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-> Parenting our children
amother
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 Fri, Aug 02 2024, 7:18 am
the advice
fake it till you make it.
advice
kids feel if you are faking it not to show your true feelings.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 7:32 am
I grew up without any physical affection. No hugs or kisses at all.
I never had an issue kissing up my babies, but couldnt bring myself to do it for my older ones.
After a bit of therapy, I faked it. Before my teens went to school, I made it mandatory to give them a hug and kiss. It was very akward for both of us. The teens hated it and just pecked at my cheek in return.
At this point all my kids joyously throw their arms around me and I genuinely kiss them as I wish them a wonderful day. And my big boys will not leave for yeshiva without a good morning and a peck on the cheek to mommy.
What started out robotically became really genuine and wonderful.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 7:33 am
| amother Celeste wrote: | I grew up without any physical affection. No hugs or kisses at all.
I never had an issue kissing up my babies, but couldnt bring myself to do it for my older ones.
After a bit of therapy, I faked it. Before my teens went to school, I made it mandatory to give them a hug and kiss. It was very akward for both of us. The teens hated it and just pecked at my cheek in return.
At this point all my kids joyously throw their arms around me and I genuinely kiss them as I wish them a wonderful day. And my big boys will not leave for yeshiva without a good morning and a peck on the cheek to mommy.
What started out robotically became really genuine and wonderful. |
wow! sound like me growing up.
have no issues kissing babies and toddlers and kids till 3-4yrs.
I am not necessarily asking about kissing, just in general when we fake it
my question still stands. when do we fake it and when -dont fake it cos your kids feel its fake and
just doing it cos have to.
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hodeez
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 7:39 am
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Yes fake it till you make it. Doesn't mean you can't say you are currently tired or frustrated or in pain
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amother
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 8:40 am
| amother OP wrote: | wow! sound like me growing up.
have no issues kissing babies and toddlers and kids till 3-4yrs.
I am not necessarily asking about kissing, just in general when we fake it
my question still stands. when do we fake it and when -dont fake it cos your kids feel its fake and
just doing it cos have to. |
I grew up in a very dysfunctional home with good hearted parents who had mental illnessess. I gifted myself with a couple of years of therapy to "learn" how to be a healthy mother. I faked so much in the begining. No doubt my older kids knew that I started new things and it didnt come naturally to me. But after a while it evolved and became genuine so who cares that in the begining it wasnt!
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Tzutzie
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 8:42 am
| amother OP wrote: | the advice
fake it till you make it.
advice
kids feel if you are faking it not to show your true feelings. |
They do feel it.
But over time it becomes genuine. And it's worth the trade off. Vs, not faking it and it not becoming genuine.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 8:50 am
| amother Celeste wrote: | | I grew up in a very dysfunctional home with good hearted parents who had mental illnessess. I gifted myself with a couple of years of therapy to "learn" how to be a healthy mother. I faked so much in the begining. No doubt my older kids knew that I started new things and it didnt come naturally to me. But after a while it evolved and became genuine so who cares that in the begining it wasnt! |
so then why do so many on here advise when a mother has a hard time loving her child
and she tries hard not to show it and puts up a show of etc she is told go to therapy, your child feels it etc its not the way?
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amother
Phlox
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 8:53 am
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It’s fine to fake it. Your kids see it’s important to you and that you are doing the action despite it being difficult for you.
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amother
Bottlebrush
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 9:31 am
Just because they can sense that it's fake doesn't mean that the alternative (not faking it) is better.
Do you think someone shouldn't act loving toward their child if they have a hard time feeling it?
ALSO, (and I'm anon because I say this often)
I personally don't think that kids are noticing fakeness, unless you're not good at faking. They notice inconsistency and hypocrisy.
They see that you say one thing and do another, or that you act one way to them and differently to others.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 9:39 am
| amother OP wrote: | so then why do so many on here advise when a mother has a hard time loving her child
and she tries hard not to show it and puts up a show of etc she is told go to therapy, your child feels it etc its not the way? |
Therapy is for working through the issues on why one has a hard time loving the child.
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imaima
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 9:43 am
| amother OP wrote: | so then why do so many on here advise when a mother has a hard time loving her child
and she tries hard not to show it and puts up a show of etc she is told go to therapy, your child feels it etc its not the way? |
But noone says she should stop
People say to go to therapy to learn to do it from a genuine perspective.
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