DD constant aches and pains

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 11:04 am

For some background, DD10 has ADHD and anxiety. She takes low dose ADHD meds, has worked with (and continues to work with) multiple therapists, OTs, and ADHD coaches.

She is extremely dramatic and physically sensitive. She does lie, bH that’s improving. She also hyperfixates on minor injuries (and everything negative) and can’t move past them. She is constantly complaining of multiple aches and pains. But like constantly. She will bump her wrist accidentally and then refuse to move it for the next few WEEKS. The amount of distress and pain she shows really makes everything seem like an emergency.

She has gotten so many X-rays and been to so many specialist and it almost never has been a real issue. She has been to cardiologists for chest pain, allergists for mouth pain, orthos for wrists and ankles and fingers. She’s done intensive testing with a GI because of constant stomach complaints. Etc. etc. etc.

We are at a loss! At this point, based on her therapists advice, we acknowledge her pain, ask if there’s anything we can do, and then move on. But I’m sure to anyone else we would seem completely neglectful.

Ok here are my actual questions:

Have any of you dealt with this before? Has anything helped? Reiterating, she’s had years of OT and talk therapy with a couple different practitioners. And we have done lots of medical testing in general, her overall health is good aside from her constant aches and pains.

Also, if anyone had similar, how do you differentiate when it’s a real concern and just hypersensitivity and/or drama?

Please advise us!

ETA - I added in the lying fact because sometimes she will make up a story about how she got injured, so it just makes everything even harder to believe.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 11:44 am

amother Catmint wrote:

My son is similar. An anxious and sensitive child, always has some pain or other. Had so many blood tests and x rays. I asked for advice on imamother too - I have health anxiety and we set each other off, I drive myself crazy trying to figure out if his pain needs dealing with it not. I found the best thing is to make myself rules. If something hurts him to the point that he cries and doesn't want to spend time with friends, we get it checked. If something is minor but lasts more than a month, we get it checked. And I learned to acknowledge, sympathize, move on, without drama.

The minor pain for a month sounds right. DD always cries about her pains and complains that she can’t do stuff, so I’m not sure how to manage that. Any more advice in that sense?
BH I am not the anxious type but this is still tough to navigate.

amother

Tulip

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 1:05 pm

Can you work on a pain scale with her? We did something similar with DD for anger/emotions. I know it’s very different but the concept could work. We used a 5 or 10 point scale (we used them at different times, when she was younger a smaller scale was easier) for her emotions, reminding her that the highest numbers were for very emotional things (a death, severe illness, etc.). We made sure to acknowledge that even low number events could be difficult but putting them on a scale seemed to make it easier to keep it in perspective.
With a physical pain scale, I would remind her that if something is a 5 than nothing would hurt more than that. Every pain deserves some attention but a 1 might need a hug/kiss or even a rinse in cool water. 2 might mean an ice pack for a few minutes or a massaging rub. 3 might need Tylenol and to be checked on again after a day. 4 means call the doctor, 5 means head to the emergency room. (Obviously, these are just examples, but they convey the idea. Any time she says 4 or 5 (or before each time you ask her), remind her that 5 is the worst pain imaginable and that 1 still hurts, but it isn’t that bad.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 1:36 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

We have done that, both on our own and with a few different therapists. When discussing it out of the moment she can really identify appropriate numbers, but in the moment everything is an 8-10. She is the “perfect storm” of struggles for this type of situation. Sensory sensitive, plus emotional and dramatic, and hyperfixates with her ADHD, and her anxiety blows everything out of proportion.

amother

Leaf ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 4:09 pm

My dd age 11 is like this. She also has ADHD.

I was also like this as a child. I also have ADHD and I have anxiety as well.

Despite the fact that I was also like this, I have a hard time dealing with it with my dd. It is a work in progress.

A few thoughts.

- Some kids with ADHD or other issues really do feel pain much more severely than others. It canbe sensory. She may in reality be much much more pain sensitive than you realize. She may also not realize it. Even her therapists and doctors may not realize. It took many years before my mother understood how much pain I was in even over the slightest thing. My therapist didn't realize. And it took me many years to understand that other people weren't. There is no practical side to this. But my mother said that understanding this helped her shift how she handled me.

- Aside from how much pain is actually felt, but especially if a child is very sensitive to pain, some kids with ADHD or other issues just don't know how to handle pain. My dd has this problem. She can't handle pain and therefore is terrified of pain and that makes her even more hysterical, not necessarily consciously. But she completely lacks any and all tools to deal with pain or physical discomfort. Teaching her some tools, at a time when things don't hurt, could help. We got dd the book 'Imagine a Rainbow', it helps a bit. But ask a therapist or doctor how to teach serious pain management techniques.

To determine if something is an emergency, we use a few things:
- The first is I ask dd if it feels like the time she broke something or the times she sprained something, etc. Sometimes dd can give us an idea about that and then we can know how much of an emergency it is. Showing her that trust in herself about how serious something is also seems to help her feel taken seriously and develop her own sense of how bad something is.

- The second is that we always give her pain killers right away and then wait an hour before making any decisions. We often suggest she rests during that hour (which seems to help her feel validated without us pampering her too much or giving her too much attention over it), but leave the decision to her about resting. Unless something seems life threatening, we make no decisions about whether something is an emergency for at least an hour. Sometimes hysterical screaming of she is sure something is broken and can't move from the spot she fell and her life is terrible, can switch to something manageable within the hour. If after an hour there is enough improvement that she seems functional, we wait until morning. If in the morning there is no improvement or if it is worse (the pain killers have worn off, so it is a good time to tell), we'll see a doctor. If after the first hour though she can't manage anything or is too in pain to focus on anything else, or is still crying, we often take her to get checked then. But before that, we also often call a doctor or nurse to get advice and follow that, and if they say to get checked we do and if they say it can wait or doesn't need to get checked then we don't.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 7:59 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

Thanks for the detailed response! Sounds like you are dealing with similar. Yes, I believe she feels more strongly than typical. She also has a very hard time tolerating anything negative, whether physical or emotional or negative feelings etc. She has been working on it in therapy and has learned many different tools, but in the moment she can rarely access them. Your one hour rule seems like something we can try!

When we reach out to our pediatrician about what she is telling us, it always sounds extreme enough to come in asap or even run to the ER. But once we are there it usually is mainly histrionics with a more minor injury/illness.

Can I ask you a more personal question? Feel free to not answer. You said you were the same way…did you grow out of it? And how did you manage when you got your period? I’m honestly dreading it for her (and the rest of the family who will be in her periphery…).

amother

↑ Leaf

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 3:37 am

amother OP wrote:

I did grow out of it! I think around the time I was a teenager but it is hard to remember exactly when. It is my anchor honestly that dd hopefully won't be like this forever. I hope that gives you hope as well!

As for my period, I actually had very minimal if any pain or discomfort, so that wasn't a big deal. I mean, I really didn't enjoy it (still don't), but nothing significant or extreme. Otherwise, just lots of advil/midol. The hormones aren't great (my dd11 is certainly acting like a hormonal teenager already), but that's life, and I wasn't more hormonal than the other kids and I recall actually being less hormonal than a lot of my friends. The one thing to keep in mind is that anxiety often worsens the week before you get your period, so that's something to keep an eye on and to tell dd when it is relevant.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 7:06 am

amother Leaf wrote:

Thank you! Ok there’s hope, that’s good!!