Please advise. Preteen being nice or moving on

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:50 pm

My daughter is ignoring a girl she was close to. It was a cousin so we get together a few times a year. My daughter became favoring more another cousin. This caused this close cousin to feel hurt and back away more. Her mother want me to intervene and explain to my daughter that this girl is hurt. She says my daughter is being clicky and snobby. I tried. My daughter just says she likes both but likes one even better. She is turned off the way this cousin is acting. These are 11 and 12 year olds. Should I repeat to the mother or mix out. My daughter is old enough to chose her own friends. Yet she's hurting her by completely ignoring and dropping her. At times I feel she does need guidance. But I'm not sure how to guide in this situation. A girl that's growing apart from her close childhood cousin. Is this age and socially appropriate

simcha12plus

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:53 pm

it is age appropriate, but still painful.
You have to tell your daughter that she doesn’t have to like her as a friend, but she has to be nice to her. She needs to include her.
be open that it will be hard, but she has to be nice and inclusive.

amother

Broom

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:58 pm

She’s her cousin, she must be nice and friendly no matter what. You need to encourage good midos. When they are all together they must include her, you said it’s only a few times a year anyways.

naomi2

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:14 am

You need to encourage good midos. This is basic. You don't have to be friends with everyone but you should include everyone and never ignore.

amother

Ruby

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:16 am

She doesn’t have to be her best friend. But it’s not ok to treat her badly and snub her at family gatherings. She still has to be nice and treat people respectfully.

mummiedearest

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:30 am

It is absolutely age appropriate. However, this is a cousin. She’s going to be around her. She should have a basic friendliness with her. You mentioned that there is a way the cousin acts that turns her off. Encourage your dd to be open about it with the cousin in question in a respectful manner. It may improve their relationship. Sometimes it’s something as simple as one kid obsessing over boys or designer clothing and the other kid being thoroughly disinterested in those topics. Letting the first kid know can be extremely helpful. This should be a direct conversation, not through the moms. Let them handle their own relationships.

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