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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
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amother
OP
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 Mon, Jun 24 2024, 5:38 pm
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Why is it a thing? An outsized number of threads are SHOULD threads. What the wealthy should be doing. What the kollel families should be doing. Why is this such a thing here? It seems so petty and small minded…..
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amother
Steelblue
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:00 pm
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It’s pure and simple envy and it’s very communist in its root
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amother
Mintcream
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:01 pm
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It’s terrible middos and really cringe worthy to watch
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amother
Ginger
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:04 pm
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The concept of being modest and not flaunting wealth is a Jewish one, not a communist one.
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amother
Mintcream
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:07 pm
| amother Ginger wrote: | | The concept of being modest and not flaunting wealth is a Jewish one, not a communist one. |
Everyone had a different definition of modest and flaunt. Regardless the middos on here posting about it are ten times worse.
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Simple1
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:07 pm
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I’ll comment as someone who doesn’t start those threads and try not to post anything harsh. What individuals do is not my concern. I feel it’s ok to express opinions on worrisome trends in society as a whole or within groups as a whole (although I don’t like the bashing.)
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amother
Ginger
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:09 pm
| amother Mintcream wrote: | | Everyone had a different definition of modest and flaunt. Regardless the middos on here posting about it are ten times worse. |
That goes both ways. I don't see the anti-anti-flaunting people being any nicer.
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amother
Mintcream
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:16 pm
| amother Ginger wrote: | | That goes both ways. I don't see the anti-anti-flaunting people being any nicer. |
We aren’t allowed to judge or post motzei shem ra. Why doesn’t anyone care about those? I don’t see it going both ways. I don’t care either way I’m neither one who judges or one who flaunts. I just hate reading those horrendous lack of middos threads.
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amother
Vermilion
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:28 pm
| amother Steelblue wrote: | | It’s pure and simple envy and it’s very communist in its root |
I don't agree. It's rather an outgrowth of a society that pushes conformity, and then expects everyone to somehow be ok when they can't conform to the standards of living.
We want it both ways - everyone should be and do the same but then demand that they should all be happy with their individual lots.
For example, take a look at our tzedakah organizations for kallahs - they all need to get expensive jewelry/gifts, household filled with costly furniture and stuff, and a simcha as per set standards. Then once they're married, the organizations disappear and we expect to suddenly stop needing to conform?
We, as a community, are sending mixed messages. We pull whichever card works best at the moment. We'll, it doesn'twork that way. Humans don't change their mindsets with a snap of their fingers. If you educate and condition them one way, it's very likely they will remain that way.
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amother
Honeysuckle
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:37 pm
| amother Vermilion wrote: | I don't agree. It's rather an outgrowth of a society that pushes conformity, and then expects everyone to somehow be ok when they can't conform to the standards of living.
We want it both ways - everyone should be and do the same but then demand that they should all be happy with their individual lots.
For example, take a look at our tzedakah organizations for kallahs - they all need to get expensive jewelry/gifts, household filled with costly furniture and stuff, and a simcha as per set standards. Then once they're married, the organizations disappear and we expect to suddenly stop needing to conform?
We, as a community, are sending mixed messages. We pull whichever card works best at the moment. We'll, it doesn'twork that way. Humans don't change their mindsets with a snap of their fingers. If you educate and condition them one way, it's very likely they will remain that way. |
You make it sound as if majority are living with double standards but that's not true.
There are many many people who live within their means, wether it means more lavish or fragile. We shouldn't be telling such people what they should or shouldn't do. They are fine without anyone's help.
The percentage that live a lie? They're the ones borrowing from these organizations to make lavish simchos. Such people could not care less about what random imas gave to say so why are we wasting our breath telling them what they're supposed to do?
In short, stop telling others how to live their life.
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amother
Mintcream
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:42 pm
| amother Vermilion wrote: | I don't agree. It's rather an outgrowth of a society that pushes conformity, and then expects everyone to somehow be ok when they can't conform to the standards of living.
We want it both ways - everyone should be and do the same but then demand that they should all be happy with their individual lots.
For example, take a look at our tzedakah organizations for kallahs - they all need to get expensive jewelry/gifts, household filled with costly furniture and stuff, and a simcha as per set standards. Then once they're married, the organizations disappear and we expect to suddenly stop needing to conform?
We, as a community, are sending mixed messages. We pull whichever card works best at the moment. We'll, it doesn'twork that way. Humans don't change their mindsets with a snap of their fingers. If you educate and condition them one way, it's very likely they will remain that way. |
Who is THEY
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amother
Vermilion
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:47 pm
| amother Honeysuckle wrote: | You make it sound as if majority are living with double standards but that's not true.
There are many many people who live within their means, wether it means more lavish or fragile. We shouldn't be telling such people what they should or shouldn't do. They are fine without anyone's help.
The percentage that live a lie? They're the ones borrowing from these organizations to make lavish simchos. Such people could not care less about what random imas gave to say so why are we wasting our breath telling them what they're supposed to do?
In short, stop telling others how to live their life. |
While there are many who do live within their means, there are equally many who don't and are just trying to comfort what has been designated as living standards within the community.
Just look at all these organinations that have popped up to meet those very living standards. Ask yourself why do they exist, if it's only a very small percentage.
Maybe it's community dependent and hence we see different things. But in my community - everyone does what everyone else does. And if you can't afford it, reach out to an organization to help, ask parents or go into debt. That's how the majority operates.
And that is a direct result from a conformity education system.
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amother
Vermilion
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:48 pm
The people in the communities that I live/grew up in
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giftedmom
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:49 pm
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It’s pain. No one posts these things out of joy and contentment.
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amother
Honeysuckle
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:50 pm
| amother Vermilion wrote: | While there are many who do live within their means, there are equally many who don't and are just trying to comfort what has been designated as living standards within the community.
Just look at all these organinations that have popped up to meet those very living standards. Ask yourself why do they exist, if it's only a very small percentage.
Maybe it's community dependent and hence we see different things. But in my community - everyone does what everyone else does. And if you can't afford it, reach out to an organization to help, ask parents or go into debt. That's how the majority operates.
And that is a direct result from a conformity education system. |
Must be community dependent since I don't know which organizations you're referring to. Where I'm from, people don't just reach out to organizations unless they must.
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amother
Mayflower
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 10:10 pm
The title is unnecesarily inflammatory!
Being critical, even rude, is not anywhere near "warfare"!
Nobody likes to be told what to do by a complete stranger. But yesterday when a lady I don't know at the grocery store clucked her tongue at me and told me I should have a blanket for the baby because the store has AC, that was not "warfare"
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amother
OP
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 10:23 pm
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Class warfare is an expression. It refers to tension between different classes such as middle class and upper class. This is an apt description of so many Imamother threads that keep popping up where those from one category are critical of those from other classes and decide that they know exactly how the other class is deficient and ought to act.
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amother
Lightpink
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 10:44 pm
| giftedmom wrote: | | It’s pain. No one posts these things out of joy and contentment. |
This!! So many are drowning due to finances. A frum lifestyle is ridiculously expensive. Every family needs to be in the top 10% of the US in terms of their income just to pay for food, tuition and housing. It makes no sense.
There weren’t as many threads like this before the inflation that made so many of us start having sleepless, terrified nights, wondering how in the world we are supposed to be able to pay our basic bills.
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amother
Mintcream
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Mon, Jun 24 2024, 10:48 pm
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How does it help people in pain to post these ugly threads?
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amother
Dill
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 9:22 am
It's classic psychology.
Someone is in pain. She wants other people to feel the pain that she's feeling, so she lashes out at others.
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