Latte wrote:

I do think having BOTH parents working long hours is very very hard on the children.

amother

Ultramarine

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 12:10 pm

My dad worked very long hours when I was little and was not involved with me very much, although he would take me out once in a while. As I got older and after my younger sibling was born, he shifted gears and spent more time with us and overall became more involved at home, such as with cooking. He says that he regrets the earlier years very much. That, while he had to work a lot, he didn't have to work as much as he did. And he wishes he spent more time with his family. I don't think it affected me badly in the end. My father was a very supportive and accepting dad and also spent more quality time with me as I got older.

My DH and I both work full time, but we both chose less ambitious career tracks to allow for the kind of family life we want.

Personally, I much prefer a setup where both parents work normal full time hours to one where one parent doesn't work at all and the other works very intense hours and only sees the kids on Shabbos. But I would not necessarily claim that the latter is harmful. There are just so many factors in play for every family.