DD twists or changes the truth

amother ↓

Tue, Sep 09 2008, 10:31 pm

ok here is an example of a discussion that took place this week.
note DD is 7 yrs old

DS and DD were arguing a bit and then when she saw she wasn't going to win

bro - "see I told you that you were wrong about___"
sis - "no I knew that, I was just testing you"

At this point I intervened and told her "again you are changing your stories?" I explained to her how people say "I was just testing you" when they want to save face and can't admit they were wrong. Sometimes it's even said as a joke. At this point she picked up on the "joke" comment and went like this

"a joke? a joke? so he could have thought I was joking, actually I was just going to say 'I'm just joking'"

now let me backtrack a bit
first of all "I was just joking" is a common comment of hers when proven wrong
second, about 2 weeks ago we had a whole situation in which DH commented to her that she accidentaly put her fleishig plate in the milchig sink. She started screaming "no I didn't" at which point we told her to stop screaming at us and yes she did. I then proved to her how she did do it.
Her comment "I don't remember putting it in the milchig sink and if I do remember then I remember putting it in the fleishig sink"
I then went into a whole explanation of how it's ok to make mistakes sometimes but it's not ok to lie, I don't care so much anymore about the mistake with the dishes as much as I care that she is changing her stories and telling untruths.

She got so upset at the accusation about having told a lie.
I think she really doesn't realize that what she is doing is telling lies.
Any suggestions how to deal with this situation without accusing her of lieing?

mumoo ↓

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 1:32 am

I think by 7 children can know the difference between truth and lies.

I wonder if enough situations can be "crafted" for dd in which she is "right," her need to fabricate stories will lessen. She sounds like it is important to her to be right and devastating to be proven wrong.

So for a while, no one needs to point out mistakes, just be impressed when she does something good

↑ amother

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 8:33 am

mumoo, that's a bit hard to expect my other kids to take on.

I know it may have sounded like she is wrong a lot of the time but not at all, I was just bringing examples to tell you what she is doing. The problem is that she can't accept ever being wrong.

mama star do you remember the name of the book

Clarissa

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 8:35 am

Even before I opened this, I guessed that the child in question was seven years old. That's the age when they learn the power of stretching the truth, and even lying, in my experience. Explain to her why honesty is important. It's pretty typical behavior.

A lot of kids can't accept being wrong. Explain that everyone is wrong sometimes, and we all learn from mistakes.

cassandra

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 5:08 pm

Clarissa wrote:

My six year old just lied to me for the first time the other day. Now it all makes sense.