Lashon hora on imamother?

thegiver ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 1:41 am

When someone says something that’s totally incorrect and somewhat offensive, is it ok to rubbish it brazenly even if that person might feel bad? My question really is… since we are all anonymous anyways… is it ok to shame someone by saying how wrong their comment is? They might walk away feeling miserable and take out their sadness on their family members…

What is the ikkar here—the truth or someone’s feelings? Is lashon hora relevant in anonymity (even though a username might be some form of identity)?

Some people think they know what they’re talking about when they’re just wrong. Especially when they clamor for divorce or exacerbate family tensions. Do I need to be gentle when rebuffing their false and repugnant ideas?

singleagain

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 7:46 am

the world's best mom wrote:

If there is an option to say something politely and gently, why would anyone want to choose to hurt another person?

Ppl aren't necessarily choosing to hurt another person consciously. So many times I read "tough love time" or "I'm brutally honest" not realizing that this type of response is not what the poster needs to read. Maybe it's what the responder would want/need to hear though so they think other ppl would want/need to hear also.

kermit

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:36 am

I have stopped asking imamother important questions bc of how awful people respond.

I once asked a question related to shalom bayis and the responses were so over-the-top tearing my dh apart -- and tearing me apart for tolerating it. when in reality the situation wasn't that major and could have been resolved quickly and easily, as MOST disagreements between a healthy, loving couple are.

even when I popped back on and defended dh bc I was like 'whoa this can't be right' and I said this was over the top people just accused me of allowing an intolerable situation continue....like, SO not helpful.

like...have people EVER met a real-life couple? have people EVER been in a real relationship? lollll with time and perspective the advice I got was laughable, but in the heat of the moment when I was actively upset, oh boy. it was fuel on fire.

I let my judgement be clouded by responses and my anger to be 'validated' and so dh and I argued bitterly for a couple days until we finally resolved it. and afterwards, I was like 'this was so stupid, next time I'm asking my rebbetzin and not imamother'

but yeah. I'm trying to learn from this to be careful with how I respond on imamother bc I was personally hurt in real life by it.

Cheiny

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:38 am

[quote="thegiver

Some people think they know what they’re talking about when they’re just wrong. Especially when they clamor for divorce or exacerbate family tensions. Do I need to be gentle when rebuffing their false and repugnant ideas?[/quote]

If you’re so sure you’re right and they’re wrong, aren’t you guilty of the same thing you’re accusing them of?

NechaMom

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:14 pm

thegiver wrote:

I don't understand how it's a question. Of course we should try our best not to hurt or embarrass others even if we don't know who they are. We do know that they are not bots. They are humans with feelings behind the screens reading the replies.
Speaking of LH, I'm wondering if it's LH to talk about someone on imamother "privately" being that we have no clue who they are IRL. (So there's no issue of shaming them).
Let's say in PM. Is it okay to talk negatively about a "screen name" or even an anonymous poster like "Skyblue" on a certain thread? We are not actually discussing a person since we are anonymous even with our screen names. The Chofetz Chaim didn't write anything about how it would work on imamother...